


These Scars of Ours

by Neva_Borne



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, AtLA, Book 4, Comfort, Cute, Dark, Destiny, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reunion, Rewrite, Romance, Scar Tissue Rewrite, Scars, Slow Burn, The Search, Trauma, Zutara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 86,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neva_Borne/pseuds/Neva_Borne
Summary: When Katara and Zuko both nearly die at the hands of Azula, they find themselves struggling to heal from the physical and emotional trauma they've experienced, so when the opportunity to escape for a while and try to find Zuko's mother presents itself, they seize it. But traveling together isn't quite the same when it's just the two of them - not after everything that's happened - and they find that as they struggle to redefine themselves, they gravitate towards each other for support.Whatever destiny has in store for them, they will have to rely on each other if they want to make it through.Scar Tissue rewrite (with major changes).
Relationships: Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 255
Kudos: 707





	1. I

The bright blue flash of Azula’s lightning was imprinted on her eyes. She could feel the electricity pulsing through the air as the lightning crackled towards her. She was frozen in place, eyes wide as she just stared at the bolt of blue racing towards her. Her feet wouldn’t move; the only thing running through her head was “this is the end.” 

And then, as if in slow motion, Zuko was jumping in front of the bolt of lightning and catching it in his hands. He was shouting something as he jumped, and she could see his body shaking with the energy. It was too much for him, and he fell, twitching, to the ground. 

All Katara could think about was that she had to get to him, help him, and she was painfully aware of her racing heartbeat. Her whole body felt like lead, but as her feet finally started moving, a flash of blue flame stopped her in her tracks, and she suddenly remembered that Azula was still there, her maniacal laugh distant but very, very real. 

She had to turn and run away from Zuko’s prone body - every instinct in her body screaming at her to go back to him, to save him. She grit her teeth, sucking in a harsh breath that smelled like smoke and heat as the buildings around her burned, as Zuko lay there, burning from the inside out, as Azula still laughed. Pulling out her water from her waterskin, she looked desperately for anywhere to hide from Azula’s onslaught of fire. 

Narrowly avoiding a powerful blast of blue fire as she ducked behind a pillar, Katara tried to steady her breathing, bite back the panic that was rapidly trying to overwhelm her body. Zuko was still there, still dying, and she was stuck here, hiding behind a pillar. 

Damn it! 

Closing her eyes, she sucked in a deep breath, holding it in her lungs for a few precious seconds before releasing it. Reaching out with her water, she tried to sense where Azula was. She felt her water wrap around the insane girl’s body and twisted her wrists as she began to tighten the tendrils around Azula. Too late, she felt the heat of a fireblast coming straight towards her and she let out a cry as she tried to duck out of the way. 

Pain. White hot pain combined with the choking smell of burnt clothes and flesh flooded through her entire body. She let out a scream as she fell to the ground, clutching at her side, her vision blurring with tears and little black dots of unconsciousness that threatened to overcome her. She closed her eyes. 

Took one breath. 

Two. 

She couldn’t give in now. If she gave in now, Azula would win and Zuko would die. Focusing her energy, she drew her Chi away from the wound in her side so that the pain subsided slightly. Gritting her teeth as she opened her eyes and staggered to her feet, she summoned up her water once more. 

Stepping out from behind the pillar, she whipped her arms around as quickly as she could, tangling the tendrils of water around Azula’s body, tightening them and rendering the firebender motionless. Without many options left, and feeling her energy draining with every second, Katara raised her hands, slamming Azula against the ground, the wall, the ground, the wall, until she stopped crying out in pain and fear and her body was limp in her grasp. 

Unconscious? Dead? Katara didn’t care. She didn’t have the energy to worry about her now. Staggering over to her, she tied the girl up, just in case. Her hands were shaking; she could feel her body going into shock. The rope felt foreign in her fingers, like her hands were blocks of ice, and the knot that she tightened around Azula’s wrists could probably be easily undone, but her fingers wouldn’t cooperate and she had to get to Zuko. 

Blackness was swimming at the edges of her vision. The pain was creeping from her side to the rest of her body as she lost control of her Chi, her strength fading. Her arms and legs felt heavy and useless, even as she stumbled her way towards Zuko. 

_ Zuko.  _

She had to get to him. She had to save him. She fell, barely catching herself on the cobblestones, a sharp pain jolting through her wrist and knee as she landed heavily, fighting the blackness that threatened to consume her. She dragged herself towards him, summoning water to her hands as she moved. Her breaths came ragged and strained as she reached out to him, resting her hands on his chest. A large hole had been seared into his shirt and a radiating, star-shaped burn marred his muscular chest, the sight of it threatening her already weak hold on reality. She couldn’t see him moving, or hear him breathing, and the fact that he was still warm did nothing to comfort her either, considering he had just been electrocuted. 

Forcing herself to ignore the possibility that she was too late, or that the wound was too severe, she concentrated on his body and urged the water to work its way through the wound and heal it. She felt her remaining energy being leached away as it was transferred through the water to Zuko. The blackness that had been threatening her for so long finally had its chance, and she felt herself fading, her vision blurring and darkening, even as she tried desperately to fight it, to stay awake, her gaze focused on Zuko’s pale, pained face. She had to save him. She  _ had _ to. But then she was falling, falling, falling through an endless blackness. 

And then there was nothing.

\---

She became aware of a dull, radiating ache in her body as she felt the blackness begin to release its hold on her. Desperately, she tried to cling to the blackness, to its soft comfort, but her weak attempts did nothing to stop it from receding, and the further away it got, the deeper and more painful the ache became. Slowly she became aware of every inch of her body, every spark of pain, no matter how slight, every sore muscle. She was lying on something soft, and she was warm. Something weighted and soft was draped on top of her. She felt heavy, unable to move even her finger, and she felt panic rise as she struggled to take control of her body. 

Maybe she was dead. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t move. She forced a breath, and the resulting spur of pain made her realize that she wasn’t dead. If she was dead, it wouldn’t hurt this much. 

Upon finally gaining control of her limbs, a wave of agony rippled through her body, stemming from her right side, as if her body had been staving off the pain and now that she was back in control, it had released its barriers and let the full force of it wash over her again. She inhaled sharply, her face twisting as she let out her breath as a hiss, trying to control the pain. Her eyelids felt heavy and gummy and she could feel the tears welling behind them, the pressure uncomfortable. She raised her left hand to rub her eyes before forcing them open.

She could see nothing but red, a deep, rich red that looked like maybe it had some nuances to it but was too blurry for her to define any details. She blinked repeatedly, rubbing at her eyes again before her vision finally cleared. She appeared to be staring at the top of a canopy bed. The soft thing she was laying on must be a mattress. That made some amount of sense. 

Determined to get a better look at her surroundings, Katara slowly moved her hands until they rested beside her, and pushed herself into a more upright sitting position. Her entire body screamed out in protest and she let out a soft gasp, tears streaming down her cheeks of their own volition. She sat there for a moment, gulping down air and waiting for the throbbing in her side and her right wrist to subside. When it finally became bearable again, she opened her eyes and looked around the room. 

It was fairly large. Not only did it contain the bed she was in, but also a dresser, a desk, and a bookshelf. Large red curtains to her left hinted at a balcony or large window, and the tinge of gold peeking through indicated that the sunlight was trying to permeate the thick fabric. There was a chair pulled up on the left side of the bed, as if someone had been sitting vigil over her. She had never been inside the Fire Nation palace before, but based on the grandness of the space and the Fire Nation emblem embroidered on the red duvet she was lying beneath, that must be where she was.

She took a deep breath - slower this time, giving her body time to adjust as she moved. It helped to reduce the pain, but even so her heart rate sped up. Memories suddenly came flooding back to her. Aang, the war, the comet, the Agni Kai. She winced as she remembered the flash of blue light that had engulfed her side. And - her heart nearly stopped as a horrible, gut-wrenching sensation washed over her -  _ Zuko.  _ What had happened to Zuko? 

Her breaths became shallow and ragged and she fought back tears of panic, biting at her lip as she stared up at the canopy. She was alone. There was no one that she could ask. A choked sob escaped her lips, sending a thrill of pain shooting through her body. What if she had failed, and Zuko had died? What if Aang had died, or Sokka? Toph? What if they’d failed?

The sound of the door opening brought her back to reality, and she quickly moved her head so she could see the door, wiping away the tears staining her cheeks as quickly as she could. She realized that her right wrist was wrapped in some rough, stiff bandage that scratched at her skin. It wasn’t rational to assume they had failed when she was clearly being taken care of, judging by her situation, but whoever it was coming through the door, she didn’t want them to see her crying.

The person paused in the doorway when they saw Katara sitting up, then quickly moved forward into the room. 

“Master Katara,” the woman said, coming to stand by Katara’s right side and looking down at her with an expression that appeared to be a mix of concern and relief. “How are you feeling?”

Katara blinked up at the unfamiliar woman. She looked to be about middle-age, her brown hair flecked with grey in parts, her face marked by worry lines. Her eyes were a dark brown, warm and gentle, looking down at her with an evaluating stare.

She tried to speak, but found her mouth to be too dry. She swallowed and licked her lips, coughed - which sent a spasm of pain through her body - and tried again. “Never been better,” she said wryly. “Where’s Zuko? Please… I need to know if he’s okay. And Aang, and Sokka, and-”

“Hush now,” the woman said, a small smile gracing her lips as she interrupted Katara’s pleading. Sitting down on a small stool by the bed, she looked her in the eye. “I’m one of the palace healers. My name is Uulana. Your friends are safe.”

A small amount of relief washed over her, but she was still hesitant to believe the woman. “What happened? How is Zuko? I… I tried to heal him, but…” She trailed off, remembering the feeling of helplessness that had overcome her as she had fought desperately to stay awake to save him, the image of the horrible burn on his chest flashing in her mind. 

Uulana rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Fire Lord Zuko is doing just fine, thanks to you, Katara.” 

“Wait…  _ Fire Lord  _ Zuko?” Katara furrowed her brows at the title. It sounded strange to her ears, after hearing Prince Zuko for so long. “I missed the coronation? How… how long was I unconscious?” She couldn’t help but feel disappointed that she hadn’t been there to see Zuko crowned. After everything… after the duel… he’d survived, and she’d been unconscious for his coronation.

“Well,” Uulana said, a light chuckle coming from her lips. “He’s not had a coronation ceremony as of yet. He’s still healing from his Agni Kai, of course, and he wants his first public appearance to be one of strength. But the Fire Sages have recognized him as the Fire Lord, yes.” Her face softened again. 

“But he’s okay?” Katara pressed. She was growing frustrated at the vague information that Uulana was giving her. She wanted -  _ needed  _ \- specifics. “How long was I out?”

“Yes, Katara, he’s doing quite well considering the extent of his injury. I’ve never seen anyone survive lightning like that before.” She sounded impressed, and Katara felt a small glow of happiness rise inside her. Whatever she had managed to do out in the courtyard, it had saved his life. Then Uulana sighed and continued. “But you were touch and go for a while. You’ve been unconscious for about a week.”

Her stomach twisted. “A  _ week?” _ She repeated, and Uulana nodded somberly. Katara exhaled shakily, letting her gaze drift up to the canopy again. A week. A whole damn week, and she still felt as though anything more than the slightest movement would rip her body in half. She closed her eyes as she felt them burn with hurt, angry tears. 

“Now, could I take a look at your wound? You’re due for another application of this burn ointment.” Uulana picked up a jar of white goo that had been sitting on Katara’s bedside table. 

“I can heal it myself,” Katara protested, letting her gaze drift back to the healer as she eyed the goo warily. “And what about the others? My brother? Toph? Suki?”

“You need to save your strength. Your friends are all safe. They’re here in the palace, actually, as are most of the nobles and royals from across the world.” Uulana shook her head as though the thought was amusing.

“I want to see them. My friends.” Katara’s voice was firm as she voiced her first real demand since waking. Uulana could spew all the reassurances she wanted - none of them would make her feel as good as actually seeing for herself that everyone was okay. 

“You need to rest, and heal.” The healer shook her head. “Maybe in a few days, when you’re feeling better.”

“No.” Katara fixed a determined glare on the woman. “I want to see them now.”

“Katara, I am responsible for your well-being, and you need to  _ rest.”  _ Uulana responded, her own voice firm. 

Desperate, Katara let her false confidence fade, hoping that Uulana would understand her need to see them. “Please. I just need to make sure they’re okay.”

Uulana sighed. “Let me take a look at your side, and then I’ll decide if you can have visitors today.” 

It wasn’t exactly a promise, but it was better than nothing. Katara nodded, watching as the healer lifted the duvet off her right side, revealing a tightly-wrapped bandage around most of her torso, and thick gauze pads extending up across her armpit and breast and down towards her hip. She swallowed. She hadn’t been fully aware of the size of her injury until now. And now… now she had no idea how she was still alive. 

Uulana’s fingers were quick and gentle as she unwrapped the bandages, but even so, the small movements made Katara wince every now. She let out sharp hisses whenever a bandage pulled too hard on her skin. But nothing, not the pain, or the number of bandages, or the size of them, could have prepared Katara for what she saw when Uulana pulled away the final bandage, revealing her wound. Her entire right side was red and blistered, the center of the wound warped and ragged, a mix of blackened, dead flesh and bright pink muscle peeking through. The beginnings of darker, thicker scar tissue were visible around the edges, which were also jagged. Uneven and wild, like Azula’s fire. 

She didn’t realize she was crying until her vision became blurred and a small sob escaped her lips. She felt helpless, horrified. She was a healer - a great one at that - but there was no way she would be able to heal this injury. Not completely. There would be a scar - a horrible, huge scar. She may never get her full range of motion back. She felt Uulana’s eyes on her as she let her head flop back onto the pillow, staring up at the red canopy, letting the tears fall down her cheeks.

“It’s healing very well.” The woman said, as if to comfort her, but it did little to make her feel better. 

Katara swallowed thickly and shook her head slowly. “I want to try to heal it. I want to prevent muscle scarring.”

“You need to save your strength-” 

“I need to make sure that when I’m strong enough to get out of bed, I’ll be able to move and waterbend.” Katara snapped. “Please.”

The woman sighed. “Alright. I’ll get you some water. But you aren’t to do anything that you can’t handle.” Her fierce gaze pierced into Katara, and she nodded in acceptance. 

She took a deep breath as Uulana stood and made her way to the adjacent room. She could hear a faucet running, and even the sound of water gave her a small amount of comfort. She shifted herself slowly, steadily, pausing every time a stab of pain shot through her side, until she was propped up against her pillows. It would be easier to bend if she could see what she was doing. 

Uulana brought back a bowl of cool water and set it on the table by the bed. She gave Katara a firm stare to remind her not to do anything too drastic before walking over to the curtains on the other side of the room, pulling them back and allowing the sunlight to flow into the room.

Katara took a deep breath and then pulled the water to her hands, letting it pool against them before pressing them gently to her side, biting her cheek to prevent herself from crying out. Even so, a small squeak escaped her lips before the water began to glow blue and she could feel it seeking out the damaged parts of her body, redirecting her Chi to allow the wounds to heal. The worst of the pain from her side ebbed away slightly and the minor surface blisters faded. The ache in her muscles and bones dwindled, the pain in her wrist - which she had barely noticed before - lessened, and she felt herself relax. She could feel her strength fading, and she directed the water back into the bowl before sinking deeper into the bed, her eyes lazily watching as Uulana moved back to the right side of the bed and sat down on the stool.

She nodded approvingly, picking up the jar of white goo once more and opening it. It smelled sweet and fresh, somewhat familiar, though Katara couldn’t place it. She began gently spreading the ointment on the wound, and Katara could feel it soak into her skin, alleviating even more of the pain. 

“I figured you were a talented healer when you saved the Fire Lord’s life,” Uulana commented, screwing the lid back on the jar before wiping her hands off on a rag. “But I’ve never seen someone heal themselves the way you did.”

Katara just shook her head. “I can’t get rid of it. I’ll have a scar forever.”

She nodded in response. “Yes. So will Fire Lord Zuko. But most people who cross Azula don’t live to tell the tale, so you are luckier than most.”

Katara remained silent as Uulana applied fresh gauze and rebandaged the wound. Physically, she felt significantly better. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she would never be the same. 

“So, can I see my friends now?” She asked, watching as the healer began to pack away the spare medical supplies in a basket that sat on the floor by the bed. 

Uulana smiled sadly. “I think it’s best if you rest for today. They can visit you tomorrow. I’ll tell them that you’re awake and doing well.”

She swallowed, disappointment flooding through her. Her mouth tasted bitter with it, and she looked away from the healer, staring at the wall instead. She didn’t respond, just nodded and folded her hands on her lap, picking absently at the edge of the hard bandage on her wrist. She looked down as Uulana quietly left the room, and suddenly she was alone. 

Somehow, it hurt more when she was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really excited to be starting this. Already it has changed so much, and I hope that you as readers will enjoy the changes as much as I do. Or, if you're new to this story, welcome, and I hope you enjoy the ride!
> 
> \---Edited by the amazing Tumblr user panini-the-bird-killer  
> (Edited & reposted on 11/27/2020)


	2. II

Since being released from total bedrest, Zuko had taken to strolling around the gardens in the evenings. His pace was slow as his abdomen was still painful, but it felt good to be up and moving. The two days he’d spent confined to his room had been incredibly frustrating. It had reminded him of the days immediately after his father had burned him, right before he was sent away on an impossible journey to capture the Avatar. He had been restless and uncooperative with the healers until Uulana had finally relented and gave him permission to take short walks around the palace, provided he still got plenty of rest and sat down whenever he felt tired. She claimed the increased blood flow from the exercise would speed his healing process, but only if he didn’t overdo it.

The fresh air in the gardens, sweetened with the scents of the various flowers his mother had planted, served to clear his head after long days. Despite not being officially crowned yet due to being in recovery, the Fire Sages had legally recognized him as the Fire Lord, and all the responsibilities that entailed had fallen on his shoulders the moment he woke up in the courtyard after his Agni Kai. And because the world was in a transition period from war to peace, the number of things that had to be done was far greater than usual. Although Uncle Iroh had come back to the Fire Nation temporarily to aid in the transition and to help Zuko as he recovered, there were some things that he simply couldn’t do as Zuko’s proxy, which meant that Zuko had had to attend various meetings with the other world leaders, the Avatar, and his own council over the past week. 

He was exhausted. The meetings were long and boring, full of discussion of peace treaties and trade allowances. There was talk of restitution from the Fire Nation to the other nations, something that worried Zuko greatly. His people had already suffered for years under a war time regime, deprived of food and supplies that were routed directly to the army. Despite popular belief, the Fire Nation had not grown rich on the spoils of war, even though they had taken control of several Earth Kingdom farms and mines, and Zuko did not want to let his people suffer further because of something his ancestors had done. Only the nobles, war officers, and wealthy businessmen who lived in Caldera City had profited on the near destruction of the rest of the world, and Zuko  _ did  _ have plans to redistribute that wealth back into the country. 

He was lucky to have reasonable people at the table with him though. His uncle was, as always, a steady, calming presence, and Sokka and Katara’s father, Hakoda, had proven to be a strong ally as well. Although he was from the Southern Water Tribe, which had been almost completely annihilated by the Fire Nation raids, he was more reasonable in his requests and suggestions than Chief Arnook, leader of the Northern Tribe. Usually the two men would end up arguing with each other instead of talking with Zuko. King Kuei and King Bumi were relatively neutral most of the time, focusing mostly on trade agreements and how to deal with the colonies now that Fire Nation citizens had mixed with Earth Kingdom citizens and created almost their own culture. Aang said little, though he was usually the one to break up arguments if they raged on too long or became too heated. Whenever someone brought up his lack of participation, he’d always say that the Avatar was not supposed to be a politician and he was only there to keep balance and peace. The details were up to everyone else. 

Zuko sighed as he reached the turtleduck pond. The large tree he liked to sit beneath created a generous patch of shade beneath its leafy branches, and he slowly lowered himself down to the ground, crossing his legs beneath him and resting his back against the tree trunk. He watched for a while as the turtleducks floated lazily on the surface of the pond. Sometimes he brought snacks for them and they would waddle up to him and beg to be fed, but today his pockets were empty and they ignored him. 

He ran a hand through his hair as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree, hoping to rest for a while. But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the bright flash of Azula’s lightning as it shot through the air towards  _ her. _ He opened his eyes and swallowed, feeling his pulse quicken as his gut clenched uncomfortably. 

Guilt. That’s what he felt whenever he thought about that day or thought about her. Every day that passed where she didn’t wake up was torture. Even Uulana’s reassurances that she was healing well did nothing to dispel the growing fear that perhaps she wouldn’t ever wake up, that maybe he had failed to protect her, and more and more frequently he found his mind drifting back to that day, as if going over it again and again would change the outcome.

When he’d woken up in the courtyard, it was like waking up from a nightmare within a nightmare. His entire body felt stiff and sore and he could barely move, but he was aware that there was water soaking into his shirt and abdomen, and when his mind finally caught up to his body, his first thought was of her. When he opened his eyes, it was starting to rain. Fat droplets of water dripped from the grey clouds above him, landing on his skin as he struggled to move. He turned onto his side, and that’s when he saw her. His heart nearly stopped at the sight of her and his mouth went dry. Her dark hair was strewn across her face and the ground, growing damp as raindrops trickled across her cheeks. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, and she was so terribly pale. Her hands were outstretched to him, a puddle of water beneath them as if… as if she had been healing him. Horrified, his eyes drifted over her body, taking in the burnt tunic and the viciously red, mangled burn that encased most of her right side. 

His hand was shaky as he reached out to her, afraid -  _ terrified  _ \- of what he might find if he touched her. She looked dead, and he hoped against hope that she wasn’t. Her skin was cold against his fingers and he didn’t know enough about medicine to find a pulse. Or maybe she just didn’t have one. Desperation and fear gripped him as he looked around wildly for help, seeing only Azula’s lifeless body a few feet away. He struggled into a sitting position, pulling her head into his lap and screaming for help as the rain began to fall faster and harder, icy raindrops soaking into his skin and sending chills shuddering through his body. Eventually the Fire Sages had found them and the healers quickly followed. Since then, Katara had been asleep and unresponsive. 

The first thing Zuko had done when Uulana released him from bedrest was visit her. Staring down at her pale face had only made him feel worse, but he’d visited her every day since then, praying to Agni and Tui and La and any spirit that might be listening for her to make it through and be okay. The others visited her too, he knew, but he usually waited for them to leave before he visited. He knew they didn’t blame him for what happened, but he blamed himself, and he wanted to be alone when he visited her. He would sit down in the chair beside her bed and watch her chest rise and fall beneath the blanket, waiting for her to wake up. Sometimes he’d fall asleep there, his head resting on the edge of the bed, propped up by his arms, and Uulana would find him a few hours later and send him off to bed. 

A turtleduck quacked loudly, startling Zuko out of his thoughts. The offending turtleduck was sitting beside him, staring up at him with its beady black eyes as it nibbled at his hand with its beak. He smiled, raising a finger to gently stroke the creature’s neck before slowly rising to his feet, wincing slightly as his injury protested the movement. The sun was beginning to set behind the mountains surrounding Caldera City and the palace, and the fiery orange sky was somewhat reminiscent of Sozin’s Comet, only much more peaceful. The pond in front of him reflected the sky, but the soft ripples from the breeze distorted it slightly. 

The sunset was his signal to head back inside the palace. As he made his way back through the gardens, he spotted a familiar figure walking towards him and he frowned, hastening his pace until he stood face to face with Uulana, trying to ignore the panic rising within him. 

“Is she okay? What happened?” 

The older woman smiled slightly as the words tumbled out of his mouth before she could even give the respectful bow, as was customary when a subordinate approached the Fire Lord. Zuko cared little for those formalities, however, especially among his trusted servants. They had lived in fear under Ozai and Azula’s rule over the palace, and he intended to change that dynamic. 

“Katara is doing well, Fire Lord Zuko.” She said, folding her hands in front of her robes. “I came here to let you know that she is awake.”

“She’s awake?” He repeated, barely even registering that he’d spoken as he immediately set off towards the palace. 

“Yes, sir,” Uulana confirmed, matching her pace with Zuko’s as she strode along beside him. “But she needs her rest. I don’t recommend visiting her right now. I told the others to wait until tomorrow.”

“I have to see her.” His voice was firm and determined as he reached the doors to the palace. The walls were lit with bright torches, illuminating his path through the cool hallways as he made his way towards Katara’s room. “I need to make sure she’s okay.”

“May I remind you, sir, that her wellbeing is my responsibility, and that my professional judgment as her healer is that she needs her rest?” Uulana’s voice was cool, and Zuko hesitated in the corridor, recognizing the authority in her words. “You have your own injury that needs healing as well, Fire Lord.” 

Zuko’s pace had slowed and finally he came to a stop, staring longingly down the corridor that led to Katara’s room. He wanted desperately to see for himself that she was awake. He didn’t know if that would alleviate the guilt he felt or not, but it was the only thing he could think of that would. He’d felt useless from the moment he’d woken up to find her dying beside him to now. The feeling almost reminded him of how he’d felt when he’d finally switched sides and joined Aang in order to defeat his father. Everyone had accepted him fairly quickly except Katara, and he’d felt hopeless when he was unable to figure out why she hated him so much. When he’d found a way to earn her forgiveness, her hatred and mistrust had turned into friendship and loyalty. 

Healing wasn’t something he could do, though. He had to trust Uulana’s judgment. The healer had kept both of them alive and on the mend since the Agni Kai, and he wasn’t about to go against her orders now.

“Let me know as soon as I can visit her tomorrow.” He relented, resisting the urge to sigh with disappointment. “And if anything changes, send for me immediately.” 

Uulana smiled softly at him, inclining her head. “Of course, sir.” 

He watched as the healer swept down the hallway towards Katara’s room, wishing desperately to follow her. He almost wished that she hadn’t told him she was awake, so he wouldn’t be so inclined to visit her. She’d saved his life. Every sore muscle or stab of pain that shot from his abdomen through his body was a reminder that he was alive because she had saved him.

“She’s okay, Zuko.” 

The familiar voice made Zuko turn his head, glancing down to see that Aang, light-footed as always, had appeared beside him without warning. The monk’s gaze was focused down the same hallway that Zuko himself had been staring down. 

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as a ripple of pain washed through his body. When he opened them again he shook his head, the image of her lying beside him on the cobblestones of the courtyard flashing in his mind. Aang may have matured greatly over the past year, but he was still naive and innocent. The war hadn’t affected him the way it had affected the rest of them. They’d grown up with it and were shaped by its shadow while Aang had barely caught the last of it after growing up during a time of peace.

“She’s alive,” he responded, turning to face Aang. “That’s different from being okay.”

The boy turned his wide grey eyes on Zuko, and he could see the desperate hope in them. “She has to be okay. She’s Katara.”

A bitter taste welled inside his mouth and he glanced back at the hallway. For some reason, Aang’s insistence that Katara should come out of this unchanged bothered him. He didn’t understand how Aang could believe that she would, given that he himself had experienced a similar deadly injury at the hands of Azula. But again, he was naive, especially when it came to Katara. 

“See you tomorrow, Aang.” He sighed, turning down the hallway perpendicular to Katara’s, headed for his own room.

“Yeah…”

\---

The sun had disappeared entirely below the horizon by the time Zuko made it to his room. The sky had shifted from vibrant orange to a murky grey-blue, the half moon hanging low and partially concealed by clouds. 

Exhausted as he was, Zuko stood for a while in the doorway of his balcony, just watching the sky as it darkened. Small bright dots of light flickered into existence as the stars began their nightly dance across the heavens. He’d always enjoyed watching the sky. It was something his mother had done with him when he couldn’t sleep. They would walk around the garden and she would point out constellations to him. He didn’t remember any of them now, but he liked the memories of his mother holding him close in the crisp night air, whispering stories about the stars. 

The knock at the door drew him back to the present and he turned, muttering “come in” as he moved to his bed and sat down, scrunching his face up at the soreness that had developed throughout the day. 

Uulana entered with the jar of white ointment that Zuko had become increasingly familiar with over the last week. He had no idea what it was made of, but it soothed the raw skin and soreness from his abdomen, so it was always a welcome sight. 

“How is she?” He asked, untying his robes and sliding his body out of them, leaving him in his pants, chest exposed for Uulana to examine. 

The healer opened the jar of ointment, the familiar sweet smell reaching Zuko’s nostrils as he lay back on the bed. She unwrapped his bandages and began to prod gently at the edges of the starburst burn on his torso, occasionally pressing too hard or touching a spot that was still too sensitive for comfort, causing Zuko to hiss or gasp with pain.

“She’s sleeping now.” She said quietly, apparently content with her examination as she spread the ointment across the wound. “She drank some water, and I managed to get some food into her too.” 

He nodded, exhaling deeply to relieve the tension that had built up in his body. He could feel the ointment work its magic, soaking into his skin and lessening the pain and soreness he felt. 

“That’s good.”

Uulana smiled as she rebandaged his burn. “She’s been asking about what’s happened since she’s been unconscious. And about you.” 

Zuko looked up sharply, meeting the healer’s intelligent brown eyes, silent questions in his own. She was smiling at him in a manner that was reminiscent of his uncle, whenever Iroh knew something he didn’t. For some reason, it made his pulse quicken as his heart thudded a little louder in his chest. 

“I’ve told her that you’re all fine, but I figured I would let you and the rest of your friends explain everything else.” She said, closing up the jar of ointment and backing away to a respectful distance. 

Zuko swallowed and nodded, looking away and staring up at the canopy of his bed. “Thank you, Uulana.” 

As Uulana inclined her head and retreated from his room, closing the door behind her, Zuko let his mind drift to what he might say to Katara when he saw her. “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” just didn’t seem significant enough to properly account for what had happened. He took a little comfort in knowing that they had experienced a similar change in dynamics following her confrontation with Yon Rha, and they had gotten through that easily enough. He hoped that it would be as easy this time. 

He felt his eyelids growing heavier by the second as the long day caught up to him. He often fought to stay awake as long as possible, dreading the nightmares that he knew awaited him if he fell asleep. They had plagued him every night since his duel with Azula, and every morning he woke tense and scared, reaching out for someone who wasn’t there. He knew tonight would be no different, but he allowed the sleep to drift over him, knowing that time would pass faster if he slept, regardless of the nightmares. 

He fell asleep comforted by the thought of finally being able to speak to Katara when he woke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell by the fact that I've already written and posted two chapters of this in only two days, I'm VERY excited for this story. It's already strayed from the original a little and I can't wait to keep developing it further. 
> 
> Thank you to those of you who have already shown your support for this story! I always love reading your comments and seeing how many people have left kudos or bookmarked this. It means so much to have my writing enjoyed by others.
> 
> \---Edited by the amazing Tumblr user panini-the-bird-killer


	3. III

Sleep was not the peaceful respite that Katara had hoped it would be. She dreamed of blue fire and lightning and black smoke that coiled around her like a snake, choking her until she couldn’t breathe. Azula’s laughter echoed in her head, but the girl was just a shadow behind the blasts of fire, moving and shifting constantly so Katara could never figure out where she was. And there was Zuko several feet away, lying on the ground and writhing in agony as he screamed her name over and over. Every instinct told her to run to him, but her body wouldn’t move and her lungs burned from the smoke. She was stuck in place as the fire drew closer and closer and lightning arched over her head. She could feel the burning flames licking at her body, searing into her flesh. Agony flashed through her right side as one of Azula’s blasts finally struck and she fell to the ground, the freezing cobblestones leeching away her strength. 

Why was she so cold? The fire burned bright and hot, searing her flesh in agonizing slow motion, but she just felt cold. She blinked, and for a moment the courtyard of the Fire Nation palace disappeared, replaced with the snowy ice fields of the South Pole. She was on a hill above her village, watching as it burned below her, as flashes of blue flame took hold of the buildings and turned to a wild orange blaze. Azula’s laughter grew louder as Katara could do nothing but stare, frozen in place, laying in the snow in nothing but her simple traveling tunic as the cold of the tundra bit into her exposed skin. 

She could hear voices - voices that weren’t Azula’s and weren’t Zuko’s - calling out to her. Familiar voices. Voices of her brother and father and-

She looked up to see her mother staring down at her, dressed just as she had been on the day she died, her blue eyes full of sadness at Katara’s suffering. And then Kya knelt beside her, and Katara tried to speak as she felt hot tears burn her eyes and cheeks as they fell, but no words would come out of her mouth. And Kya’s voice was so soft and faint, Katara could barely hear the words that left her lips.

_ I’m so sorry. _

Suddenly she was back in the courtyard, staring at Zuko’s prone body. His golden eyes - usually so bright and full of life - stared blankly at the sky. His lips were slightly parted, his last breath barely having left his chest. His skin, always pale, was deathly white. He wasn’t moving. 

Still words failed her as her throat constricted even further. She reached out desperately towards the fallen firebender - the boy who had come to mean so much to her these past several weeks. Or was it months? Did it really matter? Her arm fell uselessly to the ground in front of her as she suddenly lost control of her body. It felt as though a heavy blanket had been thrown over her, preventing her from moving.

As her vision began to fade and blur with the combination of unconsciousness and tears, a pair of boots appeared before her. An icy chill shuddered up her spine as she raised her head to look up at him and met his cold, dark eyes. Strands of grey hair fell in front of his harsh, lined face as he stared down at her. She felt the blackness take over her body and she could do nothing but stare into his eyes as she felt herself fading. Falling. Gone.

\---

She woke gasping for air, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her heart beat out of control. The pain in her side was worse than it had been when she fell asleep, and for several moments she just stared up at the canopy of the bed, desperately trying to calm her body as tears streamed down her cheeks. She was tense, and she could only assume that the rigidity of her muscles was contributing to her pain.

It was still dark, but the greyish light coming from the window hinted at an approaching dawn. She wanted to move over to the window, to see the night fade and be replaced by the golden sun, but she couldn’t leave the bed. Even if she could stand the pain she knew moving that much would cause, she wasn’t going to risk doing more damage. She understood the importance of having her wound heal properly so she wouldn’t be permanently disabled. 

The bowl of water from the day before still sat on the bedside table, and Katara grit her teeth as she pushed herself up to a sitting position before summoning the water to her hands. The cool touch of the water against her hot, angry flesh sent relief trickling into her skin, even before she focused her energy and the water glowed blue as it sought to heal the wound. When she felt her strength beginning to fade a little, she sent the remaining water back to the bowl, making sure the bandage over her burn was dry. 

She felt a bit better. Breathing didn’t hurt as much. Remnants of the dream still flickered in her mind - most of all, the choking blackness that had enveloped her right before she woke up. Her chest still felt tight, almost as though the dream had been real. 

She closed her eyes, licking her lips. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real because she had seen her mother, and  _ him. _ And Zuko had been dead in her dream. And he wasn’t dead because he was the Fire Lord. 

She needed to see him. Near-panic rose within her and she shifted restlessly under the blanket, staring at the door to her room. She needed Uulana to let her see Zuko so that she could let the nagging doubt that he was actually dead disappear. She needed proof that he was alive.

\---

By the time Uulana entered her room carrying a tray of food, Katara was almost ready to get out of bed and go find Zuko herself. She fidgeted uncomfortably as the healer set the tray of food down, swallowing her desire to instantly demand to see the Fire Lord. 

“How are you feeling, Katara?” Uulana asked, beginning to peel the bandages off her side.

“Better.” Katara said, her voice clipped. “Can I see my friends now?”

The healer laughed lightly, responding only by gently examining the burn as she had the day before, her fingers gently pressing on the edges of the red scar. 

Katara didn’t find her request to be amusing and she glared at the woman. “I need to see them. I’m going crazy. I need to know they’re really okay.”

“Yes, and you will.” The healer unscrewed the lid of a jar and smeared some of the white goo onto the worst parts of the burn. “Your healing abilities are beyond compare. There is already great improvement from yesterday.”

“I healed myself this morning.” She shrugged. “But my friends-”

“They’re outside the door, going crazy themselves.” Uulana smiled, replacing the bandages with fresh ones before pulling the blanket back down over her side. “They all usually visit you in the evenings, but I wouldn’t let them yesterday. They are all anxious to see you.”

Katara’s eyes widened and she turned her gaze to the door, as if she could somehow see through it, see her friends waiting for her. Sensing her impatience, Uulana shook her head and made her way to the door, opening it gently and whispering a warning that Katara couldn’t quite hear. She then stood aside, allowing her friends to burst into the room.

Sokka appeared first, his blue eyes searching hers the moment he stepped into the room. Relief flooded through Katara instantly at the sight of her brother - a little unkempt but looking mostly healthy and - more importantly - very much  _ alive.  _

“Katara!” He yelled, half limping, half hopping over to her bed where he threw down his crutch and threw his arms around her instead. “Thank the Spirits you’re okay.” He half-sobbed into her shoulder, and she wrapped him in her arms as tightly as she could, feeling tears of her own sting at her eyes.

Before she could say anything else, or ask him why he was limping and walking with a crutch, or do anything except embrace her brother, another voice shouted her name.

“Katara!” This voice was younger, more boyish, but just as familiar as Sokka’s.

Katara gently disengaged from Sokka’s bone-crushing hug and turned her gaze on the young monk. His grey eyes were staring at her with concern and affection and a youthful, innocent hopefulness that sent guilt twisting at her insides, even as she forced a smile at him. He quickly replaced Sokka by her side, wrapping his own arms around her. A large part of her was glad that he didn’t try to kiss her again.

“Well, if it isn’t Sugar Queen, back from the dead.” 

Another familiar voice drew Katara’s gaze to the doorway where Toph was leaning against the door, smiling slightly. Although the small earthbender’s outward demeanor was tough and uncaring, Katara could tell that Toph was genuinely happy that she was alive, and she grinned back at the girl without evening caring that she couldn’t see her.

Tears stung her eyes as she looked between the three of them again. “I’m so glad you’re all alive.”

Sokka scoffed. “As if we’d die and leave you alone with  _ Zuko  _ for all eternity.” 

Katara frowned, suddenly realizing that Zuko was nowhere to be seen. “Why? What’s wrong with Zuko? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Aang said quickly. “He’s just…”

“Sparky’s been moody and whenever he’s not in long, boring meetings with pretty much every person with a modicum of power from all over the world, he’s visiting you or moping in the gardens.” Toph continued where Aang trailed off.

“So basically he’s just a boring responsible adult now.” Sokka sighed, as though that were the worst thing someone could ever be. 

“To be fair,” Aang protested, “he  _ did _ almost die, and he has a country to run and a world to make peace with.”

Sokka rolled his eyes. “Making peace is kind of your job, Aang.”

Aang frowned. “No, I keep balance. It’s up to the world leaders to make peace.”

“Whatever,” Sokka waved his hand dismissively. 

Katara sighed, already growing tired of the back and forth between her little family. “So,” she interrupted, raising her voice so that the boys would listen. “What happened? Nobody has really told me anything.”

“Oh yeah!” Sokka exclaimed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. His eyes lit up with excitement at the prospect of telling his story. “Well, Toph, Suki, and I went to find the warships, right? And we found them easily enough and we hitched a ride-”

“I launched us onto one of the ships.” Toph interrupted.

“Yes, and we took control of it and we started chasing after Ozai but he was too fast. But Aang showed up! And so we decided to take out the rest of the airships and-”

Katara listened as Sokka launched into a very detailed and - she guessed - somewhat exaggerated retelling of how they had destroyed the fleet of airships while Aang dealt with Ozai. His story-telling skills had improved dramatically since he tried to strike fear into them with his ghost stories about swords all those months ago. Even though Katara could clearly see that both he and Toph were alive, she frowned and felt the familiar guilt of failing to protect them well inside of her at his description of being surrounded by firebenders, Toph hanging on for dear life. 

“And then Suki saved us by bringing another airship over,” Sokka continued. “And we caught up to Aang. And… well… Ozai can’t firebend anymore!”

She perked up at that as a jolt of surprise flashed through her. “Wait, what?”

“I took away his bending.” Aang nodded in confirmation. “I met a giant lion turtle, and he taught me about energy bending. It predates the Avatar.”

“And you used it to take away his bending?” Katara asked, dumbfounded.

He nodded again, smiling. “I always knew I wouldn’t have to kill him to restore balance. It just took a giant lion turtle kidnapping me for me to figure out how.”

She smiled at him, at the young boy in front of her. She was so proud of him, of how much he had grown over the last year. He’d gone from goofy kid whose only concern was going penguin sledding or showing off for the young girls of Kyoshi Island to a fully realized Avatar - and he’d managed to resolve the conflict between the world and Ozai without shedding blood.

But even as she was proud of him, she couldn’t help but feel the bitter pang of jealousy in her gut as well. He was a child of peace. He always had been, and now… now he always would be. He hadn’t been tainted by the horrors of war like she had. Like Sokka had. Like Toph and Suki and Zuko had. He had never spilled blood like they had. 

She swallowed the horrible jealousy down. She had no right to hold that against him. He was lucky to have retained his innocence the way the rest of them hadn’t. 

“I’m proud of you, Aang. We all knew you could do it, of course. But. I’m really glad we won.”

“Me too,” Aang laughed, grinning widely at her in that way he did. 

“Honestly, things have been pretty weird since the war ended,” Toph commented. 

“Yeah,” Sokka added. “Dad’s been involved with all the politics and stuff, and Zuko obviously, and Aang… And it’s weird now that there’s no fighting left to do. Like, what do we do now, ya know? And we were all just worried about you, wondering if you’d… you know… survive.” His face fell and he looked down at the blanket, pulling at a loose thread. 

Katara swallowed, dropping her own gaze to her hands as she fiddled with the rough edges of the bandage on her wrist. She understood completely. They had been so focused on winning the war that none of them had considered what they would do after it was over. She focused on pushing that feeling away, though. She would have plenty of time to think about that when she was alone. But as soon as she repressed those thoughts, that guilty feeling from earlier rose up within her. Her family had needed her to be alive and strong after they won, and she had nearly died instead. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but that didn’t make the guilt go away. 

“Where is Zuko?” She asked. His absence had been weighing on her since the three of them had first appeared without him. She still needed to see for herself that he was okay.

“He was pulled into a council meeting with Iroh early this morning,” said a fourth voice.

Katara looked up to see the short, auburn hair and grey-blue eyes of Suki. She was dressed in her traditional Kyoshi Warrior outfit, her face painted brightly with white and red, and she was smiling as she entered the room. 

“Suki!” Katara smiled as the warrior gave her a gentle hug. “How come you’re back in uniform?”

Suki grinned. “Zuko decided to put all of the Kyoshi Warriors into an elite guard for him and other members of the royal family, so we’ve been training pretty hard since the other girls arrived from prison.” She moved over to Sokka and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “Ty Lee has us working pretty hard on some new moves.”

Katara blinked. “Wait… did you say  _ Ty Lee?”  _

Suki nodded. “She and the others bonded in prison, and she’s a really capable warrior.”

She shook her head and took a deep breath. “Wow, pass out for a week and the whole world changes underneath your nose…” 

She meant it to be funny, but none of her companions laughed. Instead, their faces grew somber as they awkwardly avoided her gaze. The silence stretched on uncomfortably as none of them knew what else to say. 

“I um… I’m feeling kind of tired…” Katara said, eventually breaking the silence as she glanced at the four of them. She was still disappointed and a little worried that Zuko hadn’t shown up yet. Her heart constricted in her chest as the sight of his body in the courtyard flashed through her memory and she inhaled sharply.

“Aang, let’s go spar outside. I’m itching to kick your ass again.” Toph said loudly, grabbing Aang by the hand and dragging him out when he seemed reluctant to leave.

“And Sokka, we should go do your leg exercises.” Suki said, pulling Sokka to his feet and out the door.

Within seconds, the four of them had left the room, shutting the door and leaving Katara alone. 

She wasn’t tired. Not really. She closed her eyes, inhaling as deeply as she could, slowly and steadily so her side wouldn’t hurt too much. Maybe it was a good thing Zuko hadn’t shown up. She didn’t know what had happened directly after she passed out in the courtyard, and she didn’t know what she would say to him. What were you supposed to say to someone who had jumped in front of  _ lightning  _ for you? 

She didn’t know.  _ Thank you  _ didn’t seem powerful enough to cover it.  _ Thank you  _ is what she said to Sokka when he passed her a bowl so she could make them all dinner.  _ Thank you  _ is what she said when Toph gave one of her rare apologies.  _ Thank you  _ is not what you said when someone dove in front of deadly lightning to save your life.

She dozed off, her lips silently forming the words anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing I wasn't happy with about the original was that I didn't establish the nightmares earlier on, so I really wanted to do that this time. 
> 
> I also hope that the dialogue in this version is more organic than the original, and I am generally much happier with this chapter than its equal original part, though I'm still not completely happy with it. Extended dialogue scenes have never been my strong-suit.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos and thank you to everyone who reads and supports me! I love and appreciate you all!


	4. IV

He had always been an early riser; his body seemed to sense the approach of the sun and woke to greet it, like most firebenders. It was one of the reasons he had loathed traveling around the poles during his search for the Avatar - the sun did not behave the same there as it did in his home country. He never slept properly then, for the sun was either always shining or always hidden away in an endless winter. 

He wasn’t sleeping properly now, either. His waking habits since the Agni Kai had shifted from waking with the sun to waking whenever his nightmares shook him from his rest, usually at least an hour before the dawn. Sometimes it would be hours before the grey twilight appeared, and an hour more before the golden glow of the sun made its appearance outside his window.

His nightmares were always about  _ her.  _ About blue flames and Azula’s off-kilter laughter as she fought desperately to kill him where he stood. About lightning, pale blue and electrifying the air around him as it shot straight for  _ her. _ Katara. 

Sometimes he jumped in front of the lightning and he felt himself burning from the inside out all over again, the pulsating energy too much for him to handle without a solid stance on the ground. He would fall to the ground and watch in horror as Azula chased after Katara and struck her down anyway, his sister’s blue flames encasing the waterbender’s body as she screamed in agony and collapsed, and then Zuko could only see black smoke as his vision faded and Azula’s laughter took over his mind. 

Other times his body was frozen in place and he could do nothing but stare helplessly as the lightning flashed through the sky and struck her in her heart. He was stuck, watching in slow motion as she was thrown backwards by the force of it, as she screamed out in pain as the heat burned through every inch of her body, as the smell of burning filled the air. And when he tried to run to her, he was always caught by blue flames, and he was trapped, watching Katara as the life faded from her face, her blue eyes staring up at him as though begging him to  _ do  _ something. 

He wasn’t sure which version was worse. Both ended with Katara dying in front of him, and both ended with him waking up in a cold sweat, her name on his lips and his eyes moist with unshed tears, his chest heaving as he struggled for air.

\---

He woke as the grey of twilight cast its eerie sheen over Caldera City, the familiar pounding of his heart loud in his ears as he struggled to orient himself. His burn ached dully, radiating outwards to the rest of his body. He gasped for air, sucking in deep breaths as he closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down. He was alive. Katara was alive. She was alive, and she had finally woken up, and he would visit her as soon as Uulana came to tell him that she was ready for visitors. 

He slipped out of bed, brushing his damp hair out of his face as he padded across the room to the balcony. His bare feet made barely a sound on the dark floorboards, and he leaned against the balcony railing, staring out at the palace grounds below him. 

The gardens stretched out almost directly beneath his balcony, the various plants shadowy in the murky grey light, the turtleduck pond rippling gently in the morning breeze. His eyes shifted over to the courtyard where he’d fought Azula. The surrounding buildings were still damaged, the rooftops dark and jagged from where their fire had burned out of control. He closed his eyes, and he could still remember the clash of blue and orange flames, the way his sister had thrown blast after blast, his resolute rebuttal of every move she threw at him. He could still remember the way the comet had made him feel like a thousand suns were burning over head, like his inner fire could consume him at any moment, like Azula’s had consumed her. 

Swallowing, he opened his eyes as he turned from the balcony and returned to his room. A basin of cool water sat on his bedside table, and he splashed some over his face, sucking in a breath at the shock to his heated skin. His heart ached whenever he thought about Azula. She had deserved everything that Katara had done to her - it was life or death for them both - but she was still his sister, and he wished that he had been able to save her from their father’s manipulation before it had been too late.

The knock at the door startled him from his musings and he looked up, a thrill of excitement coursing through him. He hadn’t expected Uulana to fetch him this early, but he wasn’t going to say no. He grabbed his robes from where he’d tossed them carelessly the night before, wincing slightly as he stretched his arms out to put it on. He made his way to the door, pulling it open expecting to see Uulana staring back at him. But it wasn’t Uulana.

“Good morning, my nephew,” Uncle Iroh said, smiling softly at him. 

“Uncle?” Zuko frowned, confused as to why his uncle was calling on him so early in the day. A mild panic threatened him as all sorts of horrible scenarios flashed one-by-one through his mind, most of them involving Katara. “What’s wrong? Why are you here?”

Iroh shook his head and rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Nothing is wrong, Fire Lord Zuko.” His voice was warm and reassuring. “But the Fire Sages and the Council of Elders has requested a meeting regarding the issue of your coronation.”

Zuko’s frown deepened. “Why is this so urgent it needs to be handled before the sun has even risen?”

His uncle shrugged. “You know how crotchety old men can be.” His eyes twinkled merrily and Zuko found himself smiling a little despite himself.

As he followed his uncle down the hallways of the palace towards the council chamber, he thought to himself that the meeting couldn’t take too long if it was about something as trivial as his official coronation.

\---

Hours later, he found himself gritting his teeth as his councilmen and the Fire Sages argued over when his coronation should be and what it should involve. They had been arguing in circles since the beginning of the meeting, with the Fire Sages arguing that Zuko needed to be crowned as soon as possible now that he was no longer at risk of worsening his injury - that it could be a simple ceremony followed by him immediately retiring to the palace. The councilmen, on the other hand, were arguing that Zuko was still not strong enough and that the people needed to see strength from their new Fire Lord - not a young boy who was still recovering - and that it needed to be a spectacular occasion meant to celebrate the end of the war in addition to his ascension to the throne. Neither side was willing to back down. Neither side bothered to ask for Zuko’s own input.

Finally, he’d had enough. The sun had risen and he knew that Katara had to be awake, that he was missing out on visiting her, and he could feel his anger growing stronger by the second. He had fought hard to stay calm, using the deep breathing techniques his uncle had taught him years ago, and the presence of Iroh himself helped too, but he finally stood from his chair. The sound of stone scraping on stone as his chair slid backwards across the flagstones ground the debate to a halt. 

“Enough of this!” Zuko commanded, glaring at the two groups before him. “You are acting like children, squabbling over what  _ my  _ coronation should look like.”

A few grumbles of descent reached his ears, but his intense golden glare quickly shut the noisemakers down. 

“This is ridiculous and unnecessary. And while I appreciate the concern for my health,” he growled, “I think that  _ I  _ am the best one to judge what I am or am not capable of. So, here is what we will do. All the dignitaries from the other nations are already here for negotiations, so my coronation will be at the end of the week. The ceremony will be followed by an address, and then Caldera City and all its guests can celebrate with an official end-of-war festival. Is that  _ suitable?” _

The councilmen glanced at one another and nodded. The Sages grumbled to each other in hushed whispers until the High Sage straightened and faced Zuko, his brown eyes bright.

“Tomorrow.”

“Excuse me?” Zuko exhaled, turning his full attention on the man who would eventually place the crown into his topknot, if this accursed meeting ever ended.

“Your coronation will take place tomorrow.”

“But Kitsu-” One of the councilmen began, but the High Sage raised a hand dismissively to cut him off.

“The coronation will take place tomorrow. Agni demands the ceremony take place. The Fire Nation people need to know who they serve.”

Zuko grit his teeth, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He knew it was important - he really did - but he hadn’t expected it to be this difficult to plan. “Fine. Tomorrow.” He straightened up, brushing off his robes before casting a final look over the old men gathered together in the room - they were all old enough to be his grandfather, and that made him feel very young. “See to arranging everything. I expect the festival to be welcoming to all nations and all peoples, regardless of how much money they have.” 

He met his uncle’s gaze from where he was sitting, a slightly amused expression on his face. He had been silent the entire time, there only as Zuko’s support, should the young Fire Lord need him. 

As Zuko swept out of the room, ignoring the soreness aching in his abdomen, his uncle followed, leaving behind the grumbling and slightly confused councilmen and Fire Sages. 

“I can tell that you are frustrated, Fire Lord Zuko.” 

“I have bigger things to worry about than throwing celebrations in my own honor.” Zuko snapped. “And listening to old men bicker about it before I’ve even eaten breakfast is not the way I prefer to start my days.” 

Iroh chuckled. “Perhaps it is time you elected new councilmembers, my nephew.”

Zuko looked at him, eyes wide with surprise. “I can do that?”

His uncle shrugged. “They are there as your advisors and to carry out your orders, when you give them. It is not wrong to replace some or all of them with those who may be more open-minded or who have fresh ideas for revitalizing the Fire Nation.” 

Zuko frowned. He hadn’t even considered that changing up the members of his council was possible. He didn’t want to make more enemies, but he also knew that those old men fought him tooth and nail on every idea he brought to the table, citing only tradition as reasoning for disagreeing with changing the old ways. There was no way he could bring about the kind of change he wanted in his country - in the  _ world  _ \- if his own councilmen fought against it at every turn. 

“Will you be joining me for breakfast?” 

Zuko blinked, realizing that he had become lost in thought, and turned his gaze back to his uncle. “I, um…”

The old man smiled knowingly, his eyes twinkling with that look he always got when he knew something Zuko didn’t. “You must see Katara.” He chuckled. “I understand. Tell her I say hello, and thank you.”

“Thank you?” Zuko questioned, as his uncle turned down a different hallway, headed for his private chambers.

Iroh turned to him and nodded. “For saving my nephew - my  _ son’s  _ \- life.”

He stopped in his tracks, his heart racing in his chest as he watched his uncle disappear down the corridor. He knew that Iroh had thought of him as his own for a long time, but hearing the words again made the air leave his lungs and hot tears prick at his eyes. He hated that he, for so long, had sought Ozai’s approval as a father, when his real father had been with him throughout his banishment, had taught him every important lesson of kindness that he had ever needed. The guilt he felt when he thought about his betrayal in Ba Sing Se welled up again. Even though Iroh had forgiven him, and he had redeemed himself, he knew the guilt would always be there. 

Clearing his throat, Zuko finally forced his feet to start moving again, down the corridor and to the left, towards the part of the palace that housed Katara’s chambers. His stomach growled as he walked, his steps as quick as his injury would allow, but there was no time for food. Food could wait until he saw her and said “thank you.” The words still didn’t seem powerful enough.

Her door was closed when he reached it and he paused outside, sucking in a deep breath. Nerves bit at his stomach and he swallowed, squashing them down. He had no reason to be nervous. Yet he was anyway, and no amount of breathing or internal pep talk would completely calm him.

He knocked gently and pushed the door open with a shaky hand.

She was asleep, dark hair curtaining her elegant face. Her brilliantly blue eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted as her chest rose and fell softly beneath the red blanket spread across the bed. It was just like every other time he’d visited her, and disappointment hit him as though he’d run into a solid wall. He felt his body slump as the excitement and anticipation of seeing her left him, and he sighed as he made his way quietly into the room, closing the door behind him. 

_ Damn those stupid old men with their stupid bickering,  _ he thought bitterly, taking a seat in the chair beside her bed. The curtain to the balcony was pulled open, allowing the mid-morning sun to illuminate the room with its cheery yellow glow, and the door was cracked open, allowing the gentle breeze to circulate fresh air into the room. The room certainly felt more alive than it had for the past week, and as Zuko examined Katara’s face, he realized that she had far more color in her cheeks than he remembered from his last visit. 

He reached out tentatively, his fingers shaking, and lightly touched her hand. Her skin was warm, so differently from the deathly cold it had been before. His own temperature flared slightly as he took a steadying breath. Even though she was asleep, he knew for certain that she wasn’t going to die. She was strong and she was fighting, and she was going to survive this.

\---

“Zuko?”

The soft, sleepy voice pulled Zuko from his own unconsciousness. He raised his head, blinking as he fought to orient himself to the waking world. His golden eyes locked onto a pair of bright blue ones, and for a moment he just stared, confused, until realization struck and he suddenly felt a million times lighter.

“Katara!” He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her as gently as he could, ignoring the pull of the muscles in his abdomen. “You’re awake! Thank the Spirits.”

Katara’s arms were warm and strong as she returned his embrace, and for just a split second, he felt her head nestle against his shoulder before they broke apart and she was just  _ looking  _ at him with those blue eyes. 

Spirits, they were  _ so  _ blue.

“I’ve been worried about you!” She pouted. “Uulana told me that you were fine, but… I wasn’t sure I believed her.”

Zuko chuckled, adjusting himself so he was on the edge of the chair, leaning towards Katara. “Well, do you believe her now?”

The girl - no,  _ woman  _ \- before him bit at her bottom lip, her eyes running up and down Zuko’s body until they locked on his eyes. For some reason, her examination sent a shudder down his spine.

“I guess I do.” She said quietly. A pause. “She said you’ll have a scar.”

He shrugged. “What’s another scar when I already have this one?” He gestured to his face, trying to make it sound lighthearted.

She dropped her gaze, fiddling with her hands. He watched as she picked at the edges of the bandage on her wrist. 

She’d fallen, he realized, when she’d been trying to reach him, to save him. Her wrist wasn’t burned, it was broken. Guilt weighed heavily in his stomach as he remembered her stretched out beside him on the cobblestones, the rain soaking them both to the bone in minutes as he sat there, helpless to do anything to save her. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, so softly that Zuko barely heard it.

“Why? What for?” He asked, a confused frown spreading across his face.

She sniffed. “For not doing a better job. At healing you.”

He just stared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly. She had saved his life and nearly died in the process, and she was  _ sorry?! _ For leaving a fucking  _ scar?  _ That was honestly the  _ least  _ of his worries, and he wasn’t sure why she was so hung up on it.

“Katara,” he began, reaching up to her hands and placing his own on top of them, subconsciously channeling some of his body heat through his hand to her. “You saved my life. You literally, one hundred percent, absolutely saved my life. You have  _ nothing  _ to be sorry for.”

Her blue eyes met his again, and he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. He sucked in a breath, tightening his grip on her hands just slightly. 

“You saved my life too.” She murmured before swallowing thickly and continuing. “You… you jumped in front of lightning -  _ Azula’s lightning  _ \- to save me.”

He nodded and swallowed, dropping his gaze from hers for a moment. “I did.” He said. “I had to.”

He raised his eyes to meet hers again, neither of them saying anything. A silent understanding passed between them as they stared at each other. They were even. Both of them equally owed the other their life and at the same time, nothing at all. 

The unspoken bond was heavy, but Zuko had never felt freer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so apparently I do this thing where I write two chapters in a day or two and then like... fuck off to Writer's Block City on the island of Lack of Motivation or something. Idk, hopefully that won't happen before I write Chapter 5.
> 
> But I have no impulse control so I can't just WAIT to post a chapter after I've written it. So Chapter 4. 
> 
> This was MUCH easier to write than Chapter 3. I don't know why. It just was. 
> 
> I love their reunion so much better in this version than the old one! It's amazing how such small changes can impact the story and the overall feeling so much. 
> 
> As always, I love seeing your comments! They make my day - I check my phone like 10 times a day at least after posting an update. I love to hear your thoughts so please let me know how you feel about the story! :D I love you all - silent readers, commenters, kudos-leavers. Thank you for your support!


	5. V

His golden eyes were bright as she stared into them. His hands on hers were warm and she felt slightly lightheaded. She took deep, steadying breaths to try to calm herself. Her heart was racing in her chest; she could feel the blood rushing through her body. She could almost feel his heartbeat too, the sound of it echoing in her ears.

Whatever passed between them in that moment was something deeper and stronger than she’d ever experienced in her life. She knew he felt it too, the connection between them. It scared her as much as it comforted her, and her entire body seemed to be twisted with conflicting emotions. At the same time, she felt at peace. 

“Do you know when you’ll be able to get out of bed?” 

Zuko’s voice drew her out of herself and she blinked, taking a deep, shuddering breath and breaking eye contact for a moment. The strange sensations and emotions subsided, though she was still very aware of his hands on hers.

“No.” She said, looking back at him. The moment of intensity had passed, and now she was just looking at the familiar face of the firebender she had come to know so well. “Uulana hasn’t mentioned it at all.” 

She shifted uncomfortably, dropping her gaze again. She hadn’t dared ask the healer. She knew what the reply would be.  _ Not yet.  _

Zuko nodded as though he knew exactly what she was thinking, but he said nothing for a while. He removed his hands from hers as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, thoughtfully. Katara felt suddenly cold without the steady heat from his hands and she resisted the urge to shiver. Instead, she took the time to properly take in Zuko’s appearance. 

He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept well in a few days. Dark bags hung heavy underneath his eyes. His hair was loose, half covering his face; he looked worn, as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. In a way, it was, she knew. He was the new Fire Lord of a country who had been at war with the other nations for a hundred years, and that was not going to be an easy job. Not for anyone. Especially not for a seventeen-year-old boy. 

“My coronation is tomorrow.” 

She blinked, confused for a moment before remembering that he hadn’t been officially crowned yet. “Oh.” She exhaled. “That’s good right? It means you’re almost fully healed?”

Zuko smiled wanly at her and snorted. “It means the Fire Sages are tired of waiting for me to recover and demanded that it happen.” He shook his head, laughing a little bitterly. “So tomorrow I will be crowned - officially - followed by me giving a speech about the end of the war. And after that, all of Caldera City gets to celebrate with a huge festival - which I will  _ not  _ be attending. But I was hoping you could be there for the coronation.”

She could hear the disappointment in his voice, and she swallowed her own. She wanted to see Zuko crowned too. He had been building up to it from the moment he was born, whether he knew it or not. This was his destiny, his legacy.

“Maybe I can manage to convince Uulana to let me watch, since it’s such an important event.” She suggested, a small smile quirking at her lips. “I can be pretty convincing when I want to be.”

Zuko laughed and shook his head. “You can try, but that woman is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. She wouldn’t let  _ me  _ out of bed for two days!”

She grinned. It was good to hear him laugh. It was something he so rarely did, and she liked his laugh because it meant he was genuinely happy - at least for a moment. Despite his struggles and their old conflict, she wanted him to be happy. He deserved it. 

“I think you mean to say she’s the most stubborn person  _ other than me  _ you’ve ever met.” She corrected, meeting his gaze brightly. “Plus, I’ve been in bed over a week! That’s plenty of bedrest.”

His expression sombered, and she felt her own excitement dwindle in response.

“We were all really worried.” He said, his golden eyes burning into hers with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. “ _ I  _ was really worried.”

She shook her head, breaking eye contact. For some reason, it made her stomach feel all twisty and weird when he looked at her like that. She knew it was probably just because she was so vulnerable - being vulnerable in front of Zuko tended to make her feel that way, like it had after he’d helped her find Yon Rha.

She quickly pushed those thoughts away, closing her eyes and taking a quick, deep breath. She couldn’t stand to think about him right now. Not when he already haunted her dreams. The feeling would pass once she was back to her old self, she knew. Though… who knew how long that would take. 

“I’m  _ fine, _ Zuko. I really am.” She said, her voice firm as she opened her eyes again and met his gaze. “I’ve been healing myself, and I… I can tell when people are dying if I try to heal them. And I’m not dying.” 

“I know.” He sighed, nodding slightly as if trying to convince himself of the words he was saying. “I know.”

Silence hung heavy between them for a while. Katara couldn’t help but remember the sight of him on the cobblestones as he burned from the inside out, and she forcefully pushed those thoughts away. Zuko was fine. He was right beside her. Alive and breathing and not lying there dying.

“So how’s being Fire Lord?” She asked finally. 

He grunted and shook his head. “It’s all boring meetings with old men who want to stick to the old ways and all the other nations trying to  _ get back  _ at the Fire Nation for the war.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “They don’t believe me when I say that my common people have suffered just as theirs have.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” she smiled. “You were destined for this.”

He sighed again, his golden gaze landing on her. She resisted a shiver.

“I hope you’re right.”

“I’m  _ always  _ right, Zuko.” 

He chuckled. “Of course. How could I forget?”

She grinned at him, but before either one of them could say anything else, there was a gentle knock at the door and Uulana entered. 

The healer bowed her head when she saw Zuko. “Fire Lord Zuko, Master Katara - my apologies. I hope I am not interrupting anything.”

Katara shook her head as Zuko waved Uulana into the room, and she caught the slightest hint of a smile on the healer’s face. It was one of those secret smiles that she hated - she could never tell what was meant by them. 

“I heard that your coronation is tomorrow, sir.” She continued, making her way over to the bed and sitting down in the stool. “Congratulations.”

Zuko nodded, and Katara caught the glance he sent her way. She smiled back and nodded once.  _ Yes, I’m going to talk to her about attending it.  _

“Thank you Uulana. Speaking of which… I should probably go see to some of the arrangements.” He gave Katara’s hand a final squeeze as he stood from his chair. “I’ll come by again later.”

“Good luck,” she laughed, and he gave her a wry smile as he left the room. She turned her gaze towards the healer beside her and saw that the woman was smiling slightly, her brown eyes watching her closely.

“You two seem very close.”

“We’ve… been through a lot. It would be impossible to not be friends.” Katara shrugged, then winced as the movement sent a ripple of pain through her side. It wasn’t nearly as bad as before, though, which she took to be a good sign. “I wanted to ask-”

Uulana held up a hand to cut her off. “I know what you’re going to ask.” She said coolly. “That’s why I’m here.”

Katara frowned, watching as Uulana stood and grabbed the bowl from the bedside table. She took it over to the bathroom and came back with fresh water. 

“Your healing skills with water far exceed my standard practices.” She said, setting the bowl down. “You have improved dramatically in the past day since you have had a chance to heal yourself. If you want to attend Fire Lord Zuko’s coronation ceremony, you’ll need to do a bit more. And then we can see if we can get you on your feet before tomorrow.”

She blinked, taken aback by the healer’s words. She had expected to fight with her about attending, but the woman seemed determined to get her up and out of bed as soon as possible.

“You mean-”

“You’d better start working. I will bring some food.”

\---

She woke exhausted from another night full of twisted nightmares, Azula’s laughter still echoing in her head. Her chest felt tight and her whole body was sore, as if she had been thrashing around beneath the blankets. The fact that the blanket was half on the floor seemed to confirm that as well, but the pain in her side was substantially reduced. She and Uulana had worked on it for half the previous day, alternating water and Uulana’s traditional methods, until the red blisters had all but disappeared and the internal damage was soothed and well on its way to healing. By the end of the day, Katara had managed to walk to the bathroom and back by herself.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and then looked around. It wasn’t quite dawn yet, so she had perhaps an hour before she would need to get ready for Zuko’s coronation. A thrill of excitement pulsed through her. Uulana hadn’t let Zuko return the night before, since they were so busy working on getting her walking, so she wanted to see him and tell him just how right she had been in her claim of being a stubborn person.

With a slight groan, she threw the blanket off her legs and slid out of bed, wobbling slightly as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Moving still hurt, and the going was slow, but she managed to make her way to the bathroom and draw some water from the tap, pressing it to her side. It soaked into her skin and she felt her body relax as it absorbed the healing Chi. 

After running water and soap through her hair with her bending and washing residual sweat from her skin, she trudged back to the bed and sat down, watching through the balcony doors as the sky brightened from the dull grey of predawn to the cheery yellow glow of morning. In a few hours, Zuko would be crowned and the world could celebrate the return of peace and balance, but right now she just felt very alone. Blurry images from her dreams kept appearing in her mind, try as she might to make them go away. Whenever she closed her eyes, the imprint of blue flames rushing towards her flashed in the darkness and her side flared with phantom pain. 

She wondered if the nightmares would ever go away.

When the sun had appeared over the tips of the mountains, there was a soft knock at the door. Three girls, probably close to her own age, entered the room.

“Lady Katara,” one of them said, bowing her head respectfully. “Fire Lord Zuko sent us to help you get ready for the ceremony.”

“Oh,” Katara said. “Uh… I can get dressed by myself.” 

In all honesty, she wasn’t sure she could. Walking was one thing, but bending and twisting the way she would need to to get dressed was something she hadn’t tried.

“He said you would probably say that and to… um… to remind you that you’re injured and are not to hurt yourself.” The girl’s cheeks flushed as she spoke, as if she was unaccustomed to saying such bold words, even at the behest of her Fire Lord. 

Katara raised an eyebrow, then laughed a little, standing up and facing them. “I guess the help would be nice. Just this once.”

Relief flooded the girl’s face and she quickly hurried over. One of the other girls was holding a blue tunic in her arms, and the three of them set about helping Katara move her limbs through the sleeves and wrapping it around her waist. 

The tunic was more formal than anything Katara had ever worn before. It was a deeper blue than her usual one, the Water Tribe symbol embroidered in silver thread over and over in the fabric. The white trim was similarly embroidered with snowflakes. The sleeves were long, but loose, the ends trailing down like teardrops, and the skirt just barely skimmed the floor when she stood up straight. Save for the fact that it was clearly meant for warmer weather than either of the poles ever experienced, it looked like something a princess of the Water Tribes would wear. With a jolt, she realized that, in a way, she was exactly that. Her father was Chief of the Southern Water Tribe. 

“Wow!” A familiar voice broke through her thoughts. “You look so much better than you did yesterday!”

She turned her head to see Sokka in the doorway, grinning lopsidedly at her. He was also dressed in formal attire: a sleeveless tunic made of the same fabric as her own, the Water Tribe symbol emblazoned on the front in an even darker blue instead of embroidered, and he had a white sash tied across his waist. His hair was freshly cut and pulled back into his signature wolf tail.

She’d never seen him look so grown up, and her heart ached at the sight, even as she grinned back at him.

“Thanks Sokka. It means so much to hear that I look better than when I had just woken up from a week-long coma.” She rolled her eyes but couldn’t hold back a light laugh. “You look great yourself.”

His grin widened. “Thanks! Though I don’t need you to tell me that.” 

He limped over to her and she watched him as the three girls finished twisting her hair into an intricate braid, blue and silver beads laced throughout. She felt ridiculously formal, though she knew the occasional called for it.

“You really do look great, Katara.” Sokka said, his voice far more sincere, and she smiled at him. “Ready to go?”

She nodded and laced her arm through his, and he led her out of her room.

Their pace was slow. With Sokka’s limp and her own injury to account for, it took them a while to reach the doors to the balcony where the ceremony would take place. The others were waiting for them, and they turned excitedly at their approach.

Katara’s eyes drifted quickly over them. Toph was just wearing her standard attire with the addition of a flying boar symbol on the front of her tunic. Suki was wearing her Kyoshi Warrior uniform, and Aang was wearing loose-fitting tan robes and a wooden carving with the Air Nomad symbol branded on it, looking much older than his thirteen years. Then her eyes found Zuko, the tallest of the group, in his dark red and black formal robes, his hair pulled back from his face and secured in a topknot with red ribbon. His golden eyes were watching her, his scarred face half in shadow from the odd lighting. 

“Wow,” Aang’s voice snapped her gaze back to the young monk. “You look… amazing, Katara.”

She smiled softly. “Thanks. I feel ridiculous.”

“You made it though.”

She looked up at Zuko and smiled. “I told you I would.”

“You did,” he chuckled. “Everybody ready?”

They all nodded and Katara took a deep breath. It was hard to believe they’d managed to come this far together, from the frigid South Pole to the new Fire Lord’s coronation ceremony. They’d been children when they left. Now, looking at Sokka beside her, and with the weight of her own experiences heavy on her shoulders, she felt like they were much older.

The sunlight was bright in her eyes as they stepped out behind Zuko. The crowd gathered below in the palace courtyard cheered at the sight of them and Zuko raised a hand as he approached the edge of the balcony. 

“A week ago, the final battle in a war that lasted a hundred years was fought. A week ago, the Avatar defeated my father and restored balance to the world.” The crowd cheered louder, and Zuko waited for them to quiet down before continuing. “Those who stand with me today are the Avatar’s companions. They traveled the world with him and played a key role in ending the war. Katara, Master Waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe. Sokka, Master Swordsman of the Southern Water Tribe. Suki, leader of the Kyoshi Warriors. Toph Beifong, Master Earthbender and Heiress to the Beifong Estate.” As their names were mentioned, they raised their hands to the crowd as the people cheered for them. 

“Without them, I would not be standing here today, and the war may have ended very differently. But I promised my uncle that I would restore the honor of the Fire Nation, and I will. Today, the war that my great-grandfather started is officially and finally over! The road ahead of us is challenging. A hundred years of fighting has left the world scarred and divided. But with the Avatar’s help, we can get it back on the right path and begin a new era of love and peace.”

Katara swallowed thickly as the words echoed through the air around them. The speech was simple and powerful, and she knew that Zuko, as much as he doubted himself, was a born leader. He had been raised in turmoil, but he was a peacemaker at heart. He would do the Fire Nation - and the world - justice. And it made her wonder what exactly her role in this new world would be.

A tear trickled down her cheek as she watched Zuko kneel down on one knee, bowing his head slightly as the head Fire Sage approached him, the golden flame headpiece held in his hands.

“All hail Fire Lord Zuko!” The Sage announced, lowering the crown into Zuko’s topknot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so four days for an update isn't bad. And it took me so long because I recently got back into playing World of Warcraft so now I'm spending all of my free time playing that haha
> 
> But I had a shitty day at work today and I really wanted to get a chapter of this out and hopefully get to hear some of your thoughts since they make me happy <3
> 
> I wanted to do the coronation this time since I skipped over it last time, and I always thought it was weird that Zuko and Aang were singled out when the rest of Team Avatar (esp. Katara) did so much of the work in ending the war, so I wanted to recognize them all as well.
> 
> And of course, I wanted Sokka and Katara to get all dressed up in some fancy Water Tribe stuff - I wish I was talented in the art of drawing/digital art because I would LOVE to be able to show off their outfits visually. But alas, I am not.


	6. VI

Sokka had taken Katara back to her room as soon as the ceremony was over, leaving Zuko and Aang staring after them as Suki disappeared to return to her warriors. Katara had glanced back towards them for a moment, briefly meeting Zuko’s gaze with her bright blue eyes. She’d smiled and he’d felt his own lips quirk upwards, his heartbeat speeding up ever-so-slightly as a silent promise passed between them. 

And then she and Sokka had turned a corner and she was gone from his view.

“How much longer do you think it’ll be before she can travel?” Aang asked.

Zuko turned his head, the smile fading from his face as he met the young monk’s gaze. “How would I know?” 

“I dunno. You got injured too. I guess maybe you could base it off yourself?” Aang shrugged. 

Zuko resisted the urge to scowl. He liked Aang. He considered him a good friend, and overall a good person. But whenever the airbender spoke about Katara, it irritated him for some reason. 

“I don’t know, Aang.” He muttered. “Probably not for a while.”

“Oh.” The disappointment in Aang’s voice was almost palpable. 

“Why would she need to travel anytime soon, anyway?” Zuko asked, furrowing his brows. Now that peace had finally been established - and the treaty was officially being signed and sealed that afternoon - he had assumed that the members of Team Avatar would go their separate ways, fulfilling their new duties in the world. Katara would stay, of course, until she was well enough to leave.

The thought of her leaving left a bitter taste in Zuko’s mouth, though he didn’t know why. The Fire Nation wasn’t Katara’s home. It was simply a matter of time before she left to find her own destiny, and he assumed she’d return to the South Pole with her family.

“Well… once the peace treaty is signed, you won’t need me here in the Fire Nation anymore.” Aang shrugged. “And there’s a whole lot of the world that I still haven’t seen. A lot of people out there still need my help.”

Zuko was silent for a moment, waiting for Aang to explain how exactly that related to Katara, but the monk seemed to have finished speaking.

“And Katara factors in… how?” He sighed, walking down a corridor towards his study as Aang fell into step beside him.

“Well she’ll come with me, obviously.” 

Zuko raised an eyebrow. “Katara hasn’t mentioned it at all.”

Aang flushed beside him, suddenly looking very young. “Well… we haven’t talked about it yet.”

“You’re just assuming she’ll want to go with you?”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Aang frowned. “I mean, we’re sort of…  _ together.  _ At least, I think we are. We kissed on Ember Island and-”

Zuko stiffened, swallowing hard. “You what?”

“We kissed at the theatre when we were watching that stupid play.” Aang explained. “She said she was confused because of the war… but the war is over now. So we’re together, right?” 

He was looking up at Zuko with his big grey eyes, hope bright and bubbly within them. Zuko swallowed again, fighting the irrational anger that was rising within him. He had no right to be angry at Aang. Katara was his friend - perhaps his best friend, after all they’d been through; he’d chosen her to fight Azula with him, afterall. And Aang was the Avatar - he could no doubt provide a life like no other. They would probably be very happy together. And anyway, it wasn’t like he and Katara were together, nor did they want to be.

“It sounds like something you need to talk to Katara about.” He muttered, pushing open the door to his study and waving his hand at Aang, indicating he wished to be alone.

\---

The signing of the peace treaty went far smoother than Zuko had expected. The world leaders had finally come to an agreement that suited everyone, and they all witnessed each other sign the document. They had all decided that each leader would get a copy of the treaty and the original would be held for safe-keeping by the Avatar as a neutral party. 

The Fire Nation would withdraw all troops from the Earth Kingdom effective immediately, and the colonists would be given the choice to stay in the Earth Kingdom as dual citizens or return to the Fire Nation. Trade routes would be established between all three nations, and all agreed to come to one another’s aid should a natural disaster or drought strike. 

It wasn’t perfect, and Zuko was well aware of the amount of work he still had left to do, but it was a much better start than he had originally dared to hope for. 

Once everyone had signed, they shook hands as the room, which had been almost deadly quiet, erupted into a chorus of loud voices as they all congratulated one another. Zuko smiled. Now that the treaty was signed, most of them would head home and the Fire Nation palace would return to its usual quiet.

“Fire Lord Zuko.”

Zuko looked up to see Chief Hakoda approaching him. His blue eyes were bright - more like Sokka’s than Katara’s, Zuko had noticed - and his strong jaw was wide in a smile. 

“Chief Hakoda.” 

The man shook his head. “Please, just call me Hakoda. Formalities are for those who didn’t help break me out of a high security prison.”

Zuko smiled, inclining his head just slightly as he remembered his trip with Sokka to the Boiling Rock. “Then please just call me Zuko.”

Hakoda nodded. “Fair enough. I just wanted to say that you’ve impressed me with how you’ve handled everything. You’re young, and youth often comes with impulsivity and isn’t suited to politics. But you have shown great maturity and desire for true peace. I’m looking forward to working with you in the years to come.”

Zuko nodded, his expression somber as he remembered all the impulsive decisions he had made over the years. One of those decisions had landed him with his scar and set him on the path that had led him here.

“And…” Hakoda continued. “Thank you for saving Katara.”

Zuko’s heart jolted and he met Hakoda’s gaze with what he hoped was humility and not the panic he felt. “She saved me, too.” 

The Water Tribe chief nodded and smiled, though he didn’t show his teeth. “She did.” He raised a hand and dropped it onto Zuko’s shoulder. “You’ll take care of her after Sokka and I return home?”

Zuko resisted the urge to take a step back under Hakoda’s intense stare. He felt like the man was interrogating him in some way. Swallowing, he straightened up so he was his full height - eye to eye with Katara’s father.

“Katara’s the strongest person I’ve ever met. She hardly needs to be taken care of.” He said, his voice firm. He saw something - respect? - flash in the older man’s eyes. “But I will be here if she needs me until she’s able to travel again.”

Hakoda smiled again and squeezed Zuko’s shoulder. “You’re a good man, Zuko.”

He walked away, leaving Zuko staring after him, bewildered. 

\---

It was early evening by the time he managed to slip away from the seemingly endless line of ambassadors and chiefs and kings that were bidding him farewell and thanking him for hosting them. The whole situation had been full of fake smiles and, occasionally, thinly veiled insults that he diplomatically ignored. He knew it would take a long time for the rest of the world to fully accept that the Fire Nation was no longer a threat, and he was going to work hard to make sure that that happened.

When he finally waved the last ambassador farewell, he turned and immediately set off towards Katara’s room. His feet carried him swiftly, the path familiar as he let his thoughts drift back to his interaction with Hakoda. It still confused him, and he shook his head to clear it as he reached Katara’s door. He knocked, waiting for her familiar voice to allow him entry before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

“Well, if it isn’t the one and only  _ Fire Lord  _ Zuko.” Katara grinned at him.

“Hello to you too,  _ Princess  _ Katara,” he responded, smiling as he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. She made a face at the title. He wasn’t even sure if it was accurate. Hakoda was a chief, but he didn’t know what exactly that made Katara. Not that it mattered. She had earned far more respect as a master bender than a simple birthright title could ever give her. 

He blinked, trying to regain his focus as he took in her appearance. She had changed from the formal tunic she’d worn at his coronation into a lighter blue one and let her hair down again; the dark waves framed her elegant face as her blue eyes stared at him brightly. She looked more like herself, and for some reason, his heart sped up as he locked eyes with her.

“Are you up for a walk before dinner?” He asked, stepping properly into the room and approaching the bed. “I want to show you something.”

She immediately threw the blanket off her legs and slid them over the edge of the bed. “Now that I can walk, staying in this room is driving me even more crazy,” she muttered, standing up slightly shakily. 

He moved to her side and offered her his arm, which she took with a slightly embarrassed smile. 

“I figured,” he chuckled, supporting her as they made their way out of her room. “I always take a walk before dinner. It helps calm me down after a long day of dealing with… everything.”

Her arm was soft on his and he could smell the subtle scent of her hair. It smelled like the ocean, and he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him as he thought about his travels over the past few years. Most firebenders, even those who had been at sea for years on end, held no love for the open water, but Zuko had come to appreciate it during his banishment. It was almost strange to be back in Caldera City, his home, and not out sailing on his ship. 

“Your uncle is helping you, though, right?” 

Her voice dragged him back to the present and he glanced at her. “Yes. But he won’t stay forever. He wants to go back to Ba Sing Se and reopen his tea shop.”

Katara shook her head beside him, letting out a laugh. The sound made Zuko’s heart skip a beat in his chest. After a week of worry, of blaming himself for letting her get hurt, it felt so good to hear her laugh. 

“You know, I actually saw you working in the tea shop when we were in Ba Sing Se,” she said, still laughing.

Zuko grimaced and shook his head, his cheeks turning slightly pink. “I can’t believe you saw me  _ serving tea.” _ He groaned. 

“It was a pretty weird sight, that’s for sure.” She grinned up at him. “And I ran all the way back to the Earth King’s palace to warn the Kyoshi Warriors. Well… I thought they were the Kyoshi Warriors, but they ended up being your sister and her friends.” 

She trailed off and Zuko suddenly felt uncomfortable as he remembered what had happened shortly after that. The memories of the crystal catacombs were still vivid in his mind, even though it had been months. The conversation he and Katara had had still echoed in his head, the connection he had felt between them still hung heavily in the air. He’d let her touch his scar. And then he’d turned around and betrayed her and his uncle.

It was the moment he regretted most in his life. 

The uncomfortable silence stretched out until they finally reached the double-doors that led outside, and the fresh air was a welcome relief from the stuffiness of the palace. He inhaled deeply as they stepped into the Royal Gardens. 

“What is it you wanted to show me?” Katara asked, breaking the silence.

He smiled at her as he led her down the path that led to the turtleduck pond. “This. The Royal Gardens.”

He watched as she cast her eyes across the gardens, taking in the late summer blooms. With the gentle breeze rustling her hair ever-so-slightly, the evening sun catching her eyes and lighting up her face, he couldn’t help but think she looked beautiful.

His stomach twisted in his abdomen and he forced the thought away. Of course she was beautiful. She was Katara. That didn’t mean he needed to be thinking about that right now. Or ever.

“It’s beautiful.” She smiled up at him.

He raised his free hand and scratched at his head, purposely avoiding her gaze as the turtleduck pond came into view. “This was my mom’s favorite place in the palace. We used to come here together to feed the turtleducks or look at the stars.”

“I can see why she loved it.”

Zuko nodded as they sat down on the bench by the pond. It wasn’t quite beneath his favorite tree, but it was still sheltered by its branches. He didn’t want Katara to have to sit down on the ground when she was still barely healed. 

His mind drifted to his mother and to what his father had told him during the eclipse. He hadn’t mentioned it to anyone - not even his uncle. Part of him didn’t know if he should believe his father or not. Afterall, Ozai was known for manipulating people to his advantage. But another part - the more hopeful part - couldn’t help but think that maybe it was true. Maybe his mother was out there, somewhere. 

His eyes fell on the waterbender beside him. Her blue eyes were fixed on the pond, watching as the breeze caused gentle ripples to travel across the surface, interrupted only by the turtleducks that floated lazily in the water. The two of them had first connected over the mutual loss of their mothers, and while Zuko knew that their bond ran much deeper now, he was worried that if he told her, she would resent him for it.

“Have you spoken to Aang?”

She turned her head to look at him, brows furrowed slightly. “About what?”

Zuko chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment as he held her gaze. “Plans for when you recover, I guess?” 

Katara’s face contorted into a full frown and she opened her mouth to respond before what looked like realization dawned on her face. 

“Oh… oh no.” She mumbled, shaking her head as she covered her face with her hand. “He still thinks that we’re going to be together now that the war is over, doesn’t he?”

Zuko raised his eyebrow, a shock of surprise making him straighten up as he turned slightly towards her. “Uh… are you not?”

“No!” Her protest was loud and immediate. “I mean… no. Aang’s sweet and I care about him a lot. Just… not in that way.” She sighed, then looked up at him, a strange sort of hope glimmering in her eyes. “Have you ever broken up with someone?”

Guilt rose in his chest as he thought about Mai and the letter he’d left her, the look in her eyes when he’d trapped her inside a cell back at the Boiling Rock in order to make his escape. He hadn’t seen her since then, though he knew she had been released from prison at the same time as Ty Lee. 

“Yes,” he muttered. “But I’m probably not the best person to ask about it. It didn’t exactly go well.”

“Do they ever go well?”

Zuko shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. Mai’s the only person I’ve ever dated so it’s not like I’m an expert.”

“Hold on,” Katara said, raising a hand as she stared at him, an expression Zuko couldn’t quite identify plastered across her face. “ _ Mai?  _ As in Azula’s friend Mai? The girl with the knives who’s always gloomy and depressing?”

He smiled thinly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “That’s the one.”

Katara seemed to hesitate before she spoke again: a simple question, but one that evoked a more complex response. 

“Why?”

He sighed, slumping slightly as he cast his gaze downward. There were a lot of reasons he’d been with Mai, and a lot of reasons why he shouldn’t have been. Even though he knew they were wrong for each other and better off now, it still stung a bit to think about. 

“She and I were friends as kids. Ty Lee, too. Mai’s father was involved in politics and was wealthy and well-respected. It was sort of assumed that she and I would end up together, and her parents were raising her to be the perfect lady. The perfect future Fire Lady.” He grimaced as he thought about the night on Ember Island with the three girls. Mai had hated her childhood, hated being the perfect little girl her parents expected her to be. She’d jumped at the chance to join Azula simply because it meant she didn’t have to live under her parents’ thumb anymore. 

“We kept in touch throughout my banishment.” He continued. “I never told her where I was exactly, or about the times I failed to capture Aang. But I guess she felt like home, you know? At first, anyway. So we got together when I returned to the Fire Nation.”

“And… you broke up?”

“When I left to join you and Aang.” He glanced up at the sky. The sun was hovering just above the mountains, its color a deep, rich orange. “I didn’t want to drag her into that with me. She was always loyal to the Fire Nation and I didn’t want to have to make her choose between her country and me, so I left her a letter explaining that.”

He felt her hand close over top of his and he glanced down at it as she squeezed gently before turning his head to look at her. His chest tightened as he met her gaze and he swallowed thickly. 

“Letting someone you care about go so that they aren’t forced to suffer alongside you is an honorable thing to do, Zuko.” She murmured. 

He let out an exhale of air from his nose that he supposed might have been a sort of humorless laugh. “She sure didn’t see it that way.”

“It’s probably harder to be dumped than to be the one dumping.” 

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “So you think dumping Aang is going to be easy?”

She looked down and he felt her take her hand off his, moving it so she could fiddle with the edge of the bandage on her wrist. 

“No,” she exhaled. “I don’t think it’ll be easy at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe we are six chapters in already! It's amazing how much this has changed and diverted from the original in such a short time, and I'm really excited to continue on this path. This version already feels so much deeper and more developed and I am really looking forward to getting to the adventure. It's coming, I promise! 
> 
> In the meantime, how do you think Aang is gonna react to Katara "dumping" him? (Is it dumping if they're not actually together?)
> 
> As always, I love reading your thoughts and comments. You all brighten my days and make me want to write more and I look forward to seeing that little number pop up by my Inbox, so thank you all for your support!


	7. VII

They ate dinner there beside the turtleduck pond. The large tree whose shade they were sitting in creaked slightly as its branches were rustled by the breeze. Both of them were quiet as they ate, watching as the sun dipped below the top of the mountains and the sky began to darken. 

Katara was lost in thought, considering exactly how to confront Aang about his assumptions regarding their relationship. She didn’t want to hurt him. He was her friend and she cared deeply for him, but she knew that he would not react well. He never did when things didn’t go his way. 

Of course, that was part of the reason why she didn’t want to be with him. He was young and still maturing. He’d grown up a lot over the past year, but his life hadn’t been shaped by the war like the rest of them. She’d had to grow up years ago, and Aang was, for all intents and purposes, still a kid. He’d had a proper childhood that she had not had the luxury of having.

The late summer air cooled slightly as the sun disappeared fully behind the mountains. Katara watched as the last streak of orange sank with it and the sky turned to a deep blue that reminded her of the ocean. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. They were too far inland for her to be able to smell the ocean, but the scents of the summer blossoms in the garden were pleasant as they drifted to her nose.

She wondered what Zuko’s mother had been like, what sort of person she had to have been to endure being Ozai’s wife. Although she had never seen a picture, she imagined that she had been very beautiful and that Zuko’s softer features had come from her. She wondered if she had been a firebender too. Zuko had never mentioned it. He hadn’t really mentioned his mother since Ba Sing Se when they first realized how much they had in common, when Katara first chose to trust him.

“Zuko?” She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him, her gaze drifting over the dark scar that spread across his face.

“Mmm?”

“What was your mother like?”

The silence that followed her question was heavy as she watched Zuko drop his gaze to the ground and swallow before looking up and meeting her eyes, and she almost regretted asking, but then he spoke.

“She was… kind.” He finally said, sighing. “And smart. When I couldn’t sleep, we would come out here and look at the stars. And she would read to me when we went back inside.  _ Love Amongst the Dragons  _ was her favorite, but sometimes she’d tell me stories about the days of the Avatar, before the war began.”

“It sounds like she loved you very much.”

He nodded, but he seemed hesitant somehow, as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how. Katara watched as he picked up a leaf that had fallen in his lap and let the spark between his fingers burn a hole into it that spread across the surface of the leaf until it was nothing but ashes in his hand.

“My father told me what happened to her.”

Katara’s eyes snapped up from his hand to his face. He wasn’t looking at her, but she could still see the conflicted emotions in his eyes. “He did?”

“During the eclipse, I confronted him. I told him I was going to find Aang and help him win and that him banishing me was the best thing he could have done for me.” Zuko continued, still staring down at the small pile of ashes in his hand. “And he told me that he banished my mother too.”

“So… she’s alive?” Katara breathed, her brows furrowed in concern as she watched Zuko’s face. 

The sky was fully dark now, but the gardens had lanterns scattered across the lawn that provided enough flickering light for them to see. The flames were reflected in his face, making his golden eyes look as if they were made of fire too.

“If what my father said was true… then yes.” He finally turned his head to look at her, and she felt her breath catch in her throat.

She swallowed. “Why did he banish her?”

“When my cousin, Lu Ten, died during Uncle’s siege of Ba Sing Se, my father decided to use that opportunity to stake his claim for the throne, since he had heirs and my uncle no longer did.” He sighed, looking down at his hand as he opened it, allowing the breeze to carry the remains of the leaf away. “My grandfather did not take lightly to that, so he ordered my father to kill me so he would understand the pain of losing a firstborn.”

Katara felt her heart drop like a stone. Surely even Ozai wouldn’t have been willing to do that to his own son? 

“And my father was going to do it. My mother found out, and… that night my grandfather Azulon suddenly passed away… and my mother left.”

Instinctively, she reached out and covered his hand with hers, feeling the heat of his skin burn into her own. “Why didn’t you mention this before?”

He shrugged. “I… didn’t know whether I should believe my father or not. I still don’t. I don’t know if what he said was true or if he lied so that I would stay until the eclipse ended. Which I did, and he ended the meeting by shooting lightning at me.” He turned his head back to her. “And I didn’t want to upset you, given the fact that your mother…”

He trailed off, but Katara understood what he meant. She squeezed his hand and smiled sadly at him. “I would never begrudge you for having your mother be alive, Zuko.”

He returned the smile and squeezed her hand back. “Thanks, Katara.”

“So what are you going to do?” 

“I’m not sure. I have so much to do  _ here. _ It’s not like I can just take a break from being Fire Lord to go look for her, if it’s even true.”

She nodded, suppressing a yawn. The long walk to the gardens had made her tired, and the heat that was radiating off Zuko’s body was making the stone bench seem far too comfortable. She was pretty sure she could fall asleep right there if she just closed her eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She sighed, resting her head on Zuko’s shoulder as her eyelids grew heavier by the second.

“You should get some rest,” Zuko said, gently disengaging her head from his shoulder as he stood up and offered her his hands to help pull her to her feet. “You look exhausted.”

“Thanks,” Katara snorted. “You don’t look so hot yourself.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough.”

They made their way back through the gardens to the palace in companionable silence. The thought of walking all the way back to her room was daunting. All she wanted to do was sleep, but at least now that she was moving she didn’t feel quite so horribly tired. She knew it was good to get her blood flowing and build her strength back up, too, despite the soreness returning to her side. 

“Are you alright?” Zuko asked, noticing her slow steps.

She glanced up at him and nodded, though her side was aching. He was watching her closely, his golden eyes full of concern. The intensity with which he was staring at her made her stomach twist and she turned her gaze forward again rather quickly. 

“I can arrange for you to be carried if you can’t make it.” 

She shook her head, forcing herself to keep moving despite the slowness of her pace. “No, I’m fine.” 

She hated being so useless, so broken. She had always been strong and active, always the one taking care of others, and having to be taken care of instead made her feel uncomfortable. She trusted Zuko with her life, they were permanently connected because of what they had both gone through, but she still hated that he was seeing her in such a vulnerable state. She hated that she’d let Azula get the upper hand, even for just a moment. 

\---

When they finally reached her bedroom, she was more than ready to crawl into bed and fall asleep, but to her surprise, Aang, Sokka, and her father were all waiting outside the door. She frowned as worry flooded through her as she wondered what they were there for.

“There you are!” Sokka exclaimed. “We were looking for you for ages. Where were you guys?”

“We went for a walk and dinner. Why? Is there something wrong?” She asked, glancing worriedly between Sokka and her father.

“No, no.” Hakoda said, his gaze flickering between her and Zuko. “Sokka and I are headed home tomorrow morning.”

The words hit her harder than she expected them to. Home. The South Pole. They were headed back to the South Pole, and she fought back tears as she looked desperately between them. “Already? But…”

Her father pulled her in for a hug and she wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his chest and breathing in the familiar smell of ocean and South Pole furs.

“I know it seems fast. But the peace treaty is signed and we need to head back to help rebuild the South Pole. We can’t leave it all to the Northerners, and as Chief, I have a duty to be there.” He said softly, stroking her hair as she clung to him. 

“You’ll be able to travel in no time with the rate you’re recovering, Katara.” Sokka added, and she could tell by his voice that he was grinning. “And then you can come home too!”

His words, meant to comfort her, somehow made her feel worse. Her stomach twisted with guilt and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She couldn’t tell them. Not yet. Not when she herself was unsure of what she was going to do. All she knew was that she didn’t want to return to the South Pole. It seemed too small after everything she’d seen and done over the past year. There was no room to grow there.

“We wanted to say goodbye now so that we don’t wake you in the morning.” Hakoda said, holding her out at arm’s length. “But you’re in good hands here, and we’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready.”

She nodded, and her father let her go as Sokka moved in to embrace her.

“Don’t get into any trouble, little sister.” He murmured. “I’ll send Hawky with a letter as soon as we’re home. You’d better send him back with a letter of your own.”

She smiled against his chest. When had he gotten so tall? He was nearly as tall as their father now, and filling out too. 

“I will, Sokka. I promise.” 

When he released her, she felt the heavy gaze of Aang’s grey eyes weighing on her, and she turned to him. “Are you leaving too?”

He nodded. “I’m taking them home, and then I’m going to travel until you’re recovered again and then…” He hesitated. “Well… could we talk, actually?”

Katara glanced at Zuko, who gave her an encouraging nod, and then she gave her father and Sokka a final embrace. “I’ll see you guys soon.” She murmured before breaking away and opening the door to her room. “And goodnight Zuko.” She smiled at him and he returned the smile before turning and walking away with Hakoda and Sokka. 

Within sight of her bed, the exhaustion she felt threatened to overwhelm her. She certainly did not feel up to confronting Aang right now, but it was apparently now or never, and he needed to know.

“So, Katara-”

“Aang, I know what you’re going to say.” She sighed, sinking down onto the bed and pushing her hair out of her face. “And my answer is no.”

“What? How did you know? Why are you saying no?” The shock and hurt in his voice sent a pang of guilt through her.

“I’m sorry, Aang.” She sighed and looked up at him. “Zuko mentioned it to me earlier and I honestly thought you understood when I said I was confused on Ember Island… I just don’t think we’re right for each other. We’ve had different experiences and-”

“Different experiences?” He scoffed. “We’ve been traveling together for a year, experiencing the same things! How could those possibly be different experiences?”

Katara closed her eyes, sucking in a deep breath. Memories flooded to the surface of her mind: bloodbending the leader of the Southern Raiders, feeling the man’s heartbeat within her control, the desire to squeeze it until it stopped. Zuko had looked at her, not with disgust, just with surprise. And he’d never mentioned it since, though she knew he had questions.

Then there was Yon Rha, his grey hair falling in haphazard strands in front of his face, pleading for his life as he wallowed in the mud before her. She could still see the ice shard piercing his chest, the blood soaking into his shirt as he collapsed with a sickening squelch. She could remember exactly how it had felt to watch the life drain from his eyes as the icy rain had soaked into her clothes down to her bones. And again, Zuko had looked at her with a simple acceptance and understanding that she knew she would never get from Aang. He would never understand what she had done. And they had agreed never to tell him what had really happened. 

She could almost feel the panic rising within her as the memories of Azula’s blue fire came next, the terror she had felt when she saw the lightning flashing through the sky towards her, the horror as Zuko jumped in front of it and burned from the inside out. Phantom pain flashed through her side and she placed a hand on it instinctively, holding back the cry of hurt she wanted so badly to release.

No. They hadn’t had the same experiences. She wasn’t who he thought she was, and she would never be who he wanted her to be. 

“I grew up during the war, Aang.” She exhaled, opening her eyes and looking up at him. He was glaring at her, arms crossed over his chest, trying very hard not to show the hurt she could still plainly see on his face.

“I grew up during the war and I lost my mother to the war-”

“I lost my entire people!”

“Just listen to me, Aang.” She snapped, and the airbender pressed his lips together in a thin line. “Losing my mother forced me to grow up. My dad left to go fight and I spent every day worrying about him and hoping that he would be safe and come back. I had to take care of Sokka and I helped Gran Gran take care of the rest of the village, too.

“I’ve watched you grow so much over the past year, but you’re still a kid. You haven’t had the same experiences as me. You haven’t grown up the way I’ve had to. You turned your responsibilities into  _ fun _ while I was left to clean up the messes.”

“What, so because I managed to win the war without turning into a bitter, boring person like Zuko, I’m not good enough for you?”

She stood up instantly, ignoring the stab of pain rippling through her side, and pointed a finger at him accusingly. “No! See, you don’t understand this at all! I’ve spent the past year taking care of you and everyone else and I haven’t had a chance to think about myself _once_ since my mom died.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I nearly _died_ trying to win this war, Aang! I can barely walk and I honestly don’t know how I’m still alive, but I’m tired of taking care of everyone and not being able to think about myself and what _I_ want. You have never once stopped to ask me what _I_ want or what _I_ need and that was fine because we had a job to get done, but I can’t do that anymore, Aang. I just can’t.” 

She stopped, clenching her fists by her side as she took deep, steadying breaths. Aang was staring at her as though she had physically struck him, his grey eyes wide and glimmering with anger and hurt. 

“You…” She began, then sighed, sinking onto the bed, her rage depleted. All she felt was exhaustion and a hollow emptiness in place of her anger. “You don’t understand who I am. You think you know me, but you don’t, and you never really have.”

“You’re… you’re  _ Katara!”  _ Aang protested, though his voice wasn’t as strong or confident as before. “You’ve been my best friend since I woke up in the iceberg. You taught me waterbending! You saved me when Azula shot me down.”

Katara winced at Azula’s name, picking at the bandage on her wrist as she fought the hot tears that threatened to break through and stream down her cheeks.

“I… I  _ love  _ you, Katara!”

She shook her head. “You love who you think I am. Who you want me to be. But I’m not that person, and I don’t love you, Aang. Not the way you want me to.”

Aang was silent for a long time as Katara stared down at her hands. She didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes. 

“You’ve changed.”

She closed her eyes and took a breath. Spirits, she had changed. She knew that. But when the memories of the last few months, of killing Yon Rha, of Azula’s demented smile and laugh, of Zuko sacrificing himself for her, the remembered pain and the blackness of death that had crept into her body as she fought desperately against it as she lay on the cobblestones… when those memories were far more vivid and powerful in her mind than anything that came before them, how did he expect her not to have changed?

“That’s how the world works, Aang. People grow up. They change.”

“Usually they change for the better.”

The tears broke through her defenses, trickling down her cheeks as she felt her heart sink heavily in her chest at his words. He had intended them to sting, she knew, and it had worked, but she knew he didn’t know just how deeply his words had cut her. She closed her eyes again, swallowing thickly against the lump in her throat. 

The war had changed her. Its presence had grown stronger and stronger over the past year until her only goal was to help Aang defeat Ozai and keep everyone alive, if she could. It had dominated her life. And it didn’t, not anymore, but its effects on her life remained, and they always would: invisible scars that Aang would never fully understand.

“I think you should go, Aang.” She murmured.

“Yeah.” He moved to the door, yanking it open before pausing and turning to look back at her. “Goodbye Katara.”

And then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter nearly killed me. It is currently nearly 1:00am as I'm updating this and I'm exhausted but I needed to finish it for the sake of my own sanity. I wrote it pretty much exactly how I wanted it and then realized it was way too short so I had to go back and rework it so I leave you with this chapter that hopefully makes sense because I'm honestly too tired to tell. 
> 
> How do you feel about Aang's reaction?


	8. VIII

With all the guests from the other nations finally gone, the palace had returned to its usual state of quiet. Zuko’s workload decreased, but only slightly. With the peace treaty signed, his attention had shifted from dealing with the other nations to dealing with his own. Propaganda and strict discipline within the schools had shaped his people for over a hundred years, and he had to reverse that somehow. He wanted to give them back the prosperity his father and grandfather had taken away from them when they diverted everything to the war.

His council was proving to be even more difficult to work with than Zuko had feared, and he was constantly looking for ways to systematically replace all the old men who had supported the war with more open-minded critical thinkers. He had already removed the war minister from his position after overhearing his grumbling complaints that Zuko, the seventeen-year-old banished prince, was unfit to be Fire Lord, and using him as an example had quieted the other members for the time being. Now that the war was officially over, he didn’t really need the position of  _ war  _ minister anyway, though he did need an overseer for the military. In the interim, he had placed Uncle Iroh in that position until he could find someone suitable to be a permanent council member. 

Zuko had already removed the members of the council who he knew were vehement supporters of Ozai and the war, forcing them into retirement, and he’d created the new position of health minister which was run by a young woman named Aika. She was the daughter of a navy captain who had died under Zhao’s command at the North Pole; since then, she had become involved in politics and had developed a strong interest in the conditions many of the Fire Nation people were living in. She was the first woman to ever serve on the council, but she wasn’t intimidated by that. She actually reminded Zuko a lot of Katara with her tenacity and outspoken nature, though she couldn’t look much more different with her jet-black hair, pale skin, and dark brown eyes that he often found watching him during council meetings. It was slightly disconcerting, really.

He tried his best to avoid the Fire Sages, too. They had requested several meetings which he had managed to maneuver his way out of, but finally they managed to somehow corner him in the palace hallways, voicing their concerns over his marital status.

“Fire Lord Zuko, it is highly unusual for a Fire Lord to be unwed.” One of them grumbled, his amber eyes watching Zuko intently.

“I take it it’s also unusual for a Fire Lord to be seventeen, Kiyu.” Zuko said firmly.

“You must consider your inheritance, Fire Lord,” High Sage Kitsu interrupted. “As of right now, your heir is your sister Azula.”

“She is unfit to do anything, much less sit on the throne.” Zuko growled, his brows furrowing as his entire body tensed. He didn’t like to think about Azula. Not after everything that had happened. Not after Katara had nearly died.

Kitsu shrugged. “There are those who wish to see her on the throne, and those who don’t. If you were to die unexpectedly without another heir, it would throw the world right back into chaos.”

“A battle for the throne of the Fire Nation would take place.” Kiyu added.

“Fire Lord Zuko, we understand that you are young and have been thrown into this situation, but Agni chose you to be Fire Lord. Now Agni demands you work towards securing the future of the Fire Nation.”

Zuko waved his hand and strode off down a different hallway. “I can’t think about this right now, I have other things to deal with.” 

For some reason, the first thing that had popped into his head upon hearing their concerns was an image of Katara. 

\---

Katara was the only one left from Team Avatar in the palace. Suki had given command of the Kyoshi Warriors to one of the older girls and she and Toph had left with Aang, with Suki’s intention being to stay in the South Pole with Sokka, and Toph’s being to keep Aang company on his travels until she found a place to make an earthbending school. It felt strange to have the group split up after so long together. Although Zuko hadn’t been with them very long himself, they had become his family.

He still had Katara, though, and they had quickly fallen into a routine. Every morning they would have breakfast together in the breakfast parlor that overlooked the gardens. Sometimes Iroh would join them, but usually they dined alone. Zuko enjoyed the peace and comfort of dining with Katara before his long, exhausting days as Fire Lord. Sometimes it brought him more peace of mind than his meditation did; occasionally he found his mind drifting back to his nightmares, and being able to look up and see that Katara was alive beside him was comforting.

After his Fire Lord duties were complete for the day, he and Katara would take a long walk in the gardens and eat beneath the large tree by the turtleduck pond, and Zuko would tell her about everything that had transpired that day.

It was comforting and comfortable, and Zuko didn’t want it to end.

\---

“The education minister is breathing down my neck for my plan for the new curriculum.” Zuko sighed, breaking off a piece of bread from the small loaf in his basket and tossing it into the water near one of the young turtleducks. The creature immediately descended on the bread, sticking its whole head in the water as it gobbled it down.

“Isn’t that  _ his  _ job?” Katara frowned, sipping at her steaming cup of tea. 

It was ginseng, lightly earthy and only slightly bitter, and Zuko guessed that it had been brewed by Iroh himself. He only ever enjoyed ginseng if Iroh had made it, which was fairly often since it was his uncle’s favorite tea.

“Yeah,” he sighed, setting down his own cup as he tossed another piece of bread to the turtleducks. “But he made the curriculum that is currently being taught, and he doesn’t know enough about the true history to make a new one.”

“It sounds like it’d be a good idea to get people from the other nations together to give insight from the other side of the war, and then perhaps look at the history of the battles that are written down, and go from there.” Katara suggested.

Zuko looked at her. It had been about a week since Aang and the others had left, and she had improved dramatically in that time. Her eyes were brighter, her skin back to its usual shade of brown, and she was almost back to full strength due to the rigorous healing Uulana had been doing with her. There was a weariness in her face that hadn’t been there before the Agni Kai, though. Or, if it had been, it hadn’t been as noticeable. He wondered if she had nightmares too. She’d never mentioned any, but he hadn’t mentioned his to her either. 

His nightmares hadn’t gone away; he still dreamed of watching Katara die as he was powerless to stop it. He didn’t know why they hadn’t gone away, since every day he woke up and Katara was still alive. But lack of sleep combined with the exhausting job of being Fire Lord was wearing him down. The only thing keeping him going now was the time he got to spend with Katara. Talking with her made him feel calmer, even if she sometimes didn’t have a solution to his problem.

A thought struck him as he watched her eat some of her noodles.

“Would you… would you like to help with that?”

She swallowed her noodles and turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “Help with the education reform?”

He shrugged. “I mean, only if you want to.”

“I mean… I’d love to.” She smiled. “But I don’t have any political power or anything.”

“Right,” he laughed. “You’re only a princess.”

She made a disgusted sound and shook her head, laughing. “Stop calling me that. It means nothing in the Southern Tribe.”

He liked the way she laughed, the way her eyes lit up and the weariness was temporarily lifted from her face. Her hair’s soft curls bounced on her shoulders as she shook her head. Even the smallest of laughs from her made his stomach clench in an unfamiliar but not-unpleasant way, and his lips would quirk into a smile as he just stared at her.

A few times, he’d caught his uncle looking at him with a knowing smile whenever he made Katara laugh over breakfast, but he dismissed it as his uncle’s meddling nature. The man was always trying to interfere in Zuko’s lovelife, like when he’d set him up with Jin in Ba Sing Se. But Zuko liked when she laughed just because he liked seeing her happy and carefree after everything they’d been through. There was nothing romantic about it.

“Well, it would certainly qualify you to become an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe if you wanted - if your father approved. Or I could just authorize you as a consultant on the project.” He downed the rest of his tea. “But that’s if you aren’t returning to the South Pole.” 

She hadn’t spoken about what her plans were after she recovered. He had assumed that she’d return home to her father and brother, but she had been cleared for travel the day before and she had made no mention of leaving. The thought of her staying made his heart race. Until now, he hadn’t dared hope that she would.

She hesitated. “I… haven’t really thought about what to do now that the war is over.” 

He met her gaze when she turned her head to look at him. He understood. If he wasn’t the Fire Lord, he wouldn’t have any clue what to do either.

“I know I want to help people, and I know I can’t go back to the South Pole.” She looked down. “I’ve changed too much to go back there and live the same life I would have if I’d never found Aang.”

Zuko frowned. “What life would that be?”

Katara made a face. “One where I wouldn’t be a Master Waterbender and I’d get married at sixteen and just be someone’s wife and make babies. And given everything, if I were to go back, I could easily get roped into a political marriage and I don’t want that either.”

“You get married at sixteen in the Water Tribes?” His frown deepened. The thought of Katara, young as she was, getting married to someone made him feel slightly sick. And jealous. 

No. Not jealous. Katara wasn’t his to be jealous about, nor did he want her to be. She was his friend, and he was just concerned for her.

“Well, that’s when we become eligible for marriage. Often, at least in the South, we wait until eighteen. But official engagements are common at sixteen.” She tossed a piece of bread to the turtleducks and sighed. “And I turned sixteen two days ago.”

Zuko felt his heart skip a beat. “What? Why didn’t you say anything? We could have done something special! I could’ve had the cooks make a cake or-”

Her hand on his made him stop as his breath caught in his throat. She was staring at him, her blue eyes bright with amusement as she laughed a little and shook her head.

“Zuko, it’s alright. I didn’t want to make it into a big deal.” She shrugged. “I haven’t really celebrated a birthday since before my mom died. And it doesn’t mean anything, not unless I go back to the South Pole.”

“Well, technically it means you could get engaged here in the Fire Nation as well,” Zuko said, forcing away any thoughts of  _ that  _ happening. “But apart from political marriages, nobody ever gets engaged or married that young here.”

She laughed again, turning back to her food, and he felt his stomach tighten in that way again. “I don’t think I have anybody here in the Fire Nation interested in me anyway, Zuko.”

_ Not true,  _ he thought. 

_ Yes true,  _ he forced himself to think. Agni, what was  _ wrong  _ with him?

The encounter with the Fire Sages sprang to the forefront of his mind. He glanced at Katara and then looked away. “The Fire Sages want  _ me _ to get married.”

He heard her cough and looked at her as she managed to swallow the noodles she had nearly choked on. Her face was tinged pink as she raised her eyebrows at him. 

“To who?”

He shrugged, though he couldn’t help but smile at her flushed cheeks. “I don’t think they care who. They just want me to marry and  _ secure the future of the Fire Nation.” _ He shuddered even as he jokingly used air quotes around the words the Fire Sages had used against him.

“Two weeks as Fire Lord and they’re already pushing you to get married?” She shook her head. “That just seems like it’d be doomed to not last.”

Zuko grunted. “Political marriages last forever, regardless of the happiness of those involved. Just look at my mother and father.” He sighed. “The only reason that ended was because my mom was banished. And that wasn’t made public.”

Beside him, Katara looked down at her hands. “I know you’re under a lot of pressure, Zuko. But you shouldn’t be pressured into a relationship that won’t make you happy. You already have to deal with so much, you shouldn’t have to deal with an unhappy marriage.”

“The Sages would say it isn’t about what makes me happy, but about what’s best for the Fire Nation.” He shook his head, lighting a small flame in the palm of his hand and watching as it danced there in the gentle breeze. 

“Screw what they say.” She muttered, turning to face him. “You  _ deserve  _ happiness. They can’t force you to marry someone you don’t want to be with.”

He met her gaze, feeling his heart race in his chest at the intensity burning in her blue eyes. Her eyes had always surprised him, even from the first time they had met, with how much  _ fire  _ they held. And thinking back to when he’d helped her track down Yon Rha… a shiver ran down his spine as he thought about how easily Katara could have killed him at any point if she’d wanted to. Instead, she’d saved him on multiple occasions.

His throat tightened and he swallowed as he thought about what the Fire Sages had said, about what Katara herself had said. 

_ You deserve happiness. _

Happiness wasn’t something he had been terribly familiar with until he finally turned against the Fire Nation, but even then, he hadn’t been truly happy until Katara had accepted him and forgiven him. She’d been there when he had doubted that his uncle would forgive him, and she’d fought Azula with him.  _ For  _ him. And she’d nearly died in the process.

Whenever he pictured himself happy, Katara was always there too.

His stomach flipped and he looked away from the waterbender, casting his gaze to the sky instead. The sun was setting, already half-obscured behind the mountains. Streaks of orange and gold lit up the sky and tinted the clouds with their cheerful hues as the darkness of dusk crept in from the east. 

“Well,” he said thickly. “I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.” 

Silence stretched between them for a while as they both just watched the sun sink below the mountains. One of the turtleducks quacked loudly from the edge of the pond and the others swam over, scrambling out and shaking the water from their feathers as they followed their mother into the bushes. 

“Did you really mean it?” Katara’s voice broke the silence. “When you said I could stay and help?”

Zuko turned to look at her. Dusk had fallen properly now, but the flickering flames of the torches provided plenty of light, and he could see the fire reflected in her eyes and making her skin glow. 

Maybe it was because she was the last piece left of his life after he’d betrayed his father and left the Fire Nation to finally do the right thing, or maybe it was because they were so closely bonded because of everything they had gone through together and the experiences they had in common, but he didn’t want to lose her. He wanted her to stay. He  _ needed  _ her to stay. If she left, he didn’t know if he’d be able to survive the nightmares.

But he’d never force her to stay if she didn’t want to.

“I did. If you want to.” He said softly. “And it doesn’t have to be forever, either. I want you to be happy and do what makes you happy.”

She turned her face to him and smiled and suddenly he felt like his stomach was on fire. He must be getting sick or something.

“Alright.”

“Alright?” He swallowed.

“I’ll stay. I’ll help with the education reform.”

He felt a grin spread across his face as he suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She wasn’t leaving. Before he could say anything, though, a servant appeared down the garden path, hurrying towards them and clutching a letter in his hands.

“Fire Lord Zuko,” the young man panted, bowing before him and offering him the letter. “This letter came addressed to you. It’s marked urgent.”

Zuko frowned, a sense of dread filling him as he took the envelope in his hands. “Thank you, Jiro.” 

The servant nodded respectfully to Katara and disappeared back down the path as Zuko examined the envelope. The handwriting was unfamiliar, the wax seal on the back unknown to him. Warily, he pulled open the envelope and pulled out the letter inside, unfolding it carefully and squinting through the semi-darkness to read it.

His heart nearly stopped as he processed the words before him.

_ “I have information that will help you find your mother. Meet me by the Eastern docks tomorrow at sunset. Don’t be conspicuous.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter was a pain in the ass to write. So difficult. I'm not sure why. (I'm also on vacation right now on a cross-country roadtrip so updates will probably be iffy or completely delayed from now until August, but that's only like 2 weeks so I'm sure you guys will be fine)
> 
> BUT 
> 
> We finally have the start to their adventure! Get excited because stuff is finally gonna start happening! And precious bean Zuko doesn't realize WHY he feels happy with Katara, poor thing. But of course, that'll all work itself out. Or maybe it won't. Who knows? 
> 
> Let me know what you think! I love hearing your thoughts.


	9. IX

She felt Zuko’s entire body stiffen beside her as his eyes scanned the parchment and she watched his face carefully as she felt her own heart beat faster in her chest. Whatever the letter said, it must be important.

She was about to speak when Zuko suddenly stood up from the bench, knocking his tea cup to the ground.

“We have to go find my uncle,” he said, finally looking up from the parchment in his hands - hands that were shaking slightly - and meeting her gaze. His golden eyes were full of desperation and fear and hope, and a shiver ran down Katara’s spine. She’d never seen him quite like this before.

She stood up, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on his arm. “What is it?”

He looked back down at the paper and took a deep, shaky breath before looking back up at her. “It’s my… it’s about my mother.”

\---

Katara chewed on her bottom lip as she watched Iroh examine the letter by the light of several bright lanterns. Zuko stood beside her, his fingers interlaced with hers as he gripped her hand tightly, waiting for his uncle’s assessment of the letter. His skin was burning hot and she could almost feel the anxiety rippling off him in waves, but she didn’t let go. 

“So?” Zuko exhaled, as Iroh finally set the parchment down on the table. “Do you think it’s legit? Or somehow related to the White Lotus?”

Iroh lifted his deep amber gaze to look at them, his eyes briefly meeting Katara’s before settling on his nephew beside her. He raised a hand to stroke his beard, thoughtfully.

“I cannot be entirely certain of either of those things, Zuko.” He frowned. 

“But you’re the Grandmaster of the White Lotus!” Katara interrupted. “Surely you can say whether or not it’s related to your organization.”

Iroh raised an eyebrow at her. “Usually, of course, I could. But this seal on the back… it looks like two seals were used - as if one were used by accident and then another placed on top. It makes it difficult to make a definitive identification of either of them, though one of them  _ does  _ resemble the White Lotus emblem.”

“But if the White Lotus knew about my mother… wouldn’t you have known? You would’ve told me, right…?” Zuko asked, his voice trailing off with doubt. 

Katara glanced at him, her heart aching at the sight of him so distraught. She couldn’t imagine that his uncle would have hidden something so important from him for so long, but she didn’t know Iroh very well. He’d kept the existence of dragons a secret for years. It wasn’t too farfetched to believe he’d also kept this secret.

“If I am correct in identifying this other seal,” Iroh continued, sighing. “Then this is coming from a family who has not been active within the organization for quite some time.” He frowned. “In fact, the member is believed to be dead.”

“What does that mean?” Zuko asked.

Katara swallowed, her throat suddenly very dry. Iroh met her gaze and nodded slightly, and her stomach clenched at the confirmation of her fears.

“It means,” she said slowly, squeezing Zuko’s hand tightly, “that someone else is trying to use the White Lotus to gain your trust.” 

“So,” he said, his body slumping with disappointment. “This is a trap?”

Katara opened her mouth, her own stomach twisting with disappointment, but before she could speak, Iroh interrupted her.

“Not necessarily.” He sat back in his chair, interlacing his fingers over his stomach as he regarded them both carefully. “This family, ignoring the tie to the White Lotus, was not known to support Ozai, even if they did not openly dissent. If it is a member of the family that is trying to reach out to you, it may be legitimate.” 

Zuko let go of her hand and slumped into a chair, pressing his palms to his forehead. “So what do I do? I’m the Fire Lord - I can’t just walk right into something that might be a trap and get me killed. Then everything would go right back into chaos.”

“It never said you had to go alone,” Katara said, sitting in the chair next to him and trying to catch his gaze. “It just said not to be conspicuous.”

He looked up, golden eyes full of anguish. “So? If it’s a trap, I don’t want anybody else getting hurt either.”

Her heart skipped a beat as Azula’s blue fire flashed before her, as she felt the searing heat and agony that had sent her spiralling into a choking blackness that still terrified her every time she closed her eyes. She could still hear the crackle of electricity in the air as Azula’s lightning flashed towards her through the sky, interrupted by Zuko flinging himself in front of it and catching it with his body. Panic rose in her throat and she swallowed thickly, fighting it back down as she closed her eyes for just a moment. 

She understood Zuko’s fear, probably better than anyone else ever could. But this was regarding his  _ mother,  _ the woman who had sacrificed herself to save him. And Spirits only knew, if she had a chance to see her mother again, she wouldn’t let anything stop her.

She opened her eyes and drew in a steadying breath. “We can use the Kyoshi Warriors. Have them scout the area ahead of time and be around in the area at sunset. They can pretend to be civilians, and no one will be able to pick them out of a crowd without their makeup and outfits. Then they’re there if we need them.”

“Katara, I-”

“Don’t tell me I’m not going with you, Zuko.” She glared at him. “I’m not going to let you walk into a potential trap without backup.”

“She’s right, Zuko.” Iroh spoke before Zuko could open his mouth to protest further. “Katara is someone you want to have guarding your back, if past experiences are anything to go by.” 

He was smiling at the two of them, and something about the way his eyes were twinkling made Katara’s stomach flip strangely. She pushed away the feeling and the memories of the Agni Kai and looked back at Zuko.

“Maybe… Maybe neither of us should be going.” He sighed.

“What?” Katara frowned. “This is about your mother. Of course we’re going.”

Zuko shook his head. “We don’t even know if it’s real. And even if it  _ is, _ I… I can’t just leave. I have responsibilities here.” He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t just pause being Fire Lord whenever something else comes up.”

“That’s very honorable of you, my nephew.” Iroh smiled at him. “But if this contact is legitimate, I think this is a journey that you need to take. I can look after the Fire Nation in your absence.”

Katara watched as Zuko looked up, his golden eyes flitting between her and his uncle, the beginnings of hope glimmering there. 

“Now you should both get some sleep,” Iroh continued. “You have a long day ahead of you.”

\---

Her nightmares were worse than ever that night. Azula and Yon Rha had been joined by a faceless man, shrouded in shadow and radiating an ominous, threatening aura. He said nothing,  _ did  _ nothing. He just watched silently as Zuko fell, as Katara screamed, as they both burned from Azula’s fire. When the choking blackness crept in and finally overcame her as it always did, she heard the distant echo of a man’s laughter ring in her ears. 

Now, as the day turned from late afternoon into early evening and she felt the first chill of autumn in the breeze, she pulled her brown cloak tighter around herself, trying to push away the memories of her nightmares. Zuko had spent most of the day with Iroh, going over all the important things that needed to be done should he actually have to cover for Zuko’s absence, which had left Katara alone with her thoughts.

It hadn’t exactly been pleasant.

She looked up as someone walked up beside her. Zuko’s golden eyes were watching her from beneath his hood, his own cloak hanging down loose over his casual Fire Nation clothes. The golden light of the sun reflected in his eyes and she felt her heart skip a beat in her chest. 

“Ready?” She asked, taking a deep breath as she watched him.

“No.” He sighed, looking away from her and out towards the east. “Let’s go.”

They left the palace grounds through a side gate that was apparently never used and made their way down a winding path towards the outskirts of Caldera City. The citizens of the Fire Nation had more or less gone back to their normal lives after Zuko’s coronation and the festival. Many of them were out milling around, talking with shop owners as they closed up or rushing in for last minute items for the night. Dressed in their simple brown cloaks and casual Fire Nation wear, they blended in with the crowd as they made their way through the less occupied streets towards the docks, though Katara couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched. 

The docks were loud and crowded; Katara guessed that the large metal ship that was currently anchored on the furthest dock was being loaded up and readied for a voyage. Groups of men were carrying crates and bags and laughing at each other as they took them towards the ship. Civilians scurried about, haggling over the fish merchants’ stalls and examining the more exotic goods that could be found in the stalls hidden in shadow by alleyways and dilapidated old buildings. Several Kyoshi Warriors, nearly unrecognizable to her without their signature look, mixed with the crowd. She felt a bit safer with them visible, but as she continued to cast her gaze about, she saw no signs of anyone that looked like they had secret information to give them.

They leaned up against a wall, pressed shoulder to shoulder as they scanned the docks. Katara could feel Zuko’s rapid pulse, his heart beating in tandem with her own. She was nervous; if this was a trap, they would have to fight their way out, and she didn’t want to have to do that. Their last fight together had gone so horribly wrong; her side ached dully as if to prove her own point. But if this wasn’t a trap, it meant they might have a solid lead on his mother’s whereabouts, and the possibilities that that brought with it were almost endless.

They noticed the figure at the same time. Katara felt Zuko tense beside her as they both narrowed their eyes, watching the cloaked figure walk towards them. She tensed her own muscles, her arms moving imperceptibly beneath the cloak to her waterskin, ready to strike at a moment’s notice.

“Follow me,” the mysterious person hissed as they passed, ducking into an alleyway.

Katara glanced at Zuko. He frowned at her for a moment before turning and following the stranger into the alleyway. Katara was close behind, her fingers ready at the cork to her waterskin, casting her eyes around for any signs of an ambush.

“You brought a friend.”

Katara’s eyes fell on the mystery person; they were leaning against the wall, one foot against the bricks, with their arms crossed, hood still concealing their face. A glimmer of satisfaction rose within her. Clearly they - whoever they were - hadn’t noticed the Kyoshi Warriors milling about, or else they would have mentioned that too.

“You didn’t say I couldn’t.”

The figure tilted their head slightly, as if considering Zuko. Then they shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“So what’s this information you have?” Katara asked, voice blunt. She was still tense. She still didn’t trust this person as far as she could throw them.

“I was taught that waterbenders were wishy washy people, but  _ you  _ are straight to the point.” The person said, a grin flashing in the shadow of their hood. Katara’s blood ran cold as she realized that this person knew who she was, but they raised a hand in anticipation of her comment. “I know exactly who you are. Don’t worry. It’s not my business who the Fire Lord spends his time with.”

“Then get to your business.” Zuko growled. “You said you had information about my mother.”

“Yes, I do.” They pushed off the wall and straightened up. “My father was a member of the White Lotus. I recently found some old documents of his that strongly suggest he offered passage to Princess Ursa when she was banished from the Fire Nation.”

“And who was your father?” Katara questioned, suspicion growling in her belly. Iroh had already told them he had no knowledge of the White Lotus helping Ursa. What this person was suggesting said otherwise.

They turned to look at her, and even without seeing their eyes, Katara felt the intensity of their stare weighing her down. 

“Forgive me,” they said. “But I’d rather not say, since that would also reveal my own identity.”

“So we’re supposed to trust you when you know exactly who we are, but you won’t tell us who you are?” Zuko frowned.

“Lots of people in your palace are still loyal to Ozai. On the chance that they witness this meeting or hear about it taking place, I’d rather not be revealed to them, but if you want, you can call me A.” They said, voice firm. “For the sake of your throne and the future of the Fire Nation, I hope that you choose to trust me.”

Katara glanced around again, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling slightly. There was nothing around - no one in the alley besides themselves, and no one on the rooftops. 

Zuko’s frown deepened. “I suppose that will depend on the extent and value of the information you have for me.”

‘A’ inclined their head. “According to the documents I found, my father smuggled the princess onto his ship the night she fled and took her across the sea to a port town south of Omashu called Dauoling. He gave her enough money and supplies to continue traveling for about a week, if she so chose.”

“And he did this under the orders of the White Lotus?” Katara narrowed her eyes.

“I’m not sure.” A said. “I couldn’t find anything that linked the White Lotus to his actions that night. It’s possible, I suppose.”

“Was there any other information?” Zuko pressed. “An alias she might have traveled by, where she might have gone from there?”

“Not… exactly.” A shifted slightly, as though unsure whether or not to continue. “I did find a letter addressed to my father from a woman named Umi, but there isn’t a return address or anything that proves it was Ursa.”

Katara glanced at Zuko, watching as he considered the information this mysterious ‘A’ had brought to them. From what she could tell, it seemed plausible, but was it enough? It would take a week just to reach the part of the Earth Kingdom where A was claiming Ursa had been dropped off, and who knew how far she had traveled from there. They could spend months searching and never find her.

“I know it isn’t much, but if you want to find her, I suggest starting out immediately.” A interrupted their thoughts. “I’ve booked you passage on that ship.” They pointed to the large metal cargo ship that they had seen being packed up earlier. “It leaves in an hour. I don’t know who else has had access to these documents or who else knew about this, but if word gets out, Ozai’s followers may try to find her themselves.”

“Zuko?” Katara asked, voice quiet. 

He looked at her, his golden eyes burning brightly. “I have to go. I know this isn’t much and I know that I still might not find her, but I have to try. I’ll understand if you don’t want to come with me-”

“I’m coming with you.” Katara said, frowning. “I’m not going to let you traipse around the Earth Kingdom by yourself and miss out on all the fun.”

She didn’t really want another adventure. She’d had plenty of adventures over the past year - enough to last a lifetime. But the thought of being without Zuko scared her. Her nightmares were only bearable because she could wake up with the expectation of seeing Zuko and knowing he was safe. She didn’t think she’d be able to handle the uncertainty of whether or not he was alive if he went alone.

“It could be dangerous-”

“Which is exactly why I’m going with you!” She pressed. “Even your uncle said you should have someone to watch your back.”

“Well, aren’t you two just adorable.” A interrupted, grinning beneath their hood. “But I have important things to do so I need to get going. If you two really are leaving, I would recommend getting on board that ship before it leaves.”

With that, A turned and strode off down the alley, headed back towards the main part of the city. Katara watched until they turned a corner and disappeared. Her cheeks had flushed at the stranger’s implication, just as they had back when Jun had suggested they were together before the comet. Her stomach churned uncomfortably as she avoided Zuko’s gaze for a few moments. 

“You’re sure you want to go?” Zuko asked, breaking the silence.

Katara felt the heat of his eyes on her and she turned to him, nodding solemnly as the heat faded from her face. “You helped me get closure for my mother.” She swallowed as the memories of her confrontation with Yon Rha sprang to the forefront of her mind. “It’s only fair that I help you find yours.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know.”

“So you don’t have to do this.”

“I know.”

“You said you wanted to stay and help people. That you were done traveling.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt again.” 

His eyes burned into hers and she felt a shiver run down her spine at the intensity there. And something else, flickering behind the golden flames. Even in the semi-darkness of dusk, his eyes seemed to almost glow. 

His words echoed in her head.  _ I don’t want you to get hurt again.  _ Her heart ached as she looked at him. And of course, his words mirrored her own thoughts. She couldn’t stand to see him hurt. Not again. 

She took his hand and squeezed it. “I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha so remember yesterday when I said updates might be postponed til August? Well here's an update that basically just negates what I said last chapter. BUT NOW I'm officially leaving and will be busy either driving or visiting places for the next two weeks so NOW it's probably true that I won't have time to update until August.
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter and the character of 'A'   
> Who do you think A is? Good, bad, neutral?   
> Are you excited for the next step in Katara and Zuko's adventure?
> 
> I'm definitely excited to write the next chapter! (maybe I'll get it out before August, who knows)
> 
> As always thank you all for your support in reading and commenting and everything you do to continue to motivate me!


	10. X

Whoever ‘A’ was, they had been very well prepared. Despite their apparent surprise at Zuko showing up with Katara by his side, the crew of the ship had been expecting two passengers, and when they set foot on the ship and Zuko removed his hood, they seemed unphased by his appearance. He doubted that they didn’t recognize him, especially once one of the men showed him and Katara to their cabin; it was small, tucked away at the end of a long corridor below deck, but comfortable. Far too comfortable for them to use it for any old traveler hitching a ride to the Earth Kingdom; in fact, they’d probably moved an officer out of this cabin to accommodate them. The captain knew who he was, or at the very least that he was important.

The cabin actually reminded him very much of the one he had slept in on his warship during his banishment, with its cold metal interior and Fire Nation emblem displayed proudly on the wall facing the door. There was a small table placed directly beneath the red and black banner with parchment and ink tucked away neatly in the corner, ready for use. Zuko half expected a set of dual broadswords to be displayed on the wall above his mattress, but no such swords were anywhere to be seen. That, aside from the second mattress set up on the other side of the room against the wall, was the only difference between this cabin and his old one.

“Look,” Katara said, pointing. “She’s left us supplies.”

“She?” He asked, brows furrowing even as he followed her gaze to the two large rucksacks leaning against the wall near the desk. 

“A.” She clarified, making her way over to the bags. “I have a feeling that she’s a girl. Or woman, I suppose.”

Zuko followed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. Now that Katara had mentioned it, he realized that he’d had the same feeling. A had been fairly average in size - perhaps on the slimmer side, though it was hard to tell with the cloak - with an androgenous voice. She - if she  _ was  _ a she - had seemed oddly familiar too, in a way that set Zuko’s teeth on edge and his stomach clenching with frustrated anxiety. 

He wished he’d had time to consult with his uncle about the information A had given them before they had boarded the ship. He would probably have been able to give valuable advice or perhaps told them it was a wild goose chase. Instead, they’d barely had time to tell Yeona, the Kyoshi Warrior who had taken command after Suki’s departure, about their plans before hurrying aboard the large grey ship. 

Beneath his feet, he felt the engines roar to life and the ship jerk slightly as it cast off from the dock. He looked at Katara. She was rummaging through one of the packs, taking inventory of what A had provided them with, he guessed. Her dark hair fell about her face - quite attractively, he thought, then hurriedly pushed that thought away - and her blue eyes were intensely focused on her task. She had discarded her cloak off to the side, revealing the Fire Nation outfit she had worn on Ember Island while they were in disguise. The only difference was that this time she still wore her mother’s necklace at her throat: a flash of blue that almost matched her eyes.

His mind drifted back to their earlier conversation. His heart skipped a beat as he remembered how intensely she had stared at him, how soft her hand had been on his as she adamantly refused to let him go alone. 

_ I know,  _ she had said, when he said it would be dangerous, that she didn’t have to go, that he didn’t want her to get hurt. His stomach clenched uncomfortably. Despite her reassurances, her determination, he was scared. 

He was also intensely thankful she had decided to come with him. Without her by his side, he was sure his nightmares would have become unbearable. He wouldn’t have been able to wake up and check that she was alive like he had done so for the past few weeks. 

“There’s sets of warmer clothes, in the Earth Kingdom style…” Katara murmured, still rummaging around in the sacks. “Some dried fruits and meats, nuts, some small knives, sleeping rolls and a tent.” She brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. “A really was prepared. And she must have somehow known I was coming with you; there’s clothes for both of us. And,” she pulled something from underneath the table where it had been carefully hidden. “A set of dual swords.”

Zuko’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of them and he took them from her, examining the worn handles and pulling one out slightly to examine the blade. They were older, but in excellent condition, the blades razor sharp and glinting beautifully in the torchlight. 

“I wonder how she knew to include them.” He pondered, sliding the sword back into its sheath and setting them carefully beside his mattress. “I’ve never really used them except while in disguise.”

“Why not?” Katara asked, setting the rucksacks back down, evidently done with her search. She turned to face him, brows furrowed.

“Well,” Zuko sighed, meeting her gaze for a moment before that odd tightening of his stomach came again and he looked away. “For one thing, my father thought that it was a waste of time for benders to train with other weapons. My uncle took me to train with Master Piandao in secret, and I never told my father about it until I confronted him with them during the eclipse.

“For another thing, I didn’t want anyone to connect me to the Blue Spirit, since I never would have been allowed to return home if it was revealed that I, the banished prince, was the bandit causing the Fire Nation so much trouble.”

“Wait,” Katara raised an eyebrow.  _ “You’re  _ the Blue Spirit?”

Zuko blinked. “Yes? Didn’t Aang tell you? He found out after I rescued him from Zhao’s prison.”

She shook her head, her eyes and wavy hair catching the torchlight and glittering beautifully. 

“Oh.” Zuko said, flatly. “Um. I’m the Blue Spirit.” 

He couldn’t think straight, staring at her, and he looked away, running a hand through his hair. He’d honestly thought that Aang had told them all about his secret identity and he was genuinely surprised that Katara apparently had had no idea. He wondered what else she didn’t know about him.

“That explains all the cloak and dagger stuff you were so good at when we went looking for Yon Rha.” Katara muttered, as if to herself.

He saw her eyes flash with something unidentifiable as she spoke the name, watched as she seemed to shudder slightly. She had never spoken about it since their adventure together, and Zuko had never asked her, not wanting to push her or intrude on her private emotions, but he’d always wondered how she felt about her decision. He wondered if his death haunted her at all. 

He nodded. “You were pretty good too, though, and you haven’t even had any real training.”

She didn’t respond, but instead made her way over to her mattress and sat down. Zuko followed suit on his own mattress, dropping his gaze from the waterbender across from him to examine the dao swords again. He felt more confident in their adventure with them beside him.

“We should get some sleep,” Katara finally said. “We have a long journey ahead of us.”

She sounded weary already, and Zuko felt guilt well up in his stomach as he looked at her. She looked more exhausted than she ever had before, and an odd desire rose up within him; he wanted to embrace her, hold her and stroke her hair until she fell asleep in his arms. 

Instead, he just lay down on his mattress, facing her, and tucked his arms up under his head. It felt odd, sleeping in the same room. It was strangely intimate, despite them having slept mere inches away from each other on Appa’s tail just a few weeks ago, despite them having saved each other’s lives. And even though she was already much closer to him than she had been in the palace, curled up on her mattress on the other side of the small room, he found himself wishing she were even closer.

\---

His nightmares were different that night. They still featured Katara being engulfed in Azula’s flames and Azula’s lightning burning him from the inside out. He was still stranded on the cobblestones, reaching out to save Katara but being unable to move, unable to do anything but scream out for her as she writhed within the blue flames. He still felt the agony of the lightning as it sent him flying backwards, the electricity coursing through every inch of his body. He still heard Azula’s wicked laughter echoing in his ears, taunting him, telling him how much she enjoyed watching them die. But now his mother was there too, calling out for him in a desperate, pleading voice before disappearing behind a wall of blue flames.

He woke with a choked yell, sitting up on his mattress as his heart pounded wildly in his chest. The room was almost pitch black as he cast his gaze desperately around it for-

There. She was there. A small, curled up smudge in the darkness, moving rhythmically as she breathed. Her back was to him, her hair spilling out across the pillow and mattress like a dark waterfall. She seemed so small and vulnerable, lying there, and although Zuko couldn’t see her face, he imagined that it was peaceful and serene - a contrast to how he felt.

He felt the panic die down as his heart rate steadied and slowed and the visions of flames faded from the forefront of his mind, but it was just replaced by a deep ache - a longing for his mother that he hadn’t allowed himself to feel for so long. He knew that going back to sleep would be impossible so he got up slowly, making sure to make no noise as he pulled on his cloak and boots and left the room, closing the door behind him. He winced slightly as the metal door squeaked on its hinges and clinked shut, holding his breath as he listened for a noise that might suggest Katara had woken up. 

There was nothing but silence beyond the door.

The ship was almost eerily silent as he made his way down the corridor and up the stairs to the deck, and he could tell it was still in the small hours of the morning even before he emerged into the night air. 

A chill wind bit at him, slicing through his cloak as if it weren’t even there. He shivered and took a few deep breaths, concentrating on his inner fire as he raised his temperature, simultaneously wrapping his cloak tighter around himself. 

He leaned against the railing of the ship, looking out across the dark ripples of the ocean waves. The sky above him was heavy with stars, and he could just make out the dragon constellation on the horizon, fading away now that summer was over. He remembered when his mother had first taught him that constellation, not long before she’d disappeared. 

More prominent in the sky now was the water spirit constellation. His mother had taught him that one too, the winter he’d turned ten. She’d tried to teach him many others, but the only two he really remembered were the dragon and the water spirit. During his banishment, he’d look up to the sky and watch the stars pass by and feel like his mother was still with him.

It had been a long time since he’d been out on the open ocean like this. Longer still since he had been sailing away from the Fire Nation. Almost unconsciously, he raised his left hand to touch his scar, remembering the humiliation and pain he’d felt as his father had forced him onto the ship and sent him away. He realized now, of course, that it had been his father’s hope all along that Zuko would spend his life on a useless search for the Avatar and never return home. 

“You’re up early.”

The voice jolted him out of his thoughts and he turned his head, dropping his hand from his face as Katara joined him at the railing. Her hair was blown gently off her shoulders by the wind, the signature loops of hair he’d come to adore waving across her face. 

She looked tired, her blue eyes duller than usual, her face weary as she studied him in return. He thought he saw something flicker across her face - indecision, perhaps? - before she fixed her face into a slightly sad smile and sighed heavily, leaning out across the railing and staring at the horizon. 

“So are you.” Zuko murmured, turning his gaze back to the horizon as well.

“I rise with the moon,” she smirked, almost playfully, glancing up at him as the silvery moonlight glinted in her eyes. “But you… you’re a sun boy. You should be fast asleep.”

He raised his eyebrow. “A sun boy?”

She shrugged and moved her hand in what might have been a dismissive gesture. “Sokka was always better at nicknames.”

“Clearly.” Zuko smirked and was rewarded with an icy glare from the waterbender. “What? You said it.”

She shook her head and turned her gaze back to the dark water all around them, but Zuko caught the small smile on her lips. He swallowed as he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. He liked it when she smiled.

“So… are you alright?” Her voice came slightly hesitantly.

He looked away from her then, back out at the stars that were just beginning to fade from the sky. Now that she was there beside him, he felt… not  _ alright,  _ necessarily, but  _ better. _ Better than he had when his thoughts had been consumed by memories of his banishment.

He was reminded of the last time he was staring out across the water on a ship like this. Mai had come up and asked him if he was cold. He’d tried to speak to her then and she had shut him down, not interested in how he was feeling. He’d found himself wishing that Katara had been there then, found himself remembering her gentle touch in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, found himself regretting his actions even as he desperately wished for his father’s approval.

She hadn’t been there then, but she was here now, standing beside him and watching him with those intense blue eyes that always seemed to look deep into his soul.

He sighed. “No.” A pause. “I… I was just thinking about the last time I was on a ship headed this direction.”

She sucked in a breath beside him and whispered. “Your banishment.”

He nodded, looking down at his hands. Her hand, skin dark against his own, came up to rest on top of his, and finally he looked at her, his stomach tightening.

“Is that what woke you up?” She asked.

The question was innocent enough, but even so, Zuko flinched and looked away, his whole body tensing. How could he possibly tell her that no, the reason he was awake was because he saw her die every night in his dreams? She was his best friend. He knew that she’d probably understand. But there was that feeling he got every time he looked at her and he didn’t… he couldn’t tell her. And he was afraid that if he told her about the dreams, he’d reveal more than he wanted to.

“I…” He hesitated. 

Katara shivered beside him, her hand leaving his as she wrapped her cloak tighter around herself in an effort to keep warm. Zuko cursed inwardly, realizing suddenly that she didn’t have the ability to warm herself.

“Here,” he said softly, turning and opening his arms, feeling his heart suddenly race in his chest as Katara leaned gratefully into his embrace. He increased his temperature a few more degrees with another concentrated breath so it would radiate out towards her more.

The contented sigh that escaped Katara’s lips made Zuko’s head spin, but he quickly took another breath to steady himself and wrapped his arms tighter around her. He closed his eyes, drinking in the moment and silently hoping that it would never end.

“You never answered my question.” Katara sighed, her gentle voice breaking the silence.

He opened his eyes and swallowed. “You never told me why you’re awake either.”

“I’m a light sleeper.” She muttered. “And when I saw you were gone… I… wanted to make sure you were okay.”

An ironic smile touched his lips.  _ He _ was a light sleeper. He always had been - ultimately that had been what had saved his life when Zhao hired the pirates to try to kill him. Even before the nightmares, he had often woken in the middle of the night to the sounds of a fire owl hooting or the rustling of the tree branches during a storm. 

Katara, though an early riser due to her responsibilities within Team Avatar, was  _ not  _ a light sleeper, as he had discovered during his time with them. But something in her voice told him not to question her. 

“I like watching the ocean at night.” He murmured, breathing in the smell of her hair mixed with the salt water carried to him on the breeze. 

She didn’t question him and he wondered if he saw through his own half-truth. If she did, she didn’t comment on it. Perhaps because she knew he’d seen through her own, or perhaps because she didn’t want to pry any further, she simply murmured, “Me too.” 

They remained like that, with Katara wrapped securely in his arms, as the sky began to lighten and the first golden rays of the sun shimmered on the surface of the waves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is August and as promised, here is an update! 
> 
> I've missed you all and I am looking forward to your thoughts on this newest chapter! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for all your support as always and I'll hopefully get another update out in the next few days or week.


	11. XI

Although the Fire Nation ship they were traveling on was just a cargo ship and had no offensive capabilities, it still resembled the warships that had enabled the Fire Nation to hold the upper hand in the war for a hundred years, and Katara felt uncomfortable on it. Being on the bulky metal ship had brought back unpleasant memories and her nightmares had become worse. She barely slept at all anymore.

The first night had been the worst. She’d woken up to find Zuko gone and the room deserted and had raced up to the deck of the ship. She’d found him near the railing, watching the stars, his cloak billowing out behind him in the chill wind. Her heart had steadied as relief flowed through her, flickering only when he had wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm. They had stayed there until the sun rose and the ship came alive again.

The next four nights, she had woken before him, sitting up straight on her mattress as she gasped desperately for air. The choking blackness from her nightmares seemed to still surround her in the dark room even as the imprint of blue fire faded away. Her throat was raw and constricted as if she had been trying to scream but couldn’t make any sound. 

As if watching Zuko convulse with Azula’s lightning and being taunted by her laughter and Yon Rha’s dead eyes hadn’t been bad enough, her mother now appeared in her dreams, sitting as she had been before Yon Rha, pleading for him to leave the village alone. But when Katara interrupted them, her voice years younger and quavering with uncertainty, the figure standing before Kya, tall and dark, turned to look at her, and it wasn’t the dark brown eyes of Yon Rha that she met with her fearful gaze, but a pair of bright blue ones. 

Her own. 

Then she was reliving her conversation with Yon Rha, but she was standing before her mother in their house in the South Pole. The ice shards intended for her mother’s killer pierced Kya’s chest instead, and Katara could only watch as the life faded from her mother’s eyes. Yon Rha’s laughter echoed in her ears and Katara could do nothing. She couldn’t move or breathe and she could hear someone screaming inside her head; it was her own voice, but something was broken inside it that sent a chilling fear shuddering through her body.

Whenever she woke, her cheeks were wet with tears and her entire body shook with silent sobs. Memories, a mix of her nightmares and the truth, swam through her mind, and she would watch Zuko’s chest rise and fall in his sleep as her heart steadied. Once her shaking had subsided, she would make her way up to the deck of the ship to watch the ocean pass by beneath the ship. 

He always found her, like she had found him the first night. Neither of them spoke much. She could see in his eyes that he was plagued by nightmares too. He’d always had such expressive eyes; even that first day in the South Pole when he’d raided her village in search of the Avatar, she had seen something deeper flickering behind the cold anger. 

But he didn’t speak of his nightmares, and she didn’t mention her own, though she suspected he knew about them too. They would just stand there and watch the ocean and the sky, his arms wrapped around her to fight off the bitter wind, until the sky lightened and dawn broke.

\---

The fifth morning dawned a little warmer than the others, and with the sunrise came the welcome sight of land on the horizon. Katara’s heart jumped with excitement and relief. Although she had loved being on the ocean again, the thought of getting off the steel cargo ship was a pleasant one.

“Fire Lord Zuko,” a voice interrupted politely.

Katara and Zuko turned from the railing and Katara immediately felt colder as Zuko dropped his arms from around her, moving a polite distance away from her. His face betrayed no embarrassment at being caught in such an intimate position with her, as if it had merely been a business transaction, and she was surprised to find that disappointment flickered inside of her.

“Master Katara,” the man continued, bowing to them both in the traditional Fire Nation way. “It has been an honor to transport you on your journey to the Earth Kingdom. If there is anything else I can do to assist you, please do not hesitate to ask.”

Zuko nodded at the man. “Thank you, Captain Shu. I do have a few questions, if you have the time.”

Captain Shu nodded as he straightened, his dark eyes flicking briefly to Katara and then back to Zuko. “Of course, sir.”

“The person who bought us passage on this ship. Can you describe them?”

Captain Shu shook his head. “Unfortunately no, I cannot. I simply received a letter stating that you and a traveling companion would be boarding my ship on its next journey and that I should not mention to anyone that I was transporting the Fire Lord.”

“The letter wasn’t signed by anyone?” Katara frowned.

The captain shook his head. “There was no signature, but it was sealed with a white lotus, so I assumed it was the great General Iroh.”

Katara glanced at Zuko. He was frowning thoughtfully as he considered the captain before them.

“It wasn’t. Thank you.” Zuko inclined his head. “We require nothing else.”

Captain Shu bowed once more before retreating, and Katara felt Zuko’s eyes fall on her. She shivered slightly, and it was only partially because of the wind that still blew in from the south.

“It makes me nervous that this A person knows how to manipulate the white lotus symbol to her advantage.” Katara sighed, turning back to the railing and watching as the land on the horizon drew closer. “And isn’t it a little odd that Captain Shu would trust a letter sent to him anonymously? It could have been from anyone.”

The journey was supposed to have taken them a full week, but throughout the day and when she was awake at night, her restlessness had prompted her to bend the ocean to her will, speeding the ship’s progress towards Dauoling. She was relieved, but also nervous, since they had no further leads on Ursa’s whereabouts once they reached the Earth Kingdom.

Zuko sighed beside her. “It makes me nervous too. But Captain Shu is an honorable man. He was always loyal to the Fire Nation, but never directly to Ozai.” He glanced at her. “And A also hasn’t put us in any dangerous positions either. There was no risk at the harbor, this ship is crewed mainly by ex-soldiers who retired from their mandatory military service because they disagreed with the war, and Dauoling is renowned for its hospitality to visitors.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Katara mumbled, though she remembered the night the whole crew had gotten together in the main cabin and shared songs and stories of their lives. It had been a melancholy affair, and she hadn’t enjoyed it so much as learned to appreciate how so many of the Fire Nation citizens had been badly affected by the war as well. 

Zuko shrugged. “Perhaps not. But it’s too late to turn back now.”

\---

The ship docked that evening. The sky was busy turning from the orange and yellow of sunset to a somber grey as Katara felt Zuko slip his hand into hers. They disembarked, dressed in the Earth Kingdom clothes and traveling cloaks that A had left in their packs, and made their way down the pier towards the harbor. Their packs were slung over their backs, and Zuko’s dao swords were prominent even within their sheath. The swords and the confidence with which he carried himself were likely to scare away any minor pickpockets or thugs, but Katara kept a sharp eye out just in case.

Despite the darkening sky, the city of Dauoling was a hive of activity. Streetlamps came on automatically as merchants and traders still hailed passersby, attempting to strike last minute purchases. A few buildings along the waterfront were well-lit and lively with the sound of raucous laughter and - occasionally - angry shouting, indicating they were taverns. They looked a little rough around the edges, but compared to some places Katara had been to, it was a safe haven. People were unhurriedly making their way home, passing by the two strangers without a second glance.

Although Dauoling was a relatively safe city, it still had its dangers, especially for the two of them. They had decided to travel under false names to reduce the risk of being attacked. Although there was supposedly peace between the nations now, there was doubtless still enmity towards the Fire Nation, and the Fire Lord in particular. They had to be careful.

She felt Zuko tighten his grip on her hand as they passed a few shady figures talking in an alleyway; she felt the weight of their eyes on them as they hurried by, but the men did not follow them. 

The town seemed to become quieter as they moved further inland from the harbor, and Katara couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when they finally set eyes upon the inn recommended to them by Captain Shu.

It was small but bright, made of rough grey stone and dark wood. Laughter could be heard from inside and the smell of hot, home-cooked food wafted to her nostrils. She breathed in the smell, her stomach rumbling with hunger. She looked up for a moment to meet Zuko’s amber gaze, smiling slightly as she squeezed his hand, and then they entered the inn.

Katara scanned the crowded front room. Several large groups of travelers and merchants sat enjoying their drinks, laughing and slapping each other on the back as they guffawed at how well they’d managed to rip off a customer or how they had finally rid themselves of the worthless junk they’d been trying to sell for weeks. A few slightly more focused individuals sat in the corner playing Pai Sho, bags of coins set on the table beside them, and two barmaids bustled around with trays of food and drink, cheerfully flirting with the more respectful men while expertly avoiding the outstretched hands of the drunker, rougher ones. 

Katara raised an eyebrow at the sight before turning her gaze on the innkeeper. 

Her first thought was that he must be  _ ancient.  _ His skin was yellowed and lined, age spots prominent on his hands and face. His head was bald, but his eyebrows were bushy and stark white. He had a slightly hooked, wide nose, and he stooped slightly where he stood. Even so, his grey eyes were bright and inquisitive as he caught sight of them, the corners of his eyes crinkling into a thousand wrinkles.

“Hello there, young travelers!” He grinned toothily at them as they approached, his voice surprisingly loud and strong. “What can I do fer ya?”

His accent was thick and unfamiliar, and for a brief moment he reminded her a bit of King Bumi, but Katara just blinked and smiled at him. “We would like a room, please, and a hot meal.”

The man glanced between her and Zuko, his eyes lingering for a few seconds over the scar that was just barely visible beneath Zuko’s hood, as he continued wiping down the counter with a slightly stained rag. Katara was suddenly grateful that her cloak, fastened tight at her throat, hid her mother’s necklace from view. The intensity with which the man studied them unnerved her.

“Right ya are,” he said, dropping a key onto the counter, not once interrupting his wiping of the wooden surface. “I need a name for the ledger, though, ya know.”

“Lee.” Zuko said flatly from beside her.

The man’s gaze flicked back up to him and he smiled brightly before looking back at Katara. “And?”

“Sapphire.” Katara beamed at him to hide her discomfort, using the first name that popped into her head. 

“Lee and Sapphire, hmm?” The man said, more to himself than anything. “Right ya are. Well then,” he turned his intense gaze back on them. “Luci will be up with your food in just a mo. Room’s up the stairs, third door on the left.”

Katara nodded to him and picked up the key. “Thank you, sir.”

“Tsering.” The man said, finally pausing in his wiping of the counter when Katara turned back and frowned in confusion. “My name is Tsering.”

Katara felt Zuko stiffen slightly beside her as she nodded. “Oh. Thank you, Tsering.”

The man held her gaze for an uncomfortably long moment before he grinned and resumed wiping the counter. “Off ya go then, young ones!” He called cheerily.

As they made their way up the stairs and down the short hallway to the third door on the left, Katara kept glancing back behind them, but no one followed them. Even so, the hairs on the back of her neck had stood up as the old man, Tsering, had stared at her. She glanced at Zuko, but his face was impassive.

The room was small but cozy. Clean sheets, dyed a soft green color, covered a simple double bed in the approximate center of the room. The light of a streetlamp shone through the single window whose curtains were drawn back. A small door to the right of the room indicated what Katara assumed was a washroom attached to the bedroom, and there was a small desk and matching chair placed beneath the window. The furniture was old and made of dark wood, but it had a simple sort of elegance to it that seemed unusual for the Earth Kingdom. In her experience, earthbenders favored functionality over style, and this room was a bit more tasteful than most she’d seen.

“So why did you tense up when the innkeeper told us his name?” Katara asked, shutting and locking the door behind them as she dropped her pack to the ground. She turned her gaze to meet Zuko’s, who gazed back at her with eyes of liquid gold. 

“It’s probably nothing,” he mumbled, shrugging off his own pack and moving to draw the curtains closed. “It’s just… the name is… it’s in the ancient language the Airbenders used.”

Her heart skipped one beat. 

Two. 

“What? How…?”

“My Uncle taught me some of the languages from the other nations,” Zuko sighed, rubbing his face wearily. “At the time I thought it was pointless, of course, but I still remember some of them.” He met her gaze again. “And I’m not… I’m not saying that his name means anything. Some Earth Kingdom people probably just found some records of the Airbender temples and one of them liked the name.” He shrugged. “Like I said, it’s probably nothing.”

Her head was spinning, and her next question slipped out before she could think. “Wait… do you know the Water Tribe language then?”

His lips formed a grim smile. “Bits and pieces. Not as much as I would like.”

The knock at the door made them both jump, and Katara, still reeling from this new discovery, watched Zuko slide into a defensive position as she took a breath and moved over to the door.

“Master T said you two ordered some food.” A young, dark-haired girl, barely Katara’s age or possibly younger, stood before the door, smiling pleasantly at Katara’s suspicious face peeking around the door. 

“Oh, right,” Katara exhaled, opening the door a bit wider to take the tray with the two large bowls being offered by the girl.

“And he said this was dropped off for you as well.” The girl added, handing over a small scroll, sealed with a blob of black wax.

Katara frowned and took the scroll as well. “Oh. Thank you.”

The girl grinned and bobbed her head. “My pleasure. Enjoy your stay!” 

Then she was gone.

Katara shut the door and set the tray down on the table, still frowning at the scroll. Despite the frankly delicious aroma rising from the bowls and the rumbling in her stomach, she ignored the food in favor of opening the scroll.

“What is it?” Zuko breathed, leaning over her shoulder.

His breath, hot and gentle, tickled the skin on her neck and sent a shiver down her spine. She closed her eyes for a moment before carefully peeling the wax off the scroll and unfurling it.

_ “Meet me downstairs at sunrise. You’ll know who I am. Oh, and don’t be late.” _

Katara frowned and glanced up at Zuko. He was still incredibly close as his eyes scanned the neatly written characters. 

“It can’t be A, right? She wouldn’t have been able to get here before us.”

He shook his head, finally moving away from her and grabbing one of the bowls of rice and meat that Luci had brought for them. “No. Besides, if A had more information, why wouldn’t she have given it to us before we left?”

Katara shrugged, setting the scroll down and picking up her own bowl. “So… it’s one of A’s contacts?”

Zuko nodded. “Probably. Or, more likely, one of her father’s contacts, since it seems like A didn’t know about any of this until recently.”

Katara chewed a piece of tandori chicken thoughtfully. “I wonder how we’ll know who they are.” She frowned. “Assuming they aren’t a member of the White Lotus, since Iroh didn’t know about any of this, I can’t think of any other way to tell who we’re supposed to talk to.”

Zuko shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out tomorrow morning at sunrise.”

“Yeah.” 

They finished their meal in silence before setting their bowls on the tray and placing them outside the door to their room. The hall seemed oddly quiet, as if no one else was staying at the inn, but it was more likely that the walls were insulated to keep occupants from eavesdropping on their neighbors. 

Exhaustion quickly took over as Katara once again locked the door to their room. She made her way over to the washroom, splashing cool water on her face to rinse away the salt of the ocean spray, and sent some water through her hair for good measure. It wasn’t as good as a bath, but she didn’t have the energy to draw a full bath.

When she emerged, she saw Zuko hovering awkwardly near the desk.

“I… uh… I’ll take the floor.” he mumbled, not really looking at her.

“What?” Katara frowned, crossing her arms as she looked up at him. “Nonsense. This is one of the few times we’ll probably get to sleep in a bed on this trip. I’m not letting you sleep on the floor.”

The thought of sleeping in the same bed with Zuko made her heart flutter and her stomach twist uncomfortably, but it shouldn’t. Not really. It wouldn’t be any different than when they had slept inches from each other on Appa’s tail just weeks ago.

“Well, I’m not letting  _ you  _ sleep on the floor. You’re the least healed out of the two of us.” Zuko said stubbornly.

“I’m not going to argue that I should sleep on the floor.” Katara huffed. She was too tired for this. “The bed has room for both of us.”

Maybe it was the low light, or maybe it was her imagination, but she thought that Zuko had flushed at her suggestion. 

“I… but…” He stammered.  


“I’m too tired to argue, Zuko.” She sank onto the edge of the bed and kicked off her boots, dropping her cloak and the warm outer layer of her outfit to the ground beside them. Another wave of exhaustion had washed over her, and, although she wasn’t looking forward to the nightmares she knew waited for her if she fell asleep, she couldn’t stay awake any longer. 

“Do what you want,” she mumbled, closing her eyes as she fell against one of the pillows. It was feather soft - in fact, the whole bed was - and she felt as if she were floating through the sky on Appa as she drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, another update! I know this one was a bit more filler and I *know* the whole "one bed" trope is over used but I used it in the original version and I think it worked well so I decided to keep it. Plus, who knows how it'll turn out in the morning? ;)
> 
> What do you think about the new development in Katara's nightmares?   
> Who do you think will be waiting for them in the morning?  
> Any thoughts on who 'A' is yet?
> 
> As always, thanks to all my readers and supporters. I can't wait to hear what you think of this latest update!


	12. XII

The first thing Zuko became aware of when he woke up was that he was very warm and very comfortable. The second thing was that there was pale light beginning to filter in through the closed curtains which meant… he’d slept through the night? He couldn’t remember any nightmares bothering him that night, and he felt more rested than he had in weeks.

He shifted slightly in an attempt to sit up, blinking blearily as he tried to reorient himself. As he did so, he became aware of a third thing: Katara curled up next to him, her dark hair spilling out across the pillow, her chest rising and falling gently. Her lips were slightly parted, her eyes closed, her face soft and peaceful. The faint smell of waterlilies and ocean rose to his nose as she shifted in response to his movement, but she didn’t wake.

Her hands were tucked up by her cheek, the relaxed nature of her face making her look younger, less world-weary. It made her look like a sixteen-year-old girl  _ should  _ look. One who  _ hadn’t  _ fought in a war or lost her mother or who had repeatedly saved the Avatar and her other friends’ lives.

His heart hammered in his chest as he stared down at her. Spirits, she was beautiful. She was always beautiful, but  _ especially  _ now, when she was just… peaceful.

A strand of hair had fallen across her face, and he itched to brush it away, to touch her dark cheek. He wondered if it felt as soft as it looked. His hand was resting gently on her waist, as if they had mutually snuggled closer to each other in their sleep, and it was all he could do to subtly lift his fingers away without waking her. 

Swallowing thickly, he moved slowly and softly away from her, doing his best to replace his body with the blanket so she wouldn’t feel suddenly cold and wake up. As much as he wanted to stay - and  _ spirits  _ did he want nothing more than to stay and wrap his arms around her and bring her closer - he knew that she was asleep, and it would be unfair to assume that her snuggling close to him in the night meant anything more than she had been cold and he was warm.

Even so, he felt an ache in his chest as he stood up from the bed and made his way to the window. He drew the curtain back slightly, blinking at the grey dawn. The sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon, its glow yellow and pale.

_ Sunrise. _

He jolted, remembering the letter from the night before, and let go of the curtain. He hadn’t expected to sleep through the night. He wasn’t even sure how he had managed it after all these weeks. And Katara too, it seemed. 

He still hadn’t told her about his nightmares, and she hadn’t spoken about the ones he suspected she had. Not that it would help, of course. He couldn’t protect her from her dreams anymore than he could protect her from Azula in his own nightmares. 

Perhaps one day he would tell her. Once they were back home in the palace. Before she left for the South Pole like she inevitably would. Before he was left alone with no way to make sure she was still safe and not dead on the cobblestones. 

Perhaps.

But right now they needed to get downstairs to meet with their contact.

“ _ Oh, and don’t be late.”  _ The letter had said, and he inwardly cursed as the sun began to rise higher.

“Katara?” Zuko said, slightly hesitantly, as he made his way back to her and rested his hand on her shoulder. 

She murmured something unintelligible but didn’t open her eyes. His heart fluttered despite himself.

“Katara?” Zuko repeated, shaking her as gently as he possibly could. “You need to wake up. We need to get ready.”

Finally her eyes opened, bright blue and bleary with sleep. His stomach twisted when she met his gaze; there was a quiet sort of vulnerability in her eyes that he hadn’t expected to see.

“What?” She mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes before casting her gaze about the room as if searching for something to be wrong. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” He said. “But it’s sunrise. We need to go downstairs.”

“It’s  _ sunrise?”  _ She stammered, looking at him with a confused expression. She opened her mouth again as if to say something else, but shook her head instead, swinging her legs out of bed and reaching for her discarded top layers of her dress.

Zuko turned away to let her dress. It was unnecessary, he knew, since she was fully covered in the undermost layer of her Earth Kingdom dress anyway, but somehow watching her felt as though he were invading her privacy. His throat tightened and he closed his eyes, swallowing at the other images appearing in his head: Katara, collapsed on the cobblestones beside him, her entire right side blackened and burned, her tunic charred and smoldering. 

He hadn’t seen her injury since that day. It had always been bandaged whenever he visited while she was unconscious, and she had always been fully dressed whenever they saw each other afterwards. Unbidden, his hand moved to feel his starburst burn through his shirt and he swallowed, wondering if she had a scar just like he did. 

It was more than likely, he knew. Azula’s fire burned deep and savage. Like their father’s always had.

“Do we need to take anything?” 

Her voice drew him out of the unpleasant memories, and he turned to find her fully dressed once more, her waterskin slung over her shoulder. Her mother’s necklace flashed blue at her throat, her hair was loose and fell in waves down her shoulders, and her eyes stared up at him like tiny oceans. She didn’t look Earth Kingdom, no matter how she dressed, but they were certainly less conspicuous. 

Even in the browns and greens of her simple, layered dress, she looked beautiful.

“Uh…” He began. His mind was temporarily blank and he struggled to break away from her captivating gaze. His eyes fell on his swords and he picked them up. “This should be more than enough. I don’t think we’re in any danger here. No one knows who we are, just that we’re travelers.”

“Okay then.” She exhaled. “Let’s go meet this  _ second  _ mystery person.”

They made their way, cautiously, out of their room and down the stairs to the dining room of the inn, but nothing sparked suspicion. A few early risers were huddled at tables, nursing steaming cups of tea and bowls of porridge. Zuko tensed slightly as a few of them looked up at the two newcomers, but their gazes were disinterested and they quickly returned to their breakfasts.

“Zuko… is that?” Katara breathed beside him, clutching at his sleeve.

Zuko followed her gaze and felt his heart skip a beat in his chest as he saw exactly what Katara had.

A woman sat in the corner of the room, her dark eyes watching them intently. Despite the fact that it was early autumn, she was dressed in a black sleeveless top, belted tightly around her waist, and skin-tight black pants with knee-high boots. Long, black fingerless gloves stretched up her arms, stopping just below the matching red dragon tattoos on each side. The darkness of her clothing contrasted starkly with her pale skin, and her long black hair was partially pulled up into an overly large topknot and secured with fabric resembling a skull while the rest fell attractively in front of her face and behind her shoulders. 

Automatically, his legs carried him over to the woman, with Katara beside him, and they sat down wordlessly as the woman’s dark lips curved into a smirk. 

“Well well,” the woman began. “I was hoping to never see you again, but here we are.”

Zuko frowned. “Jun. It’s nice to see you too.”

Jun raised her eyebrows and sipped at her tea. “Is it?” She paused for a moment, as if considering something. “I guess I  _ did _ sort of help save the world.” She shrugged.

“You helped us find my uncle.” Zuko’s frown deepened.

“And by doing so, helped save the world.” She smirked wider. “Heard you fought your sister.”

The mention of Azula made him feel sick but he refused to drop Jun’s gaze. “It was necessary.”

Jun raised her hands slightly defensively. “Hey, I don’t care who fights who so long as I still get contracts. And boy, the end of the war has brought a  _ ton  _ of those. War criminals, escaped prisoners, corrupt politicians. You name it, I’ve been paid to find ‘em.” She raised an eyebrow as she met Zuko’s gaze. “Got a few offers to hunt you down, too.”

“Which you denied, I’m guessing?” Zuko muttered, bitterly.

She grinned. “Clearly. Would have paid amazing, but I don’t make a habit of capturing current rulers of countries. Matter of policy.”

“I’m glad our previous agreements had nothing to do with your decision.” He growled.

“Oh, well… that too, I suppose. But mostly policy.” Jun shrugged. “Like I said, they were offering  _ a lot  _ of gold.”

“So are you the one who gave us the letter last night?” Katara interrupted, and Zuko was glad she decided to divert the conversation back to business.

Jun turned her dark gaze to Katara, appraising her. “You know, I  _ still  _ think she’s too pretty for you.” Her tone was light as she looked back to Zuko.

He could tell she just wanted a reaction; she’d always teased him about Katara. At first it hadn’t bothered him, but after their time on Ember Island… He and Katara had adamantly denied any involvement, of course. Nothing had ever happened. And nothing ever would. They were friends, no matter how beautiful she was.

“Just answer the question.” He snapped, perhaps a little too defensively.

Jun snorted and downed the last of her tea before leaning back in her chair with her arms folded. “You think I’d be here if I wasn’t?” She sighed. “Believe me, I wish I  _ hadn’t  _ been dragged into this. It’s taking precious time away from my contracts.”

Zuko glanced at Katara and guessed that she was thinking the same thing as he was. “If you aren’t getting paid… why are you doing this?”

Jun sighed again and waved a hand dismissively. “I owed her a favor. She cashed it in.”

“So A  _ is  _ a woman,” Katara exhaled, so softly that Zuko barely heard it.

“And how do you know her?” Zuko narrowed his eyes. He remembered how A had seemed vaguely familiar, but throughout the past week of contemplation he still hadn’t been able to gain any further insight as to her identity.

Jun smiled thinly. “I’m afraid I don’t do the whole tragic backstory thing  _ or _ reveal the names of my contacts, sorry. Suffice it to say I’ve known her a long time. She’s trustworthy.”

Zuko felt Katara shrug beside him as he nodded at Jun, accepting that the bounty hunter wasn’t about to reveal A’s true name. It had probably been too much to hope that the shady woman would help them any more than she needed to.

“Alright then.” He said. “What information do you have for us?”

Jun raised her hand to signal for more tea, then leaned forward. “Seven years ago, Princess Ursa landed here in Dauoling. She stayed here for two days before heading east, following the mountains. She reportedly had an ostrich horse and enough money for about a week of travel. Nyla and I followed her path as far as we could. It seemed to end in a town called Xin, in the foothills of the Eastern Mountains. Nobody in the town further on seemed to have any clue about a foreign woman stopping through.”

Zuko slumped in his seat, disappointment washing over him. He remained silent as the girl from the night before, Luci, poured them all more tea and departed.

“So. We came all the way here just for a dead end.”

“Wait,” Katara said suddenly. “Nyla. Your shirshu. Surely Nyla could find the trail again, right?”

Jun shook her head. “Scents fade after so many years. Nyla’s impressive, but with such an old trail, and especially without a fresh scent to base it off, she can’t pick it up.”

The small bubble of hope that had dared to rise in his chest popped and he felt even worse than before. “So it’s useless. We should have stayed in the Fire Nation. Spirits knows I  _ should  _ be there, running my country.”

“Oh, cheer up Prince Pouty.” Jun rolled her eyes. “I said we followed as far as we could. That doesn’t  _ necessarily _ mean the trail ends there. She probably took a different direction than what Nyla and I took. But we had to complete one of our contracts on our way back here so we couldn’t waste any more time exploring.” She shrugged. 

“What, so we’re just supposed to go to Xin and pick a direction and  _ hope  _ that Ursa went that way?” Katara asked, exasperation dripping from her words.

Jun shrugged. “Sure. I’d recommend the direction  _ not _ headed into the mountains. It’s unlikely a woman traveling alone on an ostrich horse would make it through there.”

“But it could take  _ days  _ of traveling to reach the next town, and then if it turns out we picked the wrong direction, we’d have to start all over back in Xin.” Zuko frowned, crossing his arms and glaring at Jun.

She shrugged again. “That’s not  _ my  _ problem.”

Zuko let out a low growl as he slammed his fist on the table. “But it  _ is  _ mine!” He snapped. “I can’t just wander around the Earth Kingdom countryside for weeks  _ hoping  _ to find the right direction.”

He felt Katara rest a hand on his forearm and the weight of her eyes on his face. He glanced at her, his heart racing, then leaned back in his chair, breathing heavily. He clenched his fist, took a deep breath, and unclenched it, forcing himself to relax - not only his fist, but his whole body. 

Releasing some of the tension in his body just made him realize how tense he had been, and how tense he still was. Despite finally getting a full night’s sleep, he knew he was far from fully recovered from his trauma. And it wasn’t like he’d been a relaxed person before that, either.

Jun watched them, her dark eyes glittering. Then she sighed and downed her entire cup of tea. “I suggest you two travel to Xin. Who knows what you’ll discover by asking around and exploring. Now, it’s been  _ great _ catching up with you both, but I’ve gotta be heading out now. Nyla gets twitchy without exercise and I’ve got a bunch of contracts that need completing.”

They watched her go, and Zuko felt a heavy weight of disappointment at the futile nature of their journey. It wasn’t like they had Appa to fly them to Xin. They could buy ostrich horses, but even then it would take them nearly two weeks to reach that town. And then who knew how long it would take to find any other information, and how much longer after that until they actually found his mother. It could be months before they returned to the Fire Nation, and he couldn’t leave his country for that long. Not so soon after the war. People would talk.

“We should go back.” He sighed, staring down at his now-cold tea.

“What?” Katara frowned. “We can’t go back. This is your  _ mother,  _ Zuko. We have to find her.”

“My nation is at risk, now more than ever. I can’t just abandon it for an extended period of time. A few weeks was one thing. It’ll take two weeks to reach Xin. This would extend our trip -  _ one way  _ \- to almost a month, at least, perhaps longer.” He sighed and shook his head, not looking at Katara. 

“Headed to Xin, eh?” 

The familiar, thickly accented voice of the innkeeper Tsering made him look up, golden eyes meeting calm grey ones. The ancient man smiled down at him.

“I… we… Yes, but-” Zuko stammered, wondering just how much this old man had heard. It wouldn’t do for it to get out that the brand new Fire Lord was out wandering the Earth Kingdom instead of running his country. Before Zuko had a chance to say anything else, though, Tsering placed his hand, holding something in his fingers, on the table.

“If you ride to Gyatse - just a little bit south of the main road to Xin - and give this to Norbu, she’ll help ya out. Help get ya to Xin and back a bit quicker.” He winked and left to return to the bar, leaving behind whatever he had been holding.

Zuko watched him, frowning, as he returned to wiping down the counter of the bar just as he had been doing the night before, and he briefly wondered if the man ever did anything else.

He heard Katara’s sharp inhale beside him. 

“Zuko,” she breathed. “Look at this.”

He glanced at her, then down at her hands in which she was now delicately holding a small pendant. 

It was about the size of Katara’s palm, made of a medium brown wood, and was attached to a similar wooden chain. It was well worn, smoothed by years of wear, but still in excellent condition. Symbols were carved into the surface of the wood. Symbols that were hauntingly familiar. Symbols he’d seen carved into a pendant almost identical to this one, except brand new. 

A pendant he’d seen hanging around Aang’s neck the day of his coronation and first official appearance of the monk Avatar.

His heart hammered in his chest as he realized what it was. He didn’t need Katara’s awed whisper to tell him what it was.

“It’s an Airbender pendant.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter SUCKED and I do not know why. But thank you all for being patient! 
> 
> I am SUPER excited to hear your thoughts on this chapter!!!   
> What do you think about the Airbender pendant? And Tsering?  
> Were you excited that Jun made an appearance?   
> Any more thoughts as to who A is?
> 
> Thank you all for your support and love for this story. I can't wait to read all your comments! They absolutely make my day <3 
> 
> Also as a note, my university kicks back up next week so updates may be slower than they have been this summer. I'm hoping for at least twice a month or so but there are no guarantees since school comes first. Final year, here I come!


	13. XIII

The pendant was warm and smooth in her hand as she and Zuko examined it, hearts pounding. The implication that the pendant’s existence brought with it sent shivers down Katara’s spine. 

The world had long since accepted that Airbenders no longer roamed the skies, that Sozin had succeeded in destroying all of them. Aang had struggled to accept it after he woke up from the iceberg, but eventually he, too, had come to terms with being the last of his kind.

Now, with this pendant in her hands, and Tsering’s name and voice echoing in her head, she wondered if maybe they were wrong. Even the name of the town they were supposed to ride to - Gyatse - sounded familiar. Like Gyatso, Aang’s mentor from his days at the Air Temples. 

“Do you think…?” She whispered, looking up to meet Zuko’s golden eyes.

He stared at her for a moment, then looked down at the pendant again, running a finger along its smooth curve. 

“I… I don’t know.” He whispered. “The Fire Nation believed - still believes, actually - that the dragons are extinct. And that’s not true. But that’s also far more recent. The dragons haven’t had to hide for a century, only a few decades.”

She nodded. She knew how unlikely it was that the Airbenders had survived in secret for a hundred years with no sightings. Surely, over the course of the past century,  _ someone  _ would have seen them if they still existed. And now that the war was over, shouldn’t they have come out of hiding?

“Should we tell Aang?” Zuko asked.

“No.” Her response was immediate, her voice sharper than she intended. “No. I don’t want to give him false hope.”

_ And,  _ she thought, somewhat bitterly as she remembered the way she and Aang had parted,  _ I don’t really want to see him right now.  _

Zuko just nodded. “Maybe we should ask Tsering and see if he’ll tell us anything else.”

Katara nodded and stood, slightly stiffly. She looked over at the bar, searching for the wizened, mysterious old man, but he was gone. Only Luci stood there, carefully examining the logbook.

“Excuse me,” she said, frowning as she approached the girl. “Where did Tsering go?”

Luci looked up at her, brows furrowed. “Tsering?”

“The innkeeper.”

“Oh!” The girl’s face brightened. “Master T just left. He said he’d be gone for a few days.”

Katara felt Zuko’s warmth beside her as she frowned deeper in confusion.

“Where did he go?” He asked.

“Beats me!” Luci laughed. “He sometimes leaves like this. Never says where or why, but he always comes back with some amazing fruit pies for me and Min, so we don’t mind watching the inn for him while he’s away.”

Katara heard Zuko’s growl of frustration and gently placed a hand on his forearm before turning her attention back to Luci. “Do you know how long the road is to Gyatse?”

“Hmm…” Luci considered, tapping her chin with the ink brush she held. “I think it’s about two or three days by ostrich horse. But that place is dangerous! No one goes there. It’s full of bandits and thieves and murderers!” 

Katara raised an eyebrow. “Have you been there?”

The girl’s eyes were wide as she shook her head. “No. I’d never go there in a million years.” She seemed to consider the two of them for a moment, confused. “Why do you want to go there?”

Katara shrugged. “We were just considering it. Maybe we won’t now that you’ve told us how dangerous it is, though.”

Of course, that was a lie. There was no way she was going to give up a chance to find out if there really were still Airbenders. And, if what Tsering had said was true, it sounded like whoever lived there would have a faster mode of transportation than ostrich horses, which would allow her and Zuko to search for his mother more easily. 

Luci seemed to relax at her words, though, breathing a sigh of relief as she smiled. “Oh, good. You two seem so nice, I’d hate for you to get into trouble.”

“Thanks.” Zuko muttered stiffly. “Do you know where we can buy some ostrich horses?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Old Mister Jin by the Eastern gates has a whole bunch of em! I like going by the stables and petting them on my days off.”

“Right.” 

Katara couldn’t help but smile at Zuko’s discomfort with the bubbly, harmless girl. “Thanks Luci,” she said as she pulled Zuko away. “We appreciate the help.”

\---

An hour later, they found themselves seated on a pair of ostrich horses, riding out of the Eastern gates of the city. It was still early morning and the air was chilly. Even with her cloak wrapped around her body, Katara wished she had her sealskin parka.

She also wished, not for the first time, that they had Appa with them. His swiftness through the skies had been key in their ability to escape nasty encounters with the Fire Nation over the course of their travels, and they would have made it across the ocean to the Earth Kingdom much faster than the ship had managed to carry them. She’d also become an expert at clambering up the bison’s thick, warm fur and had grown to love the sensation of flying, nestled safely in the saddle. 

The ostrich horse was completely different. Instead of fur, the creature had long feathers - hers in a rusty orange color, Zuko’s in a soft grey - and instead of Appa’s soft muzzle and large, dark eyes, it had a beak that Katara was sure could snap her fingers off and beady eyes that shifted uneasily from side to side. 

It had taken her several attempts to mount the creature, and she had succeeded only when she grappled with the saddle and pulled herself up with a very undignified groan and wild flinging of her leg over the bird’s back. Her face had been so hot from embarrassment she knew she was probably bright red, and even though Zuko looked away into the distance when she glanced at him, she was sure he had been watching and laughing at her.

Still, they had finally managed to set off on the next part of their journey, and Katara’s embarrassment faded as she adjusted to the strange gait of the creature she was riding. Luckily it didn’t seem to need much guidance, as it appeared to like Zuko’s ostrich horse and stuck close to it as they trotted off down the road.

Perhaps  _ close  _ was an understatement, though, since several times the creature got so close to Zuko’s bird that Katara’s leg brushed against Zuko’s. This contact, unexpected and strangely...  _ intimate _ , sent a shiver through her spine every time it happened, and she mumbled an apology and avoided looking at Zuko until her heart stopped its irregular fluttering.

After the third time this happened, she yanked the reins on her ostrich horse until she was a safe distance from Zuko, glancing at him sidelong as she flushed.

“Sorry.” She mumbled.

Zuko was watching her, gold eyes bright but his expression unreadable. “It’s fine.” 

They hadn’t spoken much since they’d left the inn, both of them considering the information they’d been given by Jun and Tsering. Now, a few hours into the road, Katara was beginning to find the silence uncomfortable.

“So, do you think Gyatse is really dangerous or do you think that’s a front put up to discourage visitors?”

Zuko shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think either one of them is possible.”

Katara nodded. “What do you think Tsering meant when he said we could get faster transportation from there?”

“Probably an eel hound.” Zuko glanced at her. “You remember Master Piandao has one?”

She did. The strange green creature had been responsible for taking Sokka, Suki, and Toph across the ocean to the Fire Nation on the day of Sozin’s Comet, though she didn’t remember seeing it after that. 

“They’re pretty rare and usually very expensive.” Zuko explained. “But that’s the fastest creature I can think of, other than maybe a Shirshu, but those are nearly impossible to find. I have no idea how Jun managed to get ahold of one.”

Katara laughed. “Knowing her, she probably either stole it or got it as a reward for capturing somebody.”

The smile Zuko sent her way sent her heart fluttering just as much as brushing her leg against his had, and she swallowed and looked away before he could see her cheeks turn pink. 

“Probably.” He agreed, chuckling for a moment before his expression turned somber. “But Katara… regardless of what’s in Gyatse… if they can’t offer us a faster method of transportation, we’ll have to turn back.”

She looked at him then, her heart almost breaking as she met his gaze, seeing the hurt in his eyes. She knew why, of course. He didn’t want to be away from his responsibilities too long, even if it meant sacrificing the chance to find his mother. 

He was no longer the boy she’d first met in the South Pole all those months ago, angry and cruel in his desperate search for the Avatar. He wasn’t the boy who had taunted her with her mother’s lost necklace or used it and Jun to track her down to find Aang. He wasn’t the lost and confused boy from the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, either, because she knew that  _ this  _ Zuko would never betray her. 

No. This was the boy who had jumped in front of lightning for her, willing to sacrifice his life for hers. And now he was willing to sacrifice finding his mother for the good of his nation. 

And she was going to do everything in her power to make sure they were able to find her because if their positions were reversed and they were searching for  _ her  _ mother, she knew Zuko would never give up.

But at that thought, images of Yon Rha’s lifeless eyes and blood-soaked clothes flashed before her and she looked down at her hands holding the reins of her ostrich horse, trying not to think about that. 

Would her mother have been proud of her decision to kill him? Perhaps, if the circumstances had been different. If Katara had been able to fight back when he had first threatened her mother, and she had killed him then. Or if he had been armed and dangerous, threatening someone else, prepared to kill again, Kya would have been proud of her. But Katara knew she would never have wanted her to seek revenge.

And she knew that was why his death bothered her so much. It wasn’t because Aang hadn’t wanted her to kill him. It wasn’t because Sokka had tried to dissuade her from her path. It was because her mother wouldn’t have wanted to see her turn into the person she had become.

“Are you okay?” 

Zuko’s soft, raspy voice brought her attention back to the present and she looked up. Zuko was blurry, his ostrich horse was blurry, and Katara raised a hand to her cheek and realized it was wet. 

“Um.” She choked out, quickly wiping her eyes as she cleared the lump in her throat. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Do you want to stop for a while?”

She shook her head, focusing her attention straight ahead. “No. Let’s keep going.”

He was quiet for a moment before asking, almost hesitantly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She blinked, looked down, then glanced at him. 

She did want to talk about it. She wanted to tell him everything that she was feeling, ask him if he thought she was a bad person. She wanted to tell him so that he could make her feel safe and make her not feel so guilty about her decision. 

He had never judged her for her choice - at least not outwardly. He had been the one who had helped her find him, helped her sort through her feelings of anger and hate which had led to her separating her feelings about him from the Fire Nation she had despised so much for so long. Perhaps he could help her now, too.

But would it be fair on him? He had his own issues. His own struggles. He didn’t need to be burdened with her guilty conscience as well. 

She couldn’t speak - the lump in her throat had reformed, thicker than before - but she shook her head, swallowing thickly as she fought the arrival of more tears.

“Okay.” He murmured, but she felt his eyes still boring into her. “If you ever want to… I’m here.”

She turned to look at him. As their eyes met, she felt a jolt go through her at the soft expression on his face. Despite everything, she allowed a small smile to touch her lips. 

“Thanks.”

\---

They rode clear through the day, not even stopping for lunch. Instead, they ate some of the dried meat and fruit that A had put in their packs for them while they continued on the road. Their conversation had been limited, and Katara figured it was because Zuko didn’t want to intrude on her private thoughts. She wished he would have, though, to distract her from the horrible memories that hadn’t stopped running through her mind since they’d first set off from Dauoling.

Not long before sunset, they had reached the turnoff from the main road that led towards Gyatse. Katara’s heart had hammered in her chest as they turned their mounts down the disused road that led to the mysterious town Tsering had directed them to. 

An hour later, Zuko pulled his ostrich horse to a stop, turning his head to look at Katara as she pulled on her own reins and her mount came to a shaky halt.

“We should stop here.” He said, pointing just off the road.

Katara looked where he was pointing and saw a small copse of trees, huddled close together amongst the rocks of the foothills. A small stream, bubbling and clear, was just barely visible through the branches.

“Okay.”

The sun was on their backs, their shadows long and dark in front of them, and the world around them was rapidly turning orange as the sun began to sink below the horizon. The eastern sky was already a murky purple and blue, the first stars just beginning to wink into existence above them.

Zuko swung gracefully off his ostrich horse and began leading it on foot towards the copse of trees. Katara watched, suddenly realizing that she had no idea how to get  _ off  _ her ostrich horse. She had been so concerned about getting  _ on  _ that she hadn’t considered she would have to get off at some point.

“You coming?” Zuko asked, turning back to look at her with his eyebrow raised.

“Um.” Katara flushed. “I don’t know how to get off this thing.”

Zuko chuckled, quickly tying his mount to a tree before walking back over to her. “Just do the opposite of what you did to get on it.” 

Katara raised an eyebrow at him. “You want me to flail wildly until I manage to fall off?”

He grinned, taking hold of the reins by the bird’s mouth. “No. Come on, let go of the reins - I’m holding him.” 

Katara let go, but clung to the saddle, afraid she was going to fall off for real. 

“Okay, now put all your weight into your left stirrup.”

Shooting him a curious look, she leaned cautiously to the left, clinging tightly to the pommel of the saddle so she wouldn’t fall.

“Perfect. Now take your right foot out of the stirrup. Now, swing your right leg over and lean over the saddle as you take your left foot out of its stirrup.”

Katara took a deep breath and followed his instructions, but then she just hung there, leaning over the saddle. She felt like a sack of potatoes, thrown over the creature’s back.

“Good. Now, let go.”

“Let go?!” She squeaked.

“Yes. It isn’t far to the ground, I promise.”

She squeezed her eyes shut as she released her hold on the saddle. She felt herself slide off the side of the feathered creature and then she was falling through the air and she was sure she was going to hurt herself because Zuko was underestimating how high she had been off the ground, but then her feet suddenly hit the ground and she stumbled, unprepared for the impact.

Warm arms caught her, wrapping around her back and side to keep her from crashing to the ground on her backside.

She opened her eyes and caught her breath as she met Zuko’s warm, golden gaze. His face was inches from hers as he held her up, his eyes bright with amusement. She flushed, and as he straightened up, bringing her up with him, she realized that her heart was hammering in her chest, her stomach twisting itself into knots. The amusement faded from his eyes, replaced with something else. Something Katara couldn’t figure out. 

“Thanks,” she murmured.

“No problem,” he rasped back.

His arms were still wrapped around her, the heat of his body soaking into her with his closeness. Her eyes searched his face, taking in every detail. Details she had memorized long ago, back on Ember Island, and during their walks in the gardens at the Fire Nation Royal Palace, like the sharp jawline and high cheekbones. Details that she hadn’t noticed, too, because they were so subtle she had to be this close to notice them, like the tiny white scar at the corner of his eyebrow. The breeze rustled his hair, long and loose around his face, and suddenly she had the urge to reach up and touch his cheek - his scar. 

She hadn’t touched it since that day under Ba Sing Se, when they’d first connected with each other, and although he had never really mentioned it, she somehow knew that she was the only one he’d ever let touch it. And that thought sent a warm feeling through her. Pride? Satisfaction? She wasn’t really sure. 

Her ostrich horse let out a loud snort just as her hand twitched to move and suddenly Zuko dropped his hands from around her, looking down as he grabbed the bird’s reins once more. 

He cleared his throat. “We should, uh, set up camp.”

“Right,” Katara said, shivering in the sudden cold. She pulled her cloak tighter around herself as she tried not to think about what had just happened. 

But nothing had happened, had it? He’d caught her from falling and that was it. He was just doing what Aang or Sokka would have done if they had been there.

_ No,  _ she thought.  _ Sokka would have let me fall on my ass.  _

As for Aang… well, that wasn’t a good comparison since he had been in love with her.

She shivered again as she followed Zuko towards the trees. Silence stretched between them as they set up their tent. Zuko gathered branches to start a fire while Katara used her waterbending to provide the ostrich horses with some water from the stream. 

Then they settled down by the fire and ate bowls of slightly mushy rice, and even as Katara stared into the orange flames, listening to the crackle of the burning branches, she felt Zuko’s gaze heavy on her shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not updating sooner! I have started my last year of university as well as a new job so I've been pretty busy and then I've also been writing those one-shots as a way to get my creative juices flowing for this story again.  
> SO! Here it is! Finally.  
> How about that ending, huh? ;)
> 
> What do you think they'll find in Gyatse?


	14. XIV

He was staring, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. Something had bubbled up inside him when he’d caught her from falling earlier; it was like an electric shock had pulsed through his body. It had been Azula’s lightning all over again except instead of making him feel like he was dying, it had made him feel more alive than ever.

The firelight flickered in her blue eyes and he felt his heart constrict in his chest as he was once again struck by how  _ beautiful  _ she was. She had dark bags beneath her eyes and her hair was windswept as it cascaded around her shoulders and she still looked thinner than she should, but she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

He had caught her and held her in his arms and stared down at her and all he had been able to think about was how good she felt in his arms and how badly he wanted to reach out and touch her face, her cheek, her lips. How badly he had wanted to kiss her.

It scared him. 

He dropped his gaze from her face, studying his bowl of rice instead. He knew he should feel hungry, but his stomach was twisting itself into knots as he tried unsuccessfully to push away the thoughts of Katara. Of touching her. Of feeling her body just barely touching his. If that ostrich horse hadn’t interrupted them...

“I’m going to get some sleep.”

Her voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up, meeting her steady blue gaze. She seemed unaffected by what had happened earlier and part of him wondered if maybe he had imagined the flush on her cheeks when he’d caught her, or the vulnerable expression on her face when they had just stared at each other for a moment.

“I’ll put out the fire and join you in a few minutes.” 

She nodded, setting her bowl aside before standing and making her way inside the tent. 

Zuko watched her go, then sighed, looking up at the night sky. It was a clear night and the stars twinkled brightly against their inky purple-black backdrop. The water spirit constellation shone merrily above his head and his thoughts turned to his mother.

This journey had been a fool’s errand. Perhaps it had even been a ruse to get him out of the Fire Nation for an extended period of time. He had been prepared to turn right around and head back home upon hearing Jun’s lackluster information, but then Tsering had given them the airbender pendant, and suddenly his mission had changed from finding his mother - which at this point he knew was about as likely as Katara falling in love with him - to finding out if other airbenders existed. 

He knew Katara still believed they could find Ursa, that she wasn’t willing to give up, and he knew it was because he had helped her find Yon Rha and get closure for her mother’s murder. He knew that for her, this detour to Gyatse was just that. A detour. But she was exhausted, and so was he, and he couldn’t put his nation at risk with a lengthy absence just for a personal mission.

Still, he longed for his mother’s embrace, for her warm voice and words of comfort. Perhaps she would know what to do about Katara. Mothers always knew what to do.

He sighed and swallowed the last of his rice before taking the two bowls down to the stream and rinsing them in the cool water. Away from the fire, the night seemed to take on a life of its own. Animal noises reached his ears, carried on the breeze. Tree branches rustled, a few leaves just beginning to fall in the early autumn chill. 

He returned to the fire and set the bowls inside one of the packs set against a nearby tree. He double-checked that the ostrich horses were secured properly, then snuffed out the flames with a quick wrist movement and stepped into the tent.

The tiny flame he held in his palm provided just enough light for him to avoid stepping on Katara as he slid into his own sleeping roll. The light flickered in his hand, pulsing along with his heart, as he lay there for a moment, looking at the sleeping girl who lay beside him, close but yet so far away. Her back was to him, her hair splayed out over her arms as she slept. Her chest rose and fell in a steady, peaceful rhythm. 

He sighed and clenched his fist, extinguishing the flame and throwing the tent into complete darkness. They had been lucky the night before; neither of them had woken early from the nightmares that plagued them. It had been a welcome relief after the long weeks in the Fire Nation and on the ship that carried them across the ocean, but Zuko had a feeling that it wouldn’t last. 

He wondered what Katara’s nightmares were about right before he drifted off to sleep and his own twisted dream world.

\---

He woke with a choked yell, sitting up straight on his bed roll and panting hard. Sweat dripped down his forehead and clung to his clothes. He felt too hot and clammy and constricted, like Azula’s lightning was once again coursing through his veins. His chest hurt, the starburst scar seemingly too tight and hot, every breath a painful shudder.

The last image of his nightmare lingered in his memory: Katara’s blue eyes were wide with fear and shock as they locked on his. Her body convulsed as he held her in his arms and pleaded with her not to die, not to leave him, as he tried not to look at her burned and broken body. Her lips had stammered as if she were trying to speak, but no words left her mouth. Tears escaped her eyes as she stared up at him, as her breaths turned more ragged, as she finally took a final, shuddering breath and then lay still in his arms. Azula’s shadow had fallen over them as her laughter rang in his ears. 

And then he had woken up.

It was just a dream, he knew, but it had been so different from his other nightmares that it had shaken him even more than usual. It had felt so  _ real,  _ Katara, lying there in his arms, taking her last breath… he had  _ felt  _ the life leave her, felt her body in his hands, felt her heart slow and stutter and finally stop. His dreams had always involved her dying, but not like that. Never like that. He had always just been unable to save her, unable to reach her, and he watched from a distance. But this...

He closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing as he tried to steady his racing heart. His sister was far away, locked up somewhere in the Fire Nation, and Katara was alive. She had gotten hurt, but she was alive and she wasn’t dead in his arms and she was there with him in the tent.

His eyes flew open and he turned, lighting a small flame in his palm. Panic rose, hot and thick in his throat as what he saw confirmed his sudden, horrible thought. The abandoned bed roll, the cloak that was still rolled up into a makeshift pillow, and the absence of a slumbering waterbender beside him.

He fumbled his way out of the tent, hastily pulling on his boots as he cast his gaze around wildly, searching for any sign of her. It was still dark, the sky a dull, deep grey instead of inky blue now, and he guessed it was sometime in the small hours of the morning. 

“Katara?” He called out, trying to swallow back the fear he felt. It was irrational, he knew, but the dream had felt so real and he needed to know she was okay, to see her for himself, feel her heart beat and her blood flow through her veins. 

One of the ostrich horses shifted and let out a slightly disgruntled noise, as if upset that Zuko had woken it from its nap, but there was no familiar voice calling back to him through the darkness.

He pushed his way through the trees towards the stream, figuring she was a waterbender and she liked being around water and if she’d had a nightmare, perhaps she’d made her way there.

His breath caught in his throat and he pulled up short at the sight of the figure on the shore of the stream. She was sitting down with her back to him, her arms wrapped around her knees pulled tight to her chest, her chin resting on top of them. Her long hair blew gently in the breeze even as she shivered.

Exhaling a sigh of relief as he realized she was safe, that she was okay, he made his way over to her and sat down beside her. She didn’t look at him, but he didn’t need to see her face to know that she had been crying. His heart constricted in his chest again and he wished he had the ability to take away whatever nightmare or thought had driven her to sit beside the stream in the middle of the night.

Instead, he just sat there, staring out at the water, in silent solidarity. He didn’t want to pressure her to talk if she didn’t want to, but he wanted her to know he was there if she needed him. Just like those nights on the ship, when he would wrap his arms around her and keep her warm as they watched the sunrise. 

“Zuko?”

She spoke so quietly that he barely heard his name, but his heart nearly broke at the emotion that resonated in her voice.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning his head to look at her.

She was still staring straight ahead, but there were fresh tears on her cheeks, glinting silver in the moonlight. 

“Have you ever killed anyone?”

The question hit him like one of Toph’s boulders to the gut and he knew with sudden clarity that Yon Rha must be the one haunting her dreams. 

He swallowed and looked back out at the water. “Not that I know of.” 

He saw her nod out of the corner of his eye. Her gaze was directed down at the water, at the reflection of the moon that constantly rippled and shifted as the stream moved ever onwards towards the ocean.

Her next words came more hesitantly. “Do you… do you think I should have let Yon Rha live? Or was I right to kill him?”

He looked at her again, saw the conflicting emotions fighting for control of her. She had been battling this alone for so long, and he silently hated himself for not seeing it sooner, for not helping. 

But how could he possibly help her with this? If he told her she had been right to kill him, that could make her feel better or worse, depending on what she wanted to hear. And if he told her that she should have spared him, she would only feel worse for having killed him, and perhaps feel like he secretly despised her decision. Besides, he wasn’t sure what the right answer was. 

“I think that you made your decision and no one can blame you for it.” He said, slowly, as if testing each word before speaking it.

_ “I  _ blame me.” She said.

“Why?”

She looked at him finally, and the pain reflected in her azure eyes sent a shudder down his spine as his heart stuttered in his chest. This girl - no, she wasn’t a girl anymore; she had been through too much, had to fight too long, and had had her childhood ripped away from her. She was a woman, strong and powerful and beautiful. 

And broken.

“Because,” she began, her voice coming out as a choked whisper, “I don’t think my mother would be proud of me.”

Oh.

“Katara…” He said softly, feeling every nerve in his body pulse in reflection of her pain. “I never met your mother, but if she was anything like you, she would be so,  _ so _ proud of you.”

“But why? I killed-”

“You think that killing that man defines who you are?” He interrupted, searching her face desperately for signs that she was understanding, that she believed him. “Because it doesn’t. You have done so much more. You  _ are _ so much more.”

“But I-”

“You mastered waterbending in a matter of weeks at the age of what, fifteen?” He continued, ignoring Katara’s protest. “You then proceeded to teach  _ the Avatar  _ waterbending. You doubtless kept him and Sokka alive and clean and fed. You offered to help me when Uncle Iroh got hurt, even though I was your enemy. You…”

He paused, swallowing thickly as he thought back to Ba Sing Se, to the blue vial that she had held up before him.

_ “This is water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole. It has special properties, so I’ve been saving it for something important…” _

She had touched his scar, then, and he had let her. He had closed his eyes and let her touch the most vulnerable part of him, and her soft fingers had shattered his defenses and, he realized now, had captured his heart.

“You offered to heal my scar.” He finally managed to continue. “You have no idea what that did to me then. What it means to me still. You helped end the war, Katara. You are more than your decision to end Yon Rha’s life. You’ve saved countless lives, both directly and indirectly.”

He moved without thinking then, reaching out and placing his hand on her cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb as he held her gaze, his heart pounding in his chest. “You saved me.”

She swallowed, but she didn’t back away from his touch, and he continued to run his thumb gently across her cheekbone. Her skin was soft - so soft and cool and so  _ her  _ that he suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

“I- I had to.” She stammered. “You… you jumped in front of lightning for me.”

He shook his head, a sad smile flickering on his lips. She didn’t know. She had no idea just how deeply she had affected him.

“Not just my life, Katara.” He murmured. “You saved  _ me.”  _

She furrowed her brows as confusion flickered across her features, but before she could speak, Zuko continued, ignoring the irrational, stupid desire he felt to just wrap his arms around her and draw her close to him and never let her go.

“I think any one of those things better define who you are than your decision to kill your mother’s murderer.”

“I… I took a man’s  _ life, _ Zuko.” She whispered, dropping her gaze. “How could I possibly justify that?”

“We all do things we regret.”

“Not everyone kills someone.”

He brushed a lock of hair away from her face and brought his hand back down to rest on her cheek. “No. But what’s important is moving forward from it and learning from our mistakes.”

“But it wasn’t a mistake, Zuko.” Her voice was barely audible and she swallowed before continuing. “I had a choice. I chose to kill him. I… I  _ wanted  _ to.”

She turned away from him then, casting her gaze back out to the water and breaking his contact with her cheek. “And then with Azula… I was just so desperate to get to you that I didn’t care if I killed her or not. And I know I didn’t, but...”

He returned his hand to his lap and just watched her, unsure what to say, but she continued speaking before he had much of a chance to think of a response anyway.

“What if I’m turning into him, Zuko?” She asked, her voice shaking as she raised her eyes to meet his once again. “What if I become the kind of person who just… kills whoever gets in their way?”

“Do you  _ want  _ to be that kind of person?” He asked, holding her gaze steadily. 

“No. Of course not.”

“Then you won’t be. You aren’t.” He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently. 

She sniffed and wiped her cheeks with her free hand. “How can you say that so easily?”

He let out a huff of air, halfway between a laugh and a head-shake. “Because a few months ago I had to decide what sort of person  _ I  _ wanted to be, and I’ve had to accept my past decisions and move on from them and work towards being better. You already know who you want to be. You just need to accept that this happened, that it’s a part of you, and move on and focus on being the person you actually are.”

She was silent for a long time, staring out at the water and slowly steadying her breathing, her fingers intertwined with his, and he just sat beside her and watched the water run by them, gurgling over rocks and pushing past branches that had gotten stuck in the stream. The sky began to lighten into the pale grey twilight of predawn as the tinge of yellow first appeared on the horizon and he suddenly realized how cold it was.

Katara hadn’t complained about the chill, but she had shifted slightly closer to him as they sat, and he took several breaths and increased his temperature, hoping to warm her, at least a little bit.

“Zuko?” She asked, finally.

“Yeah?” 

“I can’t sleep at night because I dream about you dying.”

Her words felt like a punch to the throat and he swallowed with difficulty as he turned to look at her. She wasn’t looking at him, but his stomach still twisted uncomfortably as he opened his mouth to respond, to admit to something he had been afraid to tell her.

“I dream about you dying too.” He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. What a rollercoaster this chapter was to write. I hope it makes sense because I'm honestly half asleep right now and this scene was so difficult to write as I'm sure you can imagine. 
> 
> Man. 
> 
> Thank you always for your support <3 I love you all and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter!


	15. XV

By the time the two of them had returned to their camp, packed up, and had set off on their ostrich horses down the road, the sun had fully risen in the sky. Katara had to squint her eyes to see against the bright autumn rays, even raising a hand to shield her vision a few times, and somehow the sun’s presence just made her feel more exhausted than before, her body heavy and sluggish, her mind slow to process the conversation from earlier. 

She glanced at Zuko beside her. He was watching the road before them, his eyes narrowed against the sunlight, his mouth set in the frown he often wore when he was thinking. She wondered what he was thinking about, wondered if perhaps he viewed her differently after what she’d told him that morning.

Something had definitely shifted between them, though Katara couldn’t put her finger on exactly what. It had been a relief to finally talk to him about Yon Rha. Zuko was the only one who could possibly understand what had happened, what she had been through. His assertion that she wasn’t a bad person had given her the strength she needed to finally confess the real reason she couldn’t sleep. Afterall, she’d had nightmares about Yon Rha ever since she’d killed him, and they’d only rarely kept her from a good night’s sleep.

But every time she woke up after watching Zuko convulse with Azula’s lightning, crash to the ground, die right before her eyes, she had to place her hand softly on his chest and make sure he was still breathing, that he was still there with her. 

It scared her, how much she was afraid of losing him. The fear she felt every morning when her nightmares were fresh in her mind paralleled the fear she’d felt the day her mother had been killed. Even when Aang had been shot down, she hadn’t felt the same. She had been afraid, yes, but more horrified that the Avatar was dead and the war was over than she had been afraid of living without him. 

And then there was that confusing thing she felt whenever she met his gaze, whenever they were physically close. That desire to reach out and touch his scar, touch  _ him. _ Her heart raced whenever she thought about it, and she knew it wasn’t just the fear of losing him that drove those thoughts.

But she also wasn’t prepared to think about what else might be causing her to feel that way, so she locked those thoughts away with all the other things she thought about but would never tell anyone.

She dropped her gaze to the rust-colored feathers of her ostrich horse’s neck, raising one hand to touch the cool stone of her mother’s necklace. Not for the first time, she wished her mother was there to give her advice.

\---

“We should stop for lunch.” 

The hours of silence that had begun as they had packed up their camp that morning was shattered by Zuko’s voice. Katara looked up, grateful for the interruption from the monotonous plodding along the narrow road. He was looking at her, his golden eyes brighter than she expected given how little sleep he got, his dark hair falling into his face in that way that always tugged at her heart.

“I don’t know about you,” he continued, a slight smile twitching at his lips. “But I’m sore from riding all day yesterday, and I’m sure the ostrich horses could use a break too.”

Katara nodded and peered along the side of the road for a good place to stop. They had entered a thin forest not long ago, but the stream they had camped beside still ran parallel to the road; she could feel its tug on her Chi despite it being out of sight within the trees. 

“How about there?” She asked, pointing just ahead and to the right of the road where a small clearing was just visible. 

Zuko responded by pulling on the reins of his ostrich horse, guiding it off the road towards the clearing. Katara followed, glad that her ostrich horse was seemingly willing to follow Zuko’s wherever it went since it meant she didn’t need to steer very often.

She watched as Zuko halted and swung himself down from the saddle of his mount, graceful but for the groan he let escape his lips as he felt the full effects of the stiffness in his muscles, and she frowned, wavering in her own saddle. If she hadn’t been able to get out of the saddle yesterday, she was sure it would be even more of a struggle this time, when her legs were stiff and sore and her body heavy from exhaustion.

“Um…” She began hesitantly. “Can you… help me get down?”

“Oh, yeah.” Zuko straightened up from his stretching and approached her ostrich horse, taking its reins gently so she could let go. “So remember, just get your leg over and lean all your weight over the middle, and then just let go.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “I don’t know if I can even move my legs.” 

But she tried anyway, wincing as her muscles protested the movement, and managed to slowly bring it over so she was leaning over the creature’s back, all her weight on her stomach, ready to drop to the ground. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and, reminding herself that the fall wasn’t as far as she thought, let go.

The warm hand on her back steadied her, but she didn’t stumble and fall like she had the night before, and before she could do anything except open her eyes, the hand retreated from her back.

“That was a lot better.” Zuko remarked, his bright eyes watching her with an expression she couldn’t quite place.

She flushed, remembering the rather  _ intimate  _ position they had ended up in the night before when he had caught her. Her heart fluttered and she looked away from his golden eyes, taking the reins of her ostrich horse from him and patting its neck. Those were the kinds of thoughts she locked away, and she dutifully refocused herself once more.

“I’ll take them to get some water if you want to start lunch?”

“Sure.”

Zuko’s silvery ostrich horse was standing exactly where Zuko had left it in the middle of the clearing, though it had dipped its head to nibble on the grass. It raised its head and watched her balefully as she approached and took hold of its reins, but didn’t protest further. Katara’s ostrich horse snuggled right up close to it, almost squeezing Katara in between the two creatures in its eagerness to be close to its friend, and Katara rolled her eyes.

“They’re like love-struck teenagers.” She commented, laughing a little as she watched Zuko pull the packs off the creatures’ backs.

His golden eyes met hers for a moment and she felt heat rise to her cheeks, though why such an innocent comment would make her feel embarrassed, she didn’t know.

“We should name them Sokka and Suki.” Zuko said wryly.

She snorted and turned her attention back to the beasts she was holding. “So the rusty one is Sokka then, since he’s the most outwardly affectionate.”

Zuko made a face. “I didn’t mean to literally name them that. That would be weird.”

She laughed. “Fine, we’ll go back to them not having names.”

Zuko began rummaging through the packs. “Works for me.”

Katara had only taken two steps towards the hidden stream when a loud rumbling split the air and the ground reverberated around her feet, sending vibrations through her entire body. The ostrich horses squawked and rolled their eyes in fear, stamping their feet in agitation. Then the earth suddenly cracked and split, a fissure running through the middle of the previously perfect clearing. 

The birds reared their heads and let out high noises of panic, pulling their reins free of Katara’s fingers as they turned tail and fled. Katara’s heart dropped like a stone and she wheeled round, her hands already uncorking the waterskin at her hip, eyes scanning the immediate area for the sign of the threat.

She saw Zuko, his dao swords flashing through the air, bright in the sunlight, as he countered the attacks sent towards him by a hooded earthbender. Stones connected with the swords and were smashed into dust, but despite the skill Zuko displayed, Katara noticed he was on the defensive, not willing to use his firebending and give them away and unable to get the advantage with just his swords.

She was about to race towards him to help when she noticed two more figures, faces concealed behind dark cloth over their noses and mouths, advancing towards her, their stances low and solid. They were probably earthbenders as well, she realized, and her heart pounded in her chest as she focused her attention on them.

Her suspicions were confirmed when one of them bent low into a bending form and a large boulder came flying towards her through the air. She ducked to the side and rolled, her entire body protesting despite the adrenaline pumping through her veins, but even as she recovered, the other earthbender sent another attack her way. Exhaustion made her too slow and the rock spur that rose out of the ground caught her squarely on her right side, sending her reeling backwards. 

Agony shot through her whole body as she stumbled from the blow and fell backwards, gasping for air as she stared up at the sky. For a moment her vision was blurred as the treetops and sky seemed to swirl and dance above her, as tears leaked from her eyes at the white hot pain that traveled from her side all through her body. And then the swirls settled, and she wasn’t in the clearing anymore, but back in the palace courtyard, and she could hear Azula’s vicious laughter echoing in her head, could smell her flesh and clothes burning, could feel her body being destroyed by the blue flames that raged all around her.

And then-

“Katara!”

The voice seemed so distant. Distant and desperate, but strong and alive. And something wasn’t quite right, because he hadn’t been able to yell for her like that because he had been too busy dying on the cobblestones so far away from her.

“Katara! Get up!”

She closed her eyes, brows furrowed. There was definitely something wrong about this, something that didn’t make sense. He had never said those words, he hadn’t even seen her get hit.

She opened her eyes, and her frown deepened. There were trees. Trees and leaves, gold and red and green, and blue sky above her. The air was sharp and crisp and not smokey and heavy and burning like it had been. And the ground… her fingers moved ever-so-slightly in exploration and she realized that she wasn’t lying on cobblestones but grass and the pain in her side faded as everything came flooding back.

With a snarl, she shifted her weight, pushing herself up into a sitting position before balancing on her hands and swinging her legs out around her in a circle - a move she had only ever seen performed once before. As her legs moved, she pulled the water from around her, from the grass and the dirt and the air, and sent it spinning out towards the two advancing earthbenders. She felt the thrill of her Chi running through her veins and she came to a stop, planting herself firmly on the ground as she transitioned to a more traditional waterbending form. 

She could see the hesitation in their eyes as she steadied herself. They had managed to block the majority of her first attack by creating a barrier of stone between themselves and her, but they looked uneasy, as if they hadn’t expected much resistance, if any.

Her heart was still racing in her chest, but now she had the advantage, back on her feet with them on edge and the stream not far behind her. She focused her energy, shifted her weight, and pulled as much water from the stream as she could. It roared past her as she shifted once more, this time towards the men, and the water obeyed her and crashed into them with terrifying force, sending them flying backwards until they smacked against trees and crumpled to the ground, unconscious.

She twisted around then, her eyes alighting once more upon Zuko and his adversary. The man had been steadily pushing Zuko back towards the crack in the earth, forcing him into a corner, and Katara frowned, pulling more water around herself as she rushed forward, sending out two tendrils of water that wrapped around the man’s ankle and wrist and lifted him off his feet before she sent him flying backwards against a tree. She closed her eyes and exhaled, and the water encasing the man, holding him to the tree, turned to ice.

“Who are you?” Zuko panted, sheathing his swords and coming up beside Katara as they both glared at the man. “What do you want from us?”

The man stopped his struggling, realizing that he was well and truly trapped, and fixed both of them with a look of barely concealed fear now that he was at their mercy.

“Look, if I tell you, will you let me go?” He pleaded, glancing between the two of them. “I’ll tell you everything, but you have to let me go! Please!”

Katara frowned. “You aren’t really in a position to negotiate here.” 

The man swallowed. “Please, I just want to go home. I’m not a criminal!”

“You attacked us!” Zuko growled. 

“Please,” the man begged. “I swear. I didn’t want to attack you! I just needed money!” 

“So someone paid you to attack us?” Zuko frowned. “Who?”

The man shook his head. “I dunno who! He didn’t exactly tell me his name. I swear! I don’t know.”

“What  _ did  _ he tell you?” Zuko asked, narrowing his eyes. 

The man shook his head. “Just that you two were traveling down this road and that I was to ambush you and kill you no matter what, and that I’d get a lot of money if I did. And my wife’s pregnant, see, so we need the money, but I’m not a criminal!”

“Did he tell you why he wanted us dead?” Katara asked, crossing her arms.

“No!” The man shook his head again. “Well… I do remember one thing he said, but I didn’t pay much mind to it after he mentioned the money.”

“And what was that?” Katara prompted.

Whatever the man might have said, they would never know because just as he opened his mouth to speak, an arrow embedded itself in his skull.

Katara wheeled round, sliding into her defensive stance just as the second arrow buried itself in her chest.

She had expected pain, but all she felt was numbness as she stumbled backwards, her legs sluggish. She couldn’t feel them, was barely aware that she was moving. She didn’t hear Zuko’s cry of terror, just watched as the bright orange flame shot from his fist towards the branches of a tree on the other side of the clearing. She didn’t hear the scream of the archer as he fell, smoldering, to the ground, didn’t hear the sickening thud as he hit the ground, his body twisted awkwardly. She didn’t hear Zuko calling her name, didn’t feel his hands grabbing her shoulders. She could see his face, but it was… weird. It was too close, and yet too far away, and it was blurry one moment and razor sharp the next, and his lips were moving but he wasn’t saying anything. 

She wasn’t aware of falling, only knew that suddenly she wasn’t upright anymore. There was sound now, something rushing in her ears - not Zuko’s voice, or the sounds of the forest, but the beat of her heart, rapid and shallow, the rush of the blood through her body. Then came a rasping sound, and she realized that it was the sound of her breathing, of her lungs desperately trying to fill up with air. 

There was blue. It was right above her and all around her, bright and flawless and endlessly blue. She wanted to reach out for it, to grab it in her hands, hold it close to her, but her arms felt heavy. Her whole body felt heavy, like she was floating on water and had been floating for so long the water had become part of her, and so she contented herself with just  _ looking  _ at the blue. 

She felt safe, looking at the blue. Safe and warm, like she was home. Like she was walking into her family’s tent in the South Pole and the fire was burning hot and bright and her mother was smiling at her and her eyes were so  _ blue  _ and she was  _ there _ and she was  _ alive  _ and Katara moved to fling her arms around her but she heard a scream, so animalistic, so terrified, so  _ wounded,  _ that she stopped, and with a rush, her mother was gone, and the fire was gone, and the blue was gone, and she was looking up at something that was a mix of black and gold and red and the scream that she was hearing was  _ her own. _

“I’m so sorry, Katara. I know it hurts. I  _ have  _ to do this. I’m so sorry.”

There was the voice, distant and disrupted by her cries and sobs of pain as  _ something  _ seared her chest; it felt like white hot barbs were being ripped from right above her heart, sending ripples through her body as she struggled against the pain.

“Stay still, Katara, please.” The voice begged, and warm arms held her down, and she didn’t remember closing her eyes but she opened them again and saw the golden fire of his eyes, saw the dark smudge of his scar.

“Zuko…” She murmured, and her lips felt thick and dry and her throat tight.

“I’m here, Katara. You’re going to be okay.” He paused for a moment, and she was just staring up at those bright golden eyes that she loved so much, and he was staring down at her.

And then he was moving again, and she let out another cry of pain as whatever he was doing to her chest sent spasms of agony through her body and she couldn’t help but flail around, trying to make it stop, to make the pain go away. Hot liquid oozed across her chest, trickling down her shoulder to soak into the ground. She could smell the metallic tang, could almost taste it on her tongue.

“I’m sorry!” He said, and Katara thought that maybe his voice was choked up with tears but she couldn’t see his face because she’d shut her eyes again.

There was too much blood, she could feel her clothes grow wet and heavy, and when she opened her eyes, she could see the panic on Zuko’s face, watched as he removed his cloak and pressed it against her, watched as his eyes met hers once more, full of emotions Katara couldn’t quite name.

She didn’t feel the pain anymore. The numbness had returned, and with it, the heaviness. Her vision was blurry and she could hear her heart beating in her chest, struggling to win the fight against the bloodloss and the shock that she knew was overcoming her body.

She opened her mouth, spoke words she couldn’t hear, and felt herself fall away into the black numbness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first off. I'm sorry. I know. I'm horrible. This is horrible. This chapter is the most angsty, terrible chapter ever. Poor Katara simply CANNOT catch a break in this chapter.
> 
> Secondly. This story IS tagged Angst. So. You were warned.
> 
> Thirdly, I apologize for the month (three weeks?) it took me to update. I've been struggling with motivation in all aspects of my life right now and writing was not spared. I hope this makes up for it (or maybe it doesn't because it's so cruel to leave you hanging on this while I try to stay motivated to write the next chapter).
> 
> FOURTHLY - I bet you're all dying to know what Katara said at the end, right?!?!!
> 
> Let me know what you think (honestly!) because I thrive off of validation and your comments give me life! I literally get so excited to see the little numbers next to my inbox! <3 thank you all for your patience and support


	16. XVI

He stared at her as the words escaped her lips, as her eyelids fluttered closed once more, as her body finally went limp beneath his hands.

“Katara!” He choked out, reaching out and cupping her cheek in his hand, smearing blood across her dark skin. “Katara! Stay awake! Stay with me!” 

His heart was pounding in his chest, his body shaking with adrenaline and fear. The dream from the night before had seemed real, but this…  _ this  _ was real. And it was worse than the dream because he couldn’t wake up and find Katara sitting by the stream under the moonlight, and his hands were soaked in blood -  _ her  _ blood - and he wasn’t good at this - he couldn’t heal, he couldn’t fix this. 

She didn’t respond to his touch or his words, and for a brief moment of blinding, terrified horror, he thought that perhaps she was dead, that she had just died in his arms just like he had been afraid of. But no. She was breathing still, shallow and rapid, but still breathing. And her heart was still beating in her chest. 

She was alive, and the rush of blood that had come from the wound in her chest seemed to have ebbed. 

Zuko looked around, his eyes lingering for a moment on the barbed arrow that he had had to cut out of Katara’s chest. Drops of liquid hung from the barbed tips, and his stomach dropped even lower as he realized that the green-brown liquid wasn’t just blood.

Poison.

Dread filled him as he returned his gaze to Katara’s sleeping face. She looked peaceful now that she was unconscious, unable to feel the pain of her wound or whatever effects the poison was having on her body. But if he didn’t know how to heal her injury before, he certainly didn’t know how to cure an unknown poison.

“It should have been me,” he managed to choke out around the tightness in his throat. “You would know what to do.”

He looked over to where the archer’s body lay crumpled on the ground, clothes charred and still smoking slightly. And suddenly he stood and rushed over to the dead man, scrabbling at his clothes, at the small pouch on his belt, trying not to look at the sheath full of barbed, poisoned arrows that was crushed beneath his body. Even in his panic, something felt familiar about the archer’s clothes, the bow that had fallen to the side, the dark red marking across both eyes, and Zuko felt his stomach twist with more dread as he realized why.

The man was a Yuyan archer, one of the elite. The Fire Nation’s secret weapon.

But he couldn’t afford to think about the implications of that right now, and he resumed his search. Inside the pouch he found three containers of liquid: one a sickening green, one purple, and one clear. The green he assumed was the poison, but the other two had him stumped. What were they? Other poisons? The antidote? 

He stood and, in his desperate frustration, lashed out at the dead man with his foot, letting out a yell as he did so. He had no medical training, no healing abilities like Katara. How the hell was he supposed to figure out which liquid would counteract the poison coursing through her body?

He brought the purple and the clear containers with him over to Katara, setting them down and checking quickly to make sure she was still breathing, still alive. His cloak was still pressed against her shoulder and he pulled it away gently, watching for any signs that she was still bleeding. A small sense of relief washed over him as the cloak came away and there was no rush of blood - just a gentle ooze that trickled down her shoulder and neck into the ground. 

He replaced the cloak, wanting to prevent as much blood loss as possible until he could figure out bandages. And the poison. 

Cautiously, he lifted the lid off the purple container. A strong, slightly flowery scent wafted to his nose and he shut the lid again, trying to figure out if the smell was good or bad, if it was antidote or just more poison. The container of clear liquid had no smell, even when Zuko lifted it to his nose and sniffed. He frowned, glancing between the two mysterious liquids and Katara’s face.

Hopelessness flooded him and he sat back on his haunches, covering his face with his blood-stained hands, forcing himself to breathe, trying to calm himself before his body started shaking uncontrollably. 

Katara was dying. She was dying right beside him and he had no idea how to fix her, how to save her. 

A sob escaped him and he covered his mouth as his eyes, blurry with unshed tears, locked on her face. Her beautiful, dark face. Her lips were slightly parted, her hair splayed out haphazardly in dark curls around her face; some of it was matted to her neck, wet with blood.

Spirits, he loved her. And her last words… but no. He couldn’t hold her to that. She was delirious with pain and poison and she was dying and if he didn’t figure out how to save her, she’d never get a chance to say anything ever again.

It was as if something finally clicked in his brain and he straightened up, grabbing the container of clear liquid once again. Of course, how could he have been so stupid? It was just water! Odorless, colorless, it was just plain water! 

He removed his cloak from her wound once more and poured some of the water out, rinsing away the excess blood and gently wiping away the exterior of the jagged puncture until he could properly see where the arrow had struck: just above and to the left of her heart. He felt his own heart stammer in his chest. If she hadn’t been moving into her bending position as she turned, she would have been dead. 

Yuyan archers never missed their mark. Not until today, at least.

He took a shaky breath and opened up the container with the purple liquid. He still wasn’t sure if it was an antidote or if it was just a different kind of poison. He wasn’t sure if you were meant to drink it or if it should be applied directly to the wound, but at this point, if he did nothing then Katara would die, so even if it  _ was  _ just more poison, it couldn’t make things worse.

With another breath, he gently poured some of the scented liquid over the puncture wound. His heart thudded loudly in his chest as he watched and waited. He thought maybe he could hear a slight sizzling sound as Katara stirred slightly, her lips moving ever-so-slightly, but no coherent words escaped her mouth. 

Then, nothing. 

Zuko sighed, pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, and exhaled slowly and deeply. There was nothing else he could do now except bandage up the wound and move her to a safer location. Here, in the clearing with the two dead men and the scent of blood heavy in the air, they were too exposed to attacks from animals and humans alike.

He stood up, swaying slightly, and stumbled over to the packs that were still lying on the ground where he’d abandoned them upon the appearance of the three earthbender assailants. There was nothing in there that would make suitable bandages except for their Fire Nation clothes, and he didn’t want to rip those up unless he had to, but he slung the packs on his back and looked around.

His eyes fell on the Yuyan archer again. Some of his clothes had been burned away, but a large part was still intact and would be suitable for bandages. Feeling slightly sick, he tore strips off the dead man’s clothes and took them over to where Katara still lay, her chest rising and falling gently.

When her shoulder was bandaged as best as he could manage, he shoved the container of the purple liquid into one of the packs and bent down, sliding his arms carefully underneath Katara’s body and legs before lifting her into his arms.

It felt oddly intimate, cradling her in his arms as he carefully began to make his way parallel to the road through the trees, and even as he tried to remain focused and aware of his surroundings, his mind automatically drifted back to the words that Katara had spoken right before falling unconscious. Agni, how his heart had nearly stopped when he’d heard what she’d said. But now… now all he wanted was for her to wake up, and spirits be damned if he’d heard wrong or she hadn’t meant it. All he wanted was for her to survive.

\---

By the time Zuko stopped for the night, his entire body ached with exhaustion. He had already been sore from riding, but now his shoulders and arms ached too. He’d had to stop several times to stretch and rest his muscles, but he knew he had put several miles between them and the clearing where they had been attacked. 

Katara hadn’t woken. She had remained asleep the entire time, and Zuko had tried not to think about what would happen if she never woke up. He refused to consider that a possibility. 

Now, as he sank down beside her, his back against a tree, he let out a long, shaky breath. All he wanted to do was sleep. His body ached and he was mentally and emotionally drained from the events of the day. To think that less than a day ago, he and Katara had been sitting by the stream discussing Yon Rha and their nightmares. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Despite his exhaustion, though, he knew he couldn’t sleep. Their tent and bedrolls had still been tied to the ostrich horses’ saddles, and he had seen no sign of the creatures since they had spooked and run off during the attack. Without them, he would need to keep a fire burning throughout the night to keep Katara warm. And he wasn’t convinced that there wouldn’t be another attack at some point.

He allowed himself a few minutes to rest before he checked on Katara again. Her wound had bled a little at the outset, probably made worse by the movement, but it seemed to have stopped, and the bandage had held. He would need to change them before long, but that could wait a little longer. His eyes lingered on her face for a moment and he gently brushed a lock of hair out of her face, allowing his fingers to softly graze her cheek before he stood and began collecting wood for the fire.

The sun was setting when Zuko finally determined he had enough wood to keep the fire burning throughout the night. With the fire lit, he turned his attention to the packs. He had abandoned his cloak in the clearing since it had been soaked in blood, but his nondescript Fire Nation cloak was stuffed deep into his pack, along with Katara’s. He pulled them both out, fastened one around his neck, and wrapped the other around Katara’s body as tightly as he dared. It was no bedroll, but it was better than nothing.

Then he sat against the tree and let out a long sigh, watching as the sun began to sink below the treeline and the sky began to turn from blue to grey.

“When I was little,” he said suddenly, glancing down at Katara’s sleeping face beside him, “my mother used to tell me stories.” 

He looked back up at the setting sun, remembering one his favorite stories. His mother had been tucking him into bed, and the memory of her soft voice came back to him.

“One of them was about the sun and the moon,” he continued, then paused, remembering the words. “When the world first began, the Sun was a vain and selfish god who ruled over the sky. There was no night time, only day, and the Sun was cruel to the creatures who lived below. 

“One day, there appeared in the sky the silver Moon. She was quiet and dim, her light overshadowed by the brightness of the Sun, and she merely watched the world below as the Sun heated the land with his unyielding rays. The Sun noticed her and immediately saw how beautiful she was. And he asked her, ‘What is your name?’ and she said, ‘I am the Moon.’ And the Sun asked her why he had never seen her before, and she replied, ‘I live in the darkness, but there is no darkness in this world you rule over. There is no night for me to shine in.’ And the Sun, though selfish, had fallen in love with the Moon, and so he gave her the gift of the night.

“For many weeks, the Sun only saw glimpses of the beautiful Moon as he retreated from the sky and allowed her to reign over the hours of the night. When, at last, the Moon appeared in the sky beside him during the day, he said, ‘Moon, how are you liking your night?’ and the Moon sighed. ‘I love it,’ she said, ‘but I am so lonely by myself in the sky.’ And the Sun, wanting to give the Moon everything she desired, gave her the gift of the stars.

“The next time the Sun and Moon met, the Sun said, ‘Moon, how do you like your stars?’ and the Moon said, ‘I love them, Sun. They shine bright beside me and remind me of you.’ And the Sun, emboldened by her words, said, ‘I am in love with you, Moon.’ And the Moon replied, ‘You only love me because you know we can never be.’ The Sun began to dim himself as he headed for the horizon as he said, ‘If we can never be, then I wish for you to be happy. I will gladly die each night if it means you get to glow.’ And he left.

“The Moon thought about his words and the gifts the Sun had given her, and upon their next meeting, she said, ‘Sun, I am in love with you too, and I will share the sky with you as often as I can.’ And so the Sun and the Moon reigned over the sky together, and their first kiss was an eclipse so powerful and beautiful that the whole world could see their love. To this day, you can still see their perfect harmony with each other as day blends into night and night into day. And whenever you see an eclipse, you know that the Sun and the Moon are spending their fleeting moment together before having to part once more.”

Zuko let his voice trail off, watching the flames before him flicker and crackle as the fire burned along the branches he had collected. The sun had fully disappeared now and the sky was an inky blue, dotted with swirls of grey clouds and the occasional twinkle of a star.

He was suddenly overcome with a great sense of nostalgia, a yearning for the childhood innocence that he had lost so early. Not as early as Katara had, but early enough. Back then, the story had just been about the sun and the moon falling in love. It was made up, of course. No one could really know what the sun and moon spirits thought about each other. But now, retelling the story with all the experiences he had had since he last thought about it, he knew it meant more. It was about peace, and balance, and-

“That’s one of my favorite stories.”

He jumped, eyes widening as he turned his gaze towards Katara, his heart sputtering in his chest as he saw her blue eyes, open and watching him. She was struggling to sit up using just her right arm, her face screwed up in a grimace of pain.

“Katara!” He exclaimed, leaning over quickly and helping her into a sitting position, her back against the tree right beside him. “You’re awake!”

Without thinking, he threw his arms around her, pulling her towards his chest as he buried his fingers in the cloak on her back. He barely registered the squeak of pain that escaped her because his whole body was shaking, and she had wrapped her right arm around him and was squeezing him back as hard as she could, and she was alive and she was  _ awake  _ and he hadn’t killed her with that weird purple liquid.

“I’m awake,” she murmured into his chest, and he could feel the vibrations of her words travel through his skin. “And I owe you my life. Again.”

He shook his head, and he realized that his cheeks were wet with tears. His throat felt tight but he forced himself to speak anyway. “You owe me nothing, Katara.”

Realizing just how long he had been pressing her against him, he quickly wiped his cheeks and pulled away, letting Katara settle back against the tree. His golden eyes searched her face; she was still pale, the dark bags under her eyes more pronounced than ever, but she was alive and she was watching him with her beautiful blue eyes.

_ She was alive. _

“How… how are you feeling?” 

She grimaced. “Like I got shot with an arrow, I guess. Spirits, I didn’t realize arrows hurt this badly. It felt like you were ripping my chest open.”

Zuko’s stomach flipped in his abdomen as he remembered the damage that he’d had to cause in order to get the arrow out of her body. “It… the arrow was barbed. I had to cut most of it out.” He swallowed. “And it was poisoned, but I found the antidote…”

“Oh.” Katara said, and looked down for a moment. 

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his gaze to his hands, fiddling awkwardly with them in his lap for a moment before he felt the gentle touch of her fingers on his cheek - on his  _ scar  _ \- and his heart nearly stopped as he looked up and met her gaze.

She had touched him like this once before, back in Ba Sing Se, and her touch had been just as soft then as it was now, just barely grazing the ragged skin surrounding his left eye, her thumb resting against the corner of his mouth. It had been thrilling then, the first hands to touch his scar since he had been banished, but now he could barely breathe as he stared into her eyes - the blue depths that rivaled the oceans in their complexity and hidden storms - and his heart was thundering so loudly in his chest he was  _ sure  _ she could hear it.

“Don’t apologize, Zuko.” She whispered. “You saved my life. I would be dead if it weren’t for you.”

He blinked and swallowed, and slowly he brought his hand up, covering her hand with his own as he briefly leaned into the touch before pulling her hand away from his face. He kept her fingers wrapped in his own as he stared down at them, an overwhelming sense of guilt overcoming him.

“You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me.” He managed.

“I  _ chose _ to come with you, Zuko.” She murmured, twisting her fingers so she could squeeze his hand. 

“I shouldn’t have let you,” he shook his head, raising his gaze to meet hers once more. 

A small smile crept onto Katara’s face. “As if you could’ve stopped me.”

Despite himself, despite everything, he couldn’t help but return the smile. She was right, of course. There was no way he could have stopped her from coming with him once her mind was made up. But the smile quickly faded as he rubbed his thumb along her hand.

“I don’t want to lose you, Katara.”

“You didn’t.” She said firmly. “You won’t. I’m still here.”

_ Spirits, her eyes. _

Zuko felt himself staring at her, into the oceans of her eyes, and he felt the overwhelming desire to wrap her in his arms and kiss her and protect her from ever getting hurt again. 

“Katara,” he managed, but his throat was dry and he could barely get the word out. He swallowed and licked his lips before continuing. “Um… do you… right before you passed out, do you remember anything?”

She stilled and for a moment she just stared at him, eyes wide, and he thought maybe she remembered, but then she frowned and dropped her gaze. 

“No… just that it hurt a lot and I was bleeding.”

It felt like one of Toph’s boulders had just slammed into his abdomen again and he closed his eyes, swallowing. He had known not to expect anything, and yet it still felt like his heart was being ripped apart.

“Why?”

Her question pulled him back to reality and he opened his eyes. She was watching him again and he felt another sharp pang that he hid behind a shrug.

“No reason. I just wondered how much you remembered about it all.”

“Oh.” She said. “Okay then.”

She shivered suddenly and he turned his attention to the fire. It had died out a little bit and he tossed more wood into the flames, sending a brief burst of flames towards it to help fuel it up again. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop thinking about the words she had said right before passing out. Words that she had said  _ to him.  _ Words that he would never be able to forget as long as he lived. Words he ached to hear again. 

Three words that meant more coming from Katara than they ever had from Mai.

_ I love you.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst part 2 anyone?
> 
> We just can't have our two faves be happy and lovey dovey just yet, can we? Not when it's only Chapter 16! But I will admit, it hurt to write that last part. Ho boy. And we found out what she said to Zuko when she thought she was dying! (Did anybody guess it?)
> 
> The sun and moon story was inspired by the quote "Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe" which has inspired many poems and stories and fics over the years. 
> 
> I hope this quick update helps make up for the last chapter and the long wait you all had for that one! As always, I love seeing your comments and thoughts! <3 thank you all for your support and patience, the comments I got saying it was okay to take my time really made me feel loved and supported so thank you everyone!


	17. XVII

The silence that followed their conversation weighed heavily on her shoulders and she turned her attention towards her waterskin, uncorking it with one hand before pulling the water from it and holding it to her wound. After a brief moment of more intense pain, the water began to glow bright blue and the pain was replaced with a mixture of relief and the uncomfortable sensation of muscle and nerves being stitched back together.

Even as she healed herself, she found herself stealing glances at Zuko out of the corner of her eye. He was sitting, forearms resting on his knees, picking at a small stick he held in his hands, and staring resolutely at the flames.

Had he heard what she had said before she passed out? She didn’t even know if the words she’d tried to say had been comprehensible or audible. But she had been scared. She had wanted him to know. If she was going to die, she had wanted him to know. Those thoughts that she tried to keep locked away, that she wouldn’t let herself think about, had all surfaced then, and they were resurfacing now.

But now the thought of repeating those words made her heart nearly stop and her blood run cold because she wasn’t dying anymore, and it would be so much harder to speak those words now and live with the consequences.

And then her mind drifted back to how she’d touched his scar, how his eyes had burned into hers with his golden fire, how he had covered her hand with his and leaned into her touch, how she could feel his heartbeat in his chest, how scared his voice was when he said he didn’t want to lose her. Perhaps it was worth the risk…

“You should get some sleep.” 

Zuko’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned her head to look at him properly, letting her water return to her waterskin, her energy drained from healing. He looked exhausted, pained, like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. His normally thin face was thinner than usual, his skin paler. 

“So should you.” She murmured, her heart aching.

He shook his head. “I’m going to keep watch.”

“Zuko.” She rested her hand on his arm and was rewarded with a quick glance from his golden eyes. “There’s no point in keeping watch if you’re too exhausted to do anything about what you might see.”

“I at least have to try.”

Katara sighed and closed her eyes, too tired to argue with him anymore. She groaned as she tried to shift into a more comfortable position and felt an arm, warm and strong, slip around her back and a hand rest on her waist as he pulled her closer to him. She let the comfort of his touch seep through her body as she rested her head against his shoulder and soaked in his warmth, feeling her muscles relax as she began to slip away into sleep almost immediately.

The soft kiss pressed to the top of her head was just part of her dream.

\---

She woke slowly, steadily becoming aware of the stiffness in her muscles, the ache in her chest and shoulder, the gentle rising and falling of the warm body breathing beside her. She opened her eyes, blinking the bleariness away, and realized that she was still pressed against Zuko, whose arms were still wrapped around her protectively. The weight on her head was his cheek pressed against her hair; she could feel the gentle exhales of his breath rustling her hair.

This felt so peaceful, so perfect. After everything that had happened, she wanted this moment to last forever. This quiet, beautiful moment when she was wrapped in Zuko’s arms and there was no immediate threat to their existence, no conversations to send doubt rippling through her, no nightmares where she woke up with a scream caught in her throat and the vision of Zuko dying right in front of her imprinted on her eyelids.

She blinked. It was only the second time she could remember waking up nightmare-free since the Agni Kai. The other had been when they had shared a room at Tsering’s inn and she had woken to Zuko’s soft voice telling her that it was sunrise.

It was just past sunrise now; she could see the bright yellow light of the waking sun as it rose above the trees. Not far off in the sky hung the moon, dim in comparison to the sun, but an ethereal beauty all the same, and she found herself remembering Zuko’s story.

_And so the Sun and the Moon reigned over the sky together…_

The story had always held a certain fascination for Katara. In the poles, where summer was an endless season of light and winter was an endless darkness, the idea of night and day was almost incomprehensible and she had wondered, as a little girl, how it worked. Now she knew the story was more about the harmony and balance that love could bring to the world. 

“Zuko,” she murmured, knowing they needed to get moving if they were going to reach Gyatse anytime soon.

Zuko responded by stirring slightly, squeezing her closer momentarily and mumbling something she couldn’t understand. She felt her cheeks flush, but closed her eyes and drank in the sensation. She could get used to this.

But she shouldn’t. 

“Zuko,” she said again, this time a little louder. “We should get up.”

He lifted his cheek from her head and she shifted so she could look at him. He blinked blearily and lifted a hand to rub his face.

“Katara?” He mumbled. 

“Who else?” Katara raised an eyebrow as she met his steady gaze with her own.

He blinked. “I just… um… nevermind.” He shook his head as if to clear it and looked down, carefully extracting his arm from around her back.

Katara felt colder without the warmth of his body on hers, but she straightened too, wincing slightly as the stretching pulled at her shoulder. She tried to raise her left arm, but it still hurt too much to move more than a few inches, so she pulled out her water once more and held it against her shoulder as she watched Zuko.

He had stood and was busy searching through their packs, pulling out the remaining dried fruit and meat. Katara’s stomach rumbled and she realized how hungry she was, having not eaten in nearly a day and a half. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, dividing the stash into two piles. “Did you sleep okay?”

She nodded. “I’m feeling better. And I slept really well, actually.”

He glanced at her as he held out her portion of the food. “Do you think you’ll be up for walking today?”

She inhaled deeply before nodding. She knew how important it was that they keep moving. Even with the ostrich horses, they hadn’t planned on arriving in Gyatse until tomorrow morning at the earliest, and now they probably had at least two full days of walking ahead of them. 

The food made her feel even better, and she pushed herself up, using the tree to support herself as she stood, watching Zuko reorganize the packs before slinging them both over his shoulders and turning to face her.

She wanted to protest that he shouldn’t carry both the packs, but realized that she wouldn’t be able to carry one anyway with her injury. 

“Ready?” He asked, his eyes scanning her face carefully.

“Let’s go.” She replied, falling into step beside him as they set off towards the road, back on track to get to Gyatse and, eventually, find Zuko’s mother.

\---

They were more cautious now, scanning the area around them as they made their way along the road, but no further attacks came. Even so, their conversation was limited, both of them on edge, and Katara found herself wishing that the moment from that morning had never ended.

They had to stop so she could rest several times, but they made decent progress overall. By the time they stopped for the night though, when the sun was hovering just above the treeline, Katara was utterly drained and her shoulder ached from the constant movement. 

She slumped against a tree as Zuko dropped the packs from his shoulders. He looked almost as tired as she felt, and, not for the first time, Katara longed for the speedy, comfortable travel on Appa’s back. They could have found Ursa by now if they had Appa to fly them across the Earth Kingdom instead of trekking it by foot.

But thinking of Appa just made her think of Aang, and she didn’t want to think about Aang right now. Not when she felt her cheeks grow hot every time she noticed Zuko watching her, every time she stumbled and he reached out to steady her, every time he asked her if she needed to stop and rest. Not when she felt her heart pound in her chest when she thought about that morning.

“So,” Zuko said, arranging a small number of branches and twigs into an acceptable shape for a fire, “I think we should discuss what happens after we reach Gyatse.”

Katara frowned as she watched Zuko send a blast of flame into the sticks and their campfire roared to life, flickering gently as thin tendrils of smoke rose into the air.

“The plan is to accept whatever ‘faster transportation’ Tsering mentioned and continue on to find your mom.” She said, handing him the bag of rice from the packs he had dropped to the ground.

Zuko hesitated. “That… that _was_ the plan. But not anymore. We have to go back to the Fire Nation.” 

He looked up and met her gaze, and she could see the pain reflected in his eyes.

“Or, at least _I_ do.” He continued.

Katara’s frown deepened. “Why? What’s changed?”

“The man who shot you… he was a Yuyan archer.”

Katara blinked at him, confused. “A what?”

“A Yuyan archer,” Zuko repeated. “They’re highly skilled marksmen that are part of the Fire Nation army.” 

A cold chill ran through Katara’s body as she stared at Zuko in sudden understanding. “So that attack was…”

“Likely an assassination attempt made to look random, yes.” 

“Oh.”

“This trip has already taken me away from my duties for too long. I was already considering going back, and with what happened… I have to go back and sort everything out.” He sighed.

“But what about your mom? We’ve come this far.” She reached out and placed a hand on his arm. “Do you really want to give up now?”

The expression on his face sent ripples of pain through her. He looked so lost, too young to be burdened with the responsibility of running a nation, especially a nation that was responsible for a war that had nearly ripped the entire world apart.

“I have to, Katara.” He muttered, taking her hand in his own. “I have a duty to the Fire Nation. To the world.”

“You have a duty to yourself, too.” She whispered. “You can’t help heal the world if you aren’t whole.”

His eyes flashed bright gold and he opened his mouth as if to speak, then shook his head and looked away. “I can’t. Whatever we find in Gyatse, I have to go back home.”

“But if we get faster transportation…”

“We still don’t know _where she is.”_ Zuko swallowed. “She could be anywhere. Fast transportation doesn’t change the fact that we might spend weeks traversing the country looking for her.”

Katara looked down at their intertwined fingers, swallowing with difficulty. She had wanted their mission to succeed, to help reunite Zuko with his mother. She still owed him for helping her get closure for hers, and if they turned back, she probably always would. 

“I’m sorry, Zuko.”

“Don’t be.” He squeezed her hand. “And I know you said you’d stay in the Fire Nation, but after everything, I don’t-”

She looked back up and felt her heart stutter in her chest, felt her breath catch in her throat. The firelight highlighted the sharp outlines of his nose and jaw, made the contrast between his dark scar and his pale skin even sharper, reflected in his eyes; they flickered like bright candles as she stared at them. 

“Of course I’m coming back with you.” She interrupted.

“You’d be in danger.” He added quickly, his thumb running along the knuckles of her hand as he looked down. “You’ve already been hurt twice because of me. You’ve nearly died because of me. I can’t let that happen again.”

“You didn’t let it happen.” She protested. “I made my choices. I chose to fight Azula with you, I chose to be here. Whatever’s happened, it isn’t your fault.”

He raised his eyes to hers once more and she saw the fear and hurt in them, the flickering of some other unnameable emotion. 

“I can’t lose you, Katara.” He choked out.

“You won’t.”

“I can’t let you be a target.” He continued, as if he hadn’t heard her. “I can’t let them use you against me.”

“Zuko, you can’t stop me-”

“I can ban you from the Fire Nation.” He said, his voice sharper now. “Then you would have to go home where you would be safe from-”

“No.” 

He blinked. “What?”

“I said no.” She repeated, swallowing thickly as her heart ached and she felt her eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. “I’m not going to abandon you. I won’t let you face this alone.”

“This isn’t a choice you get to make, Katara!” His voice rose, harsh and loud against the softness of the evening. “If you died, I would never forgive myself! I couldn’t - I wouldn’t survive that.”

The first tears began to fall down her cheeks as she shook her head. “You think that I could handle _you_ dying? You think _I’d_ ever forgive myself if I let you take this on alone and you got hurt or died because I wasn’t there to help you?” She wiped her cheeks violently with her right hand. “Because I wouldn’t! I watch you die every night in my dreams and the only reason I haven’t gone crazy is because I get to wake up and see that you’re still here, you’re still alive! Besides, the world needs you more than it needs me. So no, Zuko. I’m not leaving you.”

She watched as he clenched and unclenched his jaw, his brow furrowed - in anger, in frustration, she couldn’t tell - and his eyes burning brightly into hers. She held his gaze defiantly, her own expression one of frustrated determination. 

She thought he would say something, but instead he just turned away and scooped the cooked rice into their two bowls, shoving one of them into her hands before making his way to the opposite side of the fire and settling down against a tree.

The sudden emptiness where he had been standing, so close to her, made her feel cold, even as the steam from the rice rose into her face. She shivered, fighting back more tears as she turned and sat down against the tree she had slumped against earlier. She felt drained, exhausted, emotionally now as well as physically, and she had to force herself to eat the rice as she stared absently into the fire, acutely aware that Zuko was purposely avoiding even looking at her. 

She thought about that morning, how peaceful it had been, how she wanted to wake up like that forever because she hadn’t had any nightmares and she was warm and safe in Zuko’s arms. She thought about the attack, the numbness and pain that had spread through her body like wildfire, Zuko’s choked and terrified voice ringing in her ears as he worked to remove the arrow from her body. She thought about the words she had spoken in her last conscious moment, how desperately she had wanted him to know how she felt, how much he meant to her.

She couldn’t leave him, couldn’t let him return home to rule over a nation that might be hostile to him without her there to protect him. Especially not when she still owed him, and she owed him so much. 

The end of the war, closure for her mother’s death, her life. He really had no idea how much he had already done for her, for the world, and how important he still was to the successful creation of peace between the nations. 

But her? She was no one important - not anymore. She had fulfilled her role in ending the war and now the world no longer needed her. Her friends would disagree, of course, but on the larger scale, she was nothing. She was the daughter of the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe, but Sokka was older and he would be the one to take on the mantle of chief in due time. 

She set her bowl down and wrapped her cloak as tight as she could around herself, sliding into the most comfortable position she could as she closed her eyes. She was already shivering; the fire was warm but she had never been good at staying warm without her thick parka and fur-lined leggings. 

“Here.”

She opened her eyes as his voice reached her ears, watching him settle down beside her and toss a second cloak over her body. Then his arms, warm and strong and familiar, wrapped around her and pulled her to him, and even though she was angry and hurt, the instant warmth that spread through her from the contact dissuaded her thoughts of refusing his help.

She was stubborn, but she wasn’t willing to freeze to death out of spite.

“I’m not changing my mind.” She said firmly, even as she buried her head in the crook of his shoulder.

“I know.” He murmured.

“So I’m going back to the Fire Nation with you?”

He sighed and rested his cheek against the top of her head. “We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three updates in a week, Neva? Yes. Three updates in a week. Which probably means that it'll be another month before I update again because I'm awful lol - apologies in advance.
> 
> Anyway! I hope this chapter was enjoyable - it wasn't as fun as the last two, but I've got some more interesting chapters planned where our two clueless lovebirds will get to have some actual fun together.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and loving my writing - you inspire and motivate me to keep going <3


	18. XVIII

She was so stubborn. Too stubborn for her own good. Stubborn and, he realized now, scared. Scared of losing him. 

_Him._

He wasn’t sure anyone had ever been genuinely afraid of losing him before, other than his uncle and possibly his mother. But they were his family. They loved him. But Katara? She would probably react the same if he were Sokka or Aang or even Toph. That’s just who she was.

But she wasn’t with Sokka or Aang or Toph. She was with _him,_ and she had said _I love you_ to _him_ , even if she didn’t remember it, and that thought had sent his heart racing in his chest. Those three words still echoed in his head, over and over, sending doubt and hope rippling through him simultaneously. She may not remember saying it, but did that mean it wasn’t true? 

But those thoughts were stupid. She was Katara, beautiful, amazing Katara. And he would never be worthy of her. He had made too many mistakes in his life.

He had wanted - still wanted - so desperately to just wrap his arms around her and tell her that he didn’t want her to leave either, that he wanted her to stay with him forever, that he was in love with her. But it wasn’t his place to do that, to burden her with his emotions when he knew she would always be just out of his reach, so he had just stared at her as the tears streamed down her face, clenching his fists and jaw in an effort to control himself.

Even so, as she snuggled in against his chest as they settled in for the night, as he rested his cheek on her head and breathed in the smell of her hair - it still smelled like water lilies and the ocean even through the blood and the sweat and the dirt - he once again felt that urge to confess everything to her. 

He couldn’t be mad at her, not when what she was fighting for was exactly what he wanted her to do. He didn’t want to let her go; he wouldn’t be able to sleep without being able to wake up and make sure she was still alive. But he also couldn’t let her get hurt, not again, and he didn’t know how to protect her.

_If she hadn’t been moving, if that arrow had hit its mark…_

He closed his eyes against the memory and breathed in the smell of her hair. The arrow _hadn’t_ hit its mark, and that was what was important right now. Katara was still alive, still here, wrapped in his arms. Her soft, gentle breathing slowly lulled him to sleep, unspoken words on his lips.

\---

When he woke, Katara was gone. 

His eyes flew open as he realized that the softness of her body was no longer pressed against his and he scrambled to his feet, rubbing his eyes as he cast his gaze desperately around their little camp for any sign of her.

Nothing. 

The fire had died out in the night and was just a smoldering pile of ash. The cloak that Katara had used as a blanket was discarded in a ball by the tree they had slept against. Their two packs were still sitting by the tree where they’d left them, though Zuko thought that maybe they had been opened.

Panic rose up inside him, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He closed his eyes and focused his energy inwards, forcing himself to slow his breathing, steady his heartbeat. There was no need to panic. She had probably just gone to the bathroom or to gather some food for them since they were running low.

“Good morning.”

Her voice jolted him out of his concentration and his eyes flew open as he spun around to face her. Despite himself, his heart began to pound in his chest as he caught sight of her, but it wasn’t solely caused by the anxious relief he felt that she was okay.

The morning sun was glinting off her freshly washed hair and illuminating her dark skin with a soft golden glow that served to enhance her natural features, now clean and free of the dirt and blood and sweat from the last few days. She looked almost radiant, the cloak wrapped around her shoulders rustling softly in the morning breeze. And her eyes, so beautifully blue and glistening with the hint of gold from the sun, a manifestation of the fire he knew burned within her.

Before he could form a conscious thought, he had rushed over to her and pulled her into a tight embrace, resting his cheek against the top of her head and holding her close, his fingers digging into her cloak. His heart pounded in his chest and he just held her there and breathed in her smell, letting the relief wash over him, relishing their closeness.

“I was worried something had happened to you.” He murmured into her hair, trying to concentrate and slow his rapid breathing. 

“Oh,” she exhaled, wrapping her arms around him and giving him a gentle squeeze. “Zuko, do you really think someone would be able to take me without a fight that would wake you up? I was just washing up.”

Zuko let out a slight chuckle and shook his head, but didn’t release her. “No, I guess not. But after everything. I just. I thought the worst.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” She mumbled, giving him another squeeze. “It won’t happen again. I just wanted to let you sleep.”

He nodded and finally released his hold on her, stepping back so she had room to breathe. He ran his hand through his hair as he glanced back to their haphazard camp, trying to steady the irregular beating of his heart. He felt uncomfortably warm, which was something difficult to achieve as a firebender.

“Um. Do you want breakfast?”

Unless he was mistaken, Katara looked flushed too, though he couldn’t blame her for being flustered after such a sudden and intense embrace. Still, his stomach flipped at the idea of it being something more.

“I want to get as close to Gyatse as we can today.” She exhaled, running her hands through the hair that fell in front of her shoulders to smooth down the messy curls.

“Okay.” He sighed.

She moved over to the packs, stuffed the extra cloak inside one of them, and slung one over her shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay to carry that?” Zuko asked, concern rippling through him. It hadn’t been very long since he had been cutting away a poisoned arrow from her chest.

“I feel a lot better.” Katara admitted. “And I healed myself again. Besides, you can’t be expected to carry both our stuff all day again.”

Zuko rubbed the bridge of his nose. As much as he wanted to protest, he knew that Katara had already made up her mind. And besides, his back _was_ sore from the events of the past few days.

She was watching him and for a long moment he just stared back at her before he tore his eyes away from her, from the captivating blue of her eyes, the flash of the blue necklace at her throat, and bent to pick up his pack from beside the tree. He cleared his throat, settled the pack comfortably on his back, and fell in step beside her as they set out once more along the road heading East.

He couldn’t quite remember when blue had become his favorite color.

\---

The city seemed to appear out of nowhere. One moment, he and Katara were deep in the forest watching trees and bushes go by as they plodded monotonously along, and the next moment they were walking through the open city gates.

Zuko frowned and halted, looking around at the shops and merchant carts lining the main road through the city. The architecture of the buildings reminded him of the typical Earth Kingdom style, but there was also something strange about it. Something that didn’t quite fit.

“This can’t be Gyatse, can it?” He asked. “It’s only just after midday.”

Katara frowned too as she cast her gaze around. “I’m not sure… Tsering didn’t mention any towns in between Dauoling and Gyatse. Maybe we just traveled faster than we thought?”

“Maybe.”

Zuko shifted uncomfortably where he stood, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling as the uneasy sensation of being watched rose up inside him. He narrowed his eyes, scanning the crowd and the area around them, but it was impossible to figure out who, if anyone, was watching them. They continually got curious glances from passersby; visitors were probably rare in the city, and he and Katara were obviously not locals.

He was tired and on edge, still afraid that the failed assassination attempt would be followed by another. After two days of constant hiking and with Katara still recovering from the poisoned arrow, a professional attack now could easily prove deadly. And in the middle of a crowded street, chaos would ensue. It was the perfect situation for-

“Excuse me.”

Katara’s voice brought Zuko’s attention back to her and jolted, turning to watch her as she waved brightly at a young woman carrying a basket.

The woman stopped and turned to face Katara, eyeing her up and down suspiciously and clinging tightly to her basket.

“Sorry to bother you,” Katara said. “But my partner and I have been traveling a long way and neither of us is any good at reading a map.” She gestured towards Zuko and laughed. 

His stomach flipped at the sound of her laughter. He hadn’t heard it since… spirits, how long had it been? Since before they started their journey, maybe. He wasn’t sure.

The young woman’s eyes flicked towards him and Zuko flashed what he hoped was a winning smile and raised his hand in greeting. The woman quickly returned her attention to Katara.

“We were wondering if this is the city of Gyatse.” Katara explained. 

“Aye, it is.” The woman nodded.

An odd mixture of confused relief and anxiety flooded through him. They had made it to Gyatse, but now what? Find their faster transportation and use it to return to the Fire Nation to face the threat of more assassination attempts and more political strife? Put Katara at even more risk than she already was?

“Great!” Katara beamed at the young woman, who relaxed a bit at Katara’s cheerfulness. “We’re looking for someone named Norbu. Do you know where we might find them?”

The woman smiled timidly and nodded, pointing. “Norbu is the High Elder. She lives on the South side of the city, in the temple. But she doesn’t see just anyone.”

“Thank you for your help.” Katara bowed to the woman in the Earth Kingdom style before returning to Zuko’s side.

He barely registered her movement, lost in thought as he absently watched the young woman turn and continue on her way. It wasn’t uncommon for the Earth Kingdom cities and towns to be governed by elders, but they didn’t typically live in temples. In fact, from what he could remember, temples were rare within the Earth Kingdom. 

The airbender pendant, buried deeply in the pack on his back, suddenly seemed to weigh him down as his mind raced through the possibilities. 

The most logical explanation for everything strange about Gyatse was that a group of Earth Kingdom settlers had found the remains of an Air Temple and had incorporated the language and style into their culture when building their city. This was definitely possible, since the Air Nomads had had various smaller temples beyond the four main ones on the four corners of the world, and Gyatse was settled into the foothills of the Southern Mountains where a temple had been rumored to exist.

But another possibility kept nagging at him, that maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that they had met Tsering and he had given them an airbender pendant, that maybe all these Air Nomad names and styles and cultural references weren’t because the Earth Kingdom citizens had absorbed them, but because the Air Nomads had survived. He had an easier time believing that the Air Nomads had blended into a different culture in order to hide and survive than he did believing a group of earthbenders, stubborn and unyielding as they were, had. 

The idea that his ancestors hadn’t succeeded in wiping out the entire Air Nomad culture just like they hadn’t with the dragons sent chills down his spine. And if it were true, how would the world react to such a revelation?

Zuko jumped when he felt Katara slide her hand into his own, broken out of his thoughts as he glanced down at her. She was watching him, her eyes bright with nervous excitement, as she pulled him down a street and they began to make their way through the city towards the temple on the South end.

“Zuko,” she said, and her voice was so soft and gentle and so _her_ that it made Zuko’s heart ache. “Whatever we find here, whatever happens, wherever we go… promise me you won’t give up on finding your mother.”

Guilt twisted inside him and he looked down and away from her, afraid to look at her for fear that he would break down. She still believed they could find her, that this wasn’t some elaborate plot to distract him from his duties in the Fire Nation and set him up to be murdered anonymously along a barely-used road in the middle of nowhere. 

Except maybe it wasn’t, because maybe there actually were airbenders here, and maybe their journey hadn’t been entirely useless after all. But his doubt about finding his mother had grown with every step they took away from Dauoling and Jun’s scant information.

She squeezed his hand, her fingers cool against his own. “Promise me, Zuko. Even if it’s years from now, even if it seems impossible, promise me that you won’t give up.”

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, steadying his breathing and squeezing her hand in return. Spirits, if she only knew the effect she had on him.

“I promise.” He mumbled before looking up and flashing a tired smile at her. He meant it, if only because she wanted him to. But who knew what their futures held in store? Years from now, they would probably be miles apart from each other and - and this thought left a bitter taste in his mouth - they would probably have families of their own, and responsibilities that prevented them from galavanting across the world again.

They walked the rest of the way to the temple in a silence that was heavy with words unspoken, their hands entwined, shoulders brushing together. And, despite the need for their journey to reach its end, to return to the Fire Nation and face his responsibilities there, Zuko found himself wishing that the walk through the city had taken them just a little bit longer because they seemed to reach the temple steps all too soon.

The door to the temple opened before either of them had a chance to knock. Zuko exchanged a glance with Katara as both of them automatically settled into more defensive stances, but no threat emerged from the doorway, and, hesitantly, they proceeded through the door. 

Three figures sat cross-legged on a small platform at the end of the room. They were dressed in hooded tan robes tied with red sashes. The hoods were pulled up over their heads, concealing their faces, and their hands were tucked into the sleeves of the robes. 

Zuko swallowed, feeling his heart begin to race in his chest. Their attire was unmistakably Air Nomad in style and color.

“Fire Lord Zuko. Master Katara.” 

The middle person spoke, and Zuko was surprised at the soft, feminine voice that echoed across the room from beneath the hood.

“How do you know who we are?” He asked, his entire body tense. He could sense Katara beside him too, ready to slip into action at a moment’s notice.

“As the High Elder, it is my job to protect this city and my people, so I know a great many things relevant to our survival.”

“You’re Norbu?” Katara asked.

“I am.”

“We were told you could help us.” 

Zuko glanced at Katara, then back at Norbu, his heart hammering in his chest. Had Tsering been wrong? 

“Yes. We’ve been expecting you.” Norbu stood, hands still folded in front of her within her sleeves. “We do not often allow outsiders to enter this temple, much less one of Fire Nation descent. But times are changing. The war is over. The Sun Warriors and the dragons gave you their blessing, Fire Lord Zuko. And Master Katara, renowned for training the Avatar himself in waterbending and for defeating Princess Azula during the comet, you have always been welcome here, though you may not have known it.”

Zuko swore he felt Katara tense beside him at the mention of Azula’s name, but she remained outwardly calm and when he looked at her, her face was impassive.

“We are a nation of balance.” Norbu continued, stepping towards them and stopping only when she was a few paces away. “A nation of peace and light. One whose reluctance to become involved in conflict led to our near destruction and the necessity to hide away in plain sight for the past hundred years.”

She raised her hands from her sleeves to push off her hood, and as she did so, the other figures sitting on the platform did the same. Zuko caught the flashes of blue as they moved right before the hoods fell away.

Norbu stood before them, grey eyes regarding them intently, straight black and grey hair falling in a smooth curtain down her back and shaved to the midpoint of the top of her head to reveal the bright blue arrow tattoo across her forehead.

“Welcome, Zuko and Katara, to the city of Gyatse, home of the Air Nomads.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I did say that it'd probably be a month before I updated. Unfortunately, I was correct. I hope you can all forgive me though, and that you enjoyed this chapter. It was a real struggle to write, but now our two lovebirds are right where I wanted them to be so the next chapter will hopefully be easier to write.
> 
> Let me know what you think! As always, I love to read your comments and thoughts <3


	19. XIX

Despite her hope, despite the implication of being given the airbender pendant and sent on this mission, despite walking into the temple and seeing the three figures dressed in robes that strongly resembled the ones Aang wore, she still found herself sucking in a sharp breath of surprise when the three airbenders presented themselves to them. Her heart was racing in her chest, a million thoughts running through her head. 

There were airbenders, alive and well, right in front of her. There were other airbenders in the city. How did they survive? How had they remained in hiding for an entire  _ century  _ of war? What would this mean for the world? What would this mean for Aang?

_ Aang. _

What would he do when he found out that the airbenders hadn’t gone extinct, that his culture had survived in secret for the past hundred years?

“I can see that you both need time to process everything.” 

Norbu’s voice reached her ears as if it had traveled a great distance. Time seemed to have slowed down, and Katara’s own movements seemed sluggish as she struggled to form words in her mind. 

“I understand this must be a shock.” Norbu continued. “Please, we can show you to your rooms for the night and let you settle in.”

Suddenly everything sped up again and Katara blinked. “Have you told Aang?”

Norbu’s grey eyes focused on her, solemn and piercing. “Not yet, no.”

“Why not?” She snapped, feeling anger bubble up to the surface and spread throughout her body. “Don’t you think that he deserves to know that his culture wasn’t eradicated like he thinks?”

“You are one of the few outsiders allowed inside this temple, one of the few to know of our existence, and you treat us with such insolence!” 

One of the other airbenders had approached. He was bald, his eyebrows stark white and his face lined with age. Frown lines weighed heavily on his cheeks, as though it was the only expression he ever made.

“Hush, Choden,” Norbu interrupted, waving her hand dismissively at the other monk. “She has a right to wonder and be angry. If you were in her place, I’m sure you would be angry too.” 

Katara glared at Choden for a moment longer before turning her attention back to Norbu. The elder monk was still regarding her coolly. 

“We have not yet told the Avatar of our existence for fear it would upset the delicate balance he has found within himself and with his traveling companion.”

“He deserves to know!” Katara frowned, clenching her fists by her side. “You have no idea what he’s gone through! He thinks he’s the last airbender in the world!”

“We are aware-”

“No, I don’t think you are!” Katara interrupted. “I was there when he found Gyatso’s body. I was there when Appa was stolen. I’ve been with him ever since I found him in that iceberg and I have seen how losing his entire people has affected him. You  _ have  _ to tell him!”

“Katara.”

Zuko touched her arm gently and she turned to look at him, eyes still blazing with anger and hurt as she thought about how hard she had worked to get Aang to accept what had happened, to continue moving forward despite everything. But as she met Zuko’s steady, sun-colored gaze, she felt the anger begin to fade, felt her breathing slow, her body steadily relax.

“I’m sure they’re planning on telling him.”

Norbu nodded. “It is a delicate situation, and we ask that you do not tell him before we have a chance to explain ourselves to him.” 

Katara swallowed, slipping her fingers into Zuko’s warm hand. He squeezed gently and she felt his warmth spread through her. 

“Fine.” She said. “But perhaps you can help us with something else.”

“You are searching for Zuko’s mother.”

She felt Zuko stiffen beside her. 

“How did you know?” He choked out. 

“Like I said, I know a great many things relevant to our survival.” Norbu smiled. “But more importantly, I can help you in your search.”

“Well,” Zuko said, and Katara could hear the hesitation in his voice. “We actually need to cut our search short and return to the Fire Nation. We were hoping you would have some faster transportation for us to use.”

“I see.” Norbu said, pursing her lips together. “We will make the appropriate arrangements and can have you on your way tomorrow morning.”

Zuko bowed deeply, hands folded together in the traditional Fire Nation style. “Thank you, High Elder Norbu.”

Norbu returned the bow and Katara caught her breath again. The style was something she had only seen Aang use.

“Tinley will show you to your rooms. You are free to explore the city if you would like. We will have dinner brought to your rooms whenever you request it.”

“Thank you again. Your generosity is appreciated.”

As the two of them followed Tinley, a small girl no older than ten who was dressed in the monk robes but bore no tattoos marking her as a master airbender, Katara was once again struck by how much Zuko had changed since they first met. Gone was the angry boy set on destroying the world’s only hope for peace. In his place, a calm, regal leader and diplomat. And somewhere in between was the Zuko she knew and loved.

Her throat tightened at the thought, at the memory of the arrow piercing her chest and her only thoughts being that she had to tell him, that he needed to know.

She glanced at him, but he was focused straight ahead. The desire to confess everything bubbled up inside her again, but she swallowed and forced that impulse away. It wasn’t like he felt the same about her, and she didn’t want to endanger their friendship. 

She’d already basically lost Aang - at least for now. She couldn’t lose Zuko too.

“Here are your rooms!” Tinley announced brightly, pointing to two doors adjacent to each other. 

“Thank you Tinley.” Zuko smiled at the young girl, who beamed back at him with her wide, silvery eyes. 

“Mom says you’re the Fire Lord and the Water Princess. Is that true?”

Katara raised her eyebrow at the odd title. Only Zuko had ever called her that, in a semi-joking manner. It may be technically true, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

But Zuko just nodded. “It is. My name is Zuko, and this is Katara.”

“Mom says you two are destined for something special. But that you don’t know it yet.”

Katara exchanged a glance with Zuko, looking away quickly to focus back on the small girl before them.

“And who exactly is your mom?” She asked.

Tinley’s grin, already huge, somehow managed to grow even wider. “The High Elder!”

“And what exactly has she been saying about us?” 

Tinley’s grin wavered slightly. “I don’t think I’m allowed to talk about it. Bye!”

And with that, she disappeared down the corridor and around a corner before either Zuko or Katara could stop her. They glanced at each other again, and Katara saw her own confusion reflected in his golden eyes. 

“Well,” he said, breaking the slightly awkward silence. “Shall we get cleaned up and go explore this mysterious city?”

Katara nodded. Despite being exhausted, exploring Gyatse and understanding more about the airbenders that had made it their home was a fascinating opportunity and she wasn’t about to pass on it. 

\---

She had avoided the mirrors in the Fire Nation palace, afraid that her reflection would show her exactly what she feared. Now, standing naked before the mirror in the bathroom that connected to her bedroom, she could only stare, horrified, at the image of her body that was reflected back at her. She was thin - too thin, really - but that was something easily fixed by proper rest and food and her hair had regained most of its shine after she had washed it properly in the hot bath. The dark burn scar across her right side, however, was something that no one could fix. It was less prominent now, but still painfully obvious against her skin, and now there was an ugly mark above her heart from where the arrow had struck to accompany it. 

Scars to mark her experience in the war. 

Phantom pain throbbed in her side and she swallowed and turned away. She had neglected to return to the South Pole for fear she would get roped into a political marriage. Now that thought scared her even more; if that  _ were  _ to happen, there would be no love in the marriage. No man would ever want her for her when she looked like this.

The little needling thought that weaseled its way into her mind next was even more unpleasant:  _ Zuko  _ would never want her when she looked like this.

Not that that mattered, of course. It was a completely irrelevant thought considering there was no chance of her and Zuko getting together anyway. Still, it stung more than she expected.

After pulling on the fresh clothes that the airbender monks had been kind enough to provide in her room, she felt better. The high neckline concealed the scar on her chest, and the rest of the soft blue dress clung loosely to her curves. Long sleeves promised to keep her warm in the autumn chill outside, and the sash tied around her waist helped make everything feel secure.

She actually would have felt pretty if she hadn’t just seen the extent of the scars she bore beneath the fabric. 

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts and she pushed her hair back out of her face and made her way over to the door and pulled it open. 

Zuko stood there, dressed in an elegant red tunic and pants, his black hair hanging scruffily around his face, still slightly damp from the bath he must have taken. The light from the windows outlined his sharp cheekbones and strong jaw, and she was suddenly struck by how mature he looked now. The awkward teenager who had shown up at the Western Air Temple with a fumbled apology and offer to train Aang was almost gone.

Her mouth went dry as she met his gaze, her heart suddenly racing in her chest. She’d be lying if she said she had never found Zuko attractive during their time together as a found family - not that she would ever admit it - but as he aged - as  _ they _ aged - it only seemed like he grew into his appearance more.

Zuko moved first, breaking their mutual stare with a quick glance away as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“You, uh… you look amazing, Katara.” He said.

She flushed, the butterflies in her stomach erupting into a flurry of motion as she swallowed and tried to form words. Was she imagining it, or was he blushing too?

“I, um… thanks.” She mumbled, forcing away the vehement denials her brain was seemingly intent on spewing. “You look great too.”

Zuko glanced down at himself as though unsure what he was wearing. “Oh. Thanks.” 

_ La, why was this suddenly so hard? _

“Shall we?” Katara asked, clearing her throat and gesturing past Zuko to the hallway.

“Right. Yes.” Zuko seemed to snap to attention and offered her his arm.

She took his arm, suppressing a shiver as the familiar firebender heat spread through her fingers spread throughout her entire body. But as they began to walk down the hallway to leave the temple, she knew that what she felt wasn’t entirely related to his body temperature.

\---

It was late afternoon when they emerged from the temple and made their way into the city. Their outfits, blue and red, stood out amongst the browns and yellows and greens that the majority of the citizens of Gyatse wore. It made Katara feel nervous to be so conspicuous, and she could tell by Zuko’s tense muscles and increased heartbeat that he felt the same, but no one seemed to give them a second glance. Which, she thought, was odd, considering how suspicious the townsfolk had been of them when they had arrived as inconspicuous travelers dressed in Earth Kingdom clothes.

The general flow of the crowd carried them towards the town square, where merchants had set up stalls and were calling out the goods they had for sale to passersby. A small group of musicians were stationed on a small platform off to the side and the lively music drifted across the babble of the crowd to reach Katara’s ears. 

“It reminds me of one of our Fire Nation festivals,” Zuko said musingly. “Except with less fire.”

Katara raised her eyebrow at him. “Are your festivals usually not very exciting? This is a pretty tame crowd.”

Zuko huffed and attempted a glower, though Katara could see right through it. “I’ll have you know that the Fire Nation takes pride in its ridiculously dangerous and entertaining festivals.”

“You’ll have to show me next time there’s a festival, then.” 

She said it without thinking, without considering the possibility that she very well may not even be in the Fire Nation when the next festival occurred. She had promised Zuko she would help with the education reform in the Fire Nation, but that would come to an end at some point. 

But she didn’t want to think about that. She wanted to enjoy her time with Zuko while they were here, in the secret city of airbenders, with the music playing and the townspeople moving around them like it was just an ordinary day. 

And, abruptly, she realized that she wanted an eternity of ordinary days with him, a thought that simultaneously excited, scared, and disappointed her, knowing she’d never get it.

“It’s a date.”

She blinked, nearly choking on her own spit as the words reached her brain and began to process. A date? A date-date? Or just… a friend date? Her eyes went wide and she couldn’t even think of anything to say in return so she just stared at him, her lips moving slightly but making no sound. 

Zuko had turned beet red and he quickly looked away from her, as though to hide, running a hand through his hair. The familiar gesture tugged on Katara’s heart even as she felt her pulse skyrocket in anticipation of Zuko’s response.

“I mean… I mean, uh, you know.” Zuko mumbled. “Like we’ll go together. It’s planned.”

Her heart sank and she looked down. “Right.” 

A friend date. Which was fine. That’s really what it should be anyway. But that didn’t stop her from looking down and picking at the sash on her dress, afraid that if she looked at Zuko any longer her emotions would be revealed.

“Would you… um… like to dance?” 

The question caught her off-guard and she looked back up. Zuko was watching her carefully, his golden eyes filled with an unreadable emotion. He gestured to the center of the square, not far from the stand where the musicians were playing, where a small group of people had begun to dance to the bright, upbeat tune.

She swallowed and took a deep breath, allowing a smile to spread across her lips. “I didn’t know you danced.” 

Zuko huffed as he led her towards the crowd. “I’m royalty. Of course I dance.”

She laughed, and it felt like the weight from earlier was lifted from her chest. No matter what, no matter her feelings, Zuko would always be her best friend. She wasn’t about to lose that, and it was stupid to think she might. 

“I guess I never really considered that.” She said.

“Well, I don’t exactly advertise it either,” Zuko added, turning to face her as they reached the outskirts of the dancers. 

She raised an eyebrow. “Why ever not, oh great Fire Lord?”

“Because it’s my favorite activity, obviously.” He snorted, letting out a low chuckle. 

“Then how come you willingly asked me to dance?” She smirked.

“Oh, you know me, Katara.” He mumbled, trying his best to sound convincing but somehow failing. “I make bad decisions all the time.”

She decided not to take that as an insult, but still regarded him with a mock icy expression that he diplomatically ignored.

The song that was playing began to fade and the next one, a slower, more melancholy song, began to play in its stead. She was surprised when Zuko reached out without hesitation and placed one hand on her hip and grasped her right hand with his other, intertwining their fingers.

“Is this okay?” He asked, eyes blazing as he held her there.

Katara’s throat felt too tight to be able to breathe, so she merely nodded, placing her free hand on his arm and hoping that there was no way Zuko could hear the thundering of her heart in her chest, or sense that her body temperature had just increased by five degrees. 

She had never danced like this before, but Zuko seemed to be a natural, leading them around as the music swelled and dipped, as the crowd around them disappeared and the only thing Katara saw or cared about was the boy in front of her. 

The first time he spun her, she nearly fell, not expecting the sudden change of pace, but he steadied her, and when she spun back into his arms, she was nearly pressed against his chest and she could see it rising and falling with the exertion of the dance. And his eyes, golden and bright, burned into her with an intensity that she had only seen a few times before.

Times when they had been inadvertently physically close, like they were now. 

They moved effortlessly together, and the next time he spun her out, she flowed gracefully from his arm, out, and then back in, resuming their close positioning as the music slowed. As it did, so did their dance, until they were just swaying back and forth as they spun gently together in a circle, bodies just barely touching. She could feel his fingers digging into her hip, felt the heat from his hand as he gripped her fingers firmly, possessively. 

The music stopped, and neither of them made any move to separate from each other. Katara was captured by his eyes, by the smell of spices and woodsmoke that was so familiar to her by now. So  _ Zuko.  _ And even as Zuko lowered their hands, he didn’t let go, and neither did she. 

They just stood there, both of them breathing heavily, and stared at each other. And Katara didn’t want to look away. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breath catching in her throat. She was drowning in his golden eyes. The desire to just lean upwards and press her lips to hers was roiling in her stomach, growing with every moment even as anxiety swirled in her chest.

She couldn’t kiss him. They were friends. He didn’t have feelings for her. And beyond that, he was the Fire Lord, and she was Water Tribe. It would never-

He lifted his hand off her hip and placed it against her cheek. She felt the heat of his palm burn into her skin, but it wasn’t the terrifying, painful burn like Azula’s. It was brilliant and sent thrills of excitement and desire down her body, electrifying her in the best way.

And then he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers before she could even form a coherent thought, and his lips were warm and soft, but in an instant they were gone, and Zuko was pulling away, a horrified look of realization on his face.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I-”

Before he could say anything else, before she could even think about what had happened or what she was about to do, she grabbed his tunic and pulled him back to her, wrapping her arms around his neck as he followed her wordless command and leaned back down to her. She felt his arms wind tightly around her back and pull her against his body as their lips collided. 

The heat, the taste, the soft firmness of his mouth against hers sent her mind spinning out of control. His inhibitions seemed to have melted away, because now he was demanding, licking experimentally at her lower lip as he deepened the kiss, and she let herself melt into it, opening herself up to him and gently sucking on his lower lip in return. 

Her entire body felt like it was on fire as the entire world ceased to exist except the two of them, and she was acutely aware of his body against hers, of the way his hair tickled her face, of her fingers digging into his dark locks at the back of his head, of his fingers squeezing into her back and sides with a possessiveness that sent sparks flying throughout her body. 

She couldn’t breathe when he finally pulled away, and she could sense his reluctance in the slow retreat. Even so, he didn’t let her go, didn’t loosen his grip on her at all, just rested his forehead on hers as they both struggled to regain control of their lungs and their composure. 

And she was shaking. She was sure that if Zuko wasn’t there to support her, she would have collapsed to the floor. The emotions raging through her like so many tidals waves were like nothing she had ever experienced. Kissing Aang had never felt like this. Even her ridiculous crush and single kiss with Jet hadn’t elicited even a fraction of what she felt right now.

She had just kissed Zuko. 

And he had kissed her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD
> 
> HERE IT IS
> 
> THE MOMENT WE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR
> 
> It only took 19 chapters and approximately 60,000 words for the two idiots to finally fucking kiss each other!!!  
> Obviously this was a fun chapter to write and I hope you are looking forward to where the story will take them next! As always, let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> Not TSoO related, but I am planning on starting a new fanfic here in the next couple of days. TSoO will still take priority (probably) but I want to begin this other fic since it'll still be quite a while before this one is done, and I don't want to lose motivation to write it. So, be on the look out for that soon!
> 
> And, of course, thank you to everyone for your support <3 It's a struggle to stay motivated sometimes when there are so many other amazing writers out there but you guys keep me going every day.


	20. XX

He couldn’t breathe. He dared not move, afraid that moving would cause Katara to come to her senses and retreat from him. Because how could she possibly be there in his arms, her forehead pressed against his, her breath hot against his skin? This was a dream, and he was going to wake up and none of this was real.

How could it be? He had  _ kissed  _ her. And  _ she… she  _ had kissed him back.

_ I love you. _

Her words, spoken just seconds before she had passed out, echoed in his head once again. And, for the first time, he thought that maybe she had really meant them.

However fast his heart was beating, it was too fast to count. He didn’t care. He could die right now and he wouldn’t care because he was holding Katara in his arms and the sensation of her lips against his was burned forever in his mind. He could smell the scent of her hair, could see the beautiful imperfections on her cheeks, could still taste her lips. 

“Katara… I-” 

But she was pulling away, breaking their contact, and he couldn’t force her to stay so he let her slide out of his arms even as his fingers lingered against her dress until she was too far away to touch from where he stood.

A weight seemed to drop over his shoulders as he watched her wrap her arms around herself and look away from him. Guilt welled in his stomach as he watched Katara almost shrink away before him, away from what he’d done.

“Fuck, Katara, I’m sorry, I-”

She shook her head. “No, Zuko. Don’t… don’t apologize.” 

Her blue eyes flicked up to meet his, and he was immediately lost in them, searching for answers, for anything that explained the last few moments. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, I… I’m sorry.”

She shook her head again, more vehemently this time, her dark cheeks flushing darker. “No, I… I wanted you to.”

His heart stopped. At least, that’s what it felt like as he stared at her with wide eyes, struggling to swallow the tightness in his throat. 

“You… you did?”

She nodded, but her eyes betrayed that whatever she was feeling, it wasn’t exactly happiness. “I did. I still do-”

Unconsciously he took a step towards her, and she retreated a step in return.

“-but I can’t.”

He knew what it felt like to have half his face burned off by his own father. He knew what it was like to be electrocuted and burn from the inside-out. But neither of those things compared to how it felt when those words left Katara’s lips. 

Hurt and confusion rippled through him as he stared at her, watched her break her gaze from his and glance around them, and suddenly he became aware of exactly where they were - still in the middle of the town square surrounding by countless people laughing and dancing and purchasing items from the vendors promoting their wares. 

She shivered, and he swallowed, realizing that the air around them had chilled significantly now that the sun had sunk below the horizon. 

“Maybe we should go back to our rooms.”

She nodded, and they both turned and set off down the roads that led back to the temple. The silence that hung between them was heavy with awkwardness and everything that had been left unspoken.

It seemed to take forever to reach the temple steps. Zuko’s legs felt heavy as they climbed up to the grand doors. Every step he took felt like he was further damning himself to his current misery.

Agni, why had he had to go and kiss her? Whatever bond they had, their close friendship… it was all at risk now, and the thought of losing her entirely made him feel sick.

She had said she had wanted him to kiss her. His heart had leapt at that, at the idea that she felt the same as he did. And her words after that had crushed him.

_ Why not?  _

The question echoed in his head, played on his tongue, begging to be asked, desperate for an answer. 

The temple halls echoed with their footsteps as they made their way towards their rooms. Rooms, plural. After so many weeks of sharing a room, of even sharing a bed, or curling up together against a tree, the thought of sleeping alone again scared him.

“I’m sorry Zuko.”

She had stopped and was looking up at him with those wide, bottomless blue eyes, and when he turned to look at her, he realized that there were tears welling in them.

“For what?” He mumbled. “You don’t owe me anything, Katara.”

“Except I do.” She managed. “I owe you everything. My life, my sanity. I… I wouldn’t be here without you.”

He shifted uncomfortably, his whole body stiff. “You don’t owe me your affection.”

“Maybe not, but you’ve earned it anyway.” Her words were choked, as though she were fighting hard to remain in control of her emotions.

_ I love you. _

He could feel his eyes growing hot as tears of his own threatened to break through. Every word she spoke was like a double-edged sword, holding the promise of joy only to shatter it and destroy him the next second. 

“Then I don’t understand,” he rasped. “And I can’t accept it if I don’t understand, Katara. I can’t let you go that easily. Not if you feel the same way.”

She shook her head and he watched as the tears began to trickle down her cheeks, feeling his heart break as he could do nothing to fix this. No. He was just the idiot who had caused her to feel this way.

“Think about it, Zuko. You’re the  _ Fire Lord.  _ And I’m… I’m just me. And I’m not Fire Nation, and I’m not… I can’t.”

He blinked in disbelief. “Seriously Katara?” 

He stepped forward and placed a hand on her cheek. She closed her eyes for a moment but she didn’t pull away like he’d feared. His heart was thundering in his chest as he ran this thumb gently across her cheekbone. 

“Do you honestly think I care that you aren’t from the Fire Nation? And-”

“You’re the Fire Lord.” She interrupted, opening her eyes once more and looking at him. “Is it really up to you?”

He swallowed. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure if he  _ did  _ get to choose his partner. His Fire Lady. His wife. But Agni, all he could think about was having Katara by his side for the rest of his life. He could see it now, her hair loose but for the topknot with the Fire Lady crown secured to it, dressed in blues and reds and silvers and golds, ruling with him and creating a better Fire Nation. A better world.

“You said the Fire Sages were pressuring you to get married.” She continued. 

“I don’t care about the Fire Sages.” He said, his voice harsher than he intended as he thought about that group of old men who tried to dictate his entire life. “All my life I’ve been told what I can and cannot do. I won’t let them take you away from me too.”

“But-”

“Katara, if this isn’t something you want, if you don’t want to be with me or you don’t want to stay in the Fire Nation, or whatever, then I will accept it. I’ll let you go.” He swallowed thickly, his heart doing somersaults in his chest. “But if your only reasons are because of some stupid traditions about who the Fire Lord can be with, then I can’t accept it because I will fight anyone I have to in order to let you stay.”

Her next words were barely audible. “I don’t deserve you.” 

“See,” he shook his head. “I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that for a single second, Katara.  _ I’m  _ the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’ve never deserved you. Not your forgiveness, not your friendship, and certainly not your lo- your affection. And yet, here we are, and you’ve given me all those things, and I can’t- I don’t want to lose you.”

He was acutely aware of the beating of his heart, of the rapid rise and fall of his chest, of the coolness of her skin against his fingers, the soft exhales of her breath as she stared up at him. And when she raised her hand and placed her palm softly against his scarred cheek, his lungs stopped working, and then she raised herself onto her tiptoes and leaned in, brushing her lips to his.

He moved to wrap his arms around her, draw her closer, but she was pulling away before he could move.

“I’m sorry, Zuko,” she choked out, raising a hand to wipe the wetness from her cheeks as she took a shaky breath. “I just… I don’t want to be with you. I c-can’t.”

He just stared at her, his vision growing blurry and hot as the tears that had threatened him earlier became overwhelming. All he could do was swallow against the lump in his throat and nod, stepping back from her as he dropped his gaze to the floor. 

“Okay then.” He exhaled shakily. “Goodnight, Katara.”

“I’m so sorry.” 

He looked up at her and forced a smile, knowing it didn’t even come close to concealing the hurt he felt. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Before she had a chance to say anything else, to drive the sword deeper into his heart, he turned and opened up the door to his bedroom, closing it swiftly behind him before he leaned against it and slid down to the floor, the tears falling freely down his cheeks as the full weight of everything that had just happened sank in.

\---

The moon was mocking him. It had risen in the sky not long after he had locked himself in his room, and the large window in his room happened to have a perfect view of it, letting the silver ball cast its glow into his room, slanting through the window and across his prone body. 

It had been hours since he had bid Katara goodnight and retreated to the emptiness of his bedroom. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of his clothes or kick off his shoes and had spent the majority of the time just lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Despite the moon’s mockery, he didn’t have the energy to sit up and close the curtains to block out its infuriating light.

Agni, how stupid he had been to kiss her, to think that he stood even the slightest chance of being with her. All he’d managed to do was make her upset and potentially ruin the friendship that he cherished so deeply. 

And the memory of the kiss, the intensity, the way they had pressed together, fit together like they were supposed to, the way she had grabbed him and pulled him down to her and…

He sighed and draped an arm over his eyes, hoping to block out the moonlight that was glinting in his eyes. Not only had he royally fucked up, he had also lost any chance of being able to sleep. The threat of the nightmares hung just on the edge of his vision, lying in wait for him to slip and doze off. And he was so exhausted. The emotions of the last few days, the close call with Katara, the kiss…

_ I love you. _

He couldn’t fight it forever, and when he finally slipped off to sleep, it was anything but restful.

\---

His nightmares featured a new level of horror that night. Now, right before he watched helplessly as Katara burned alive in Azula’s blue fire, he heard three words leave her lips:  _ I love you.  _ And then her screams replaced her beautiful voice and he couldn’t do anything except yell her name, reach out towards her, lock eyes with her as she was consumed in blue fire and the ever-familiar lightning bolt caught him in the chest and he was flung backwards, away from her and into the horrible blackness that always promised death.

He woke to the sound of knocking on his door and he sat up, rubbing at his eyes disorientedly. His heart was still pounding from the nightmare, his skin soaked in a layer of cold sweat. 

“Zuko?”

The voice came from beyond the door, familiar and beautiful as always, working to soothe the terrible thoughts running through his head. 

“Zuko? Are you okay?” 

She was still pounding on the door, her voice beginning to sound strained. He groaned as he stood, brushing back the damp hair from his forehead, and stumbled towards the door. Yanking it open, he was suddenly face to face with a puffy-eyed, exhausted Katara who stared at him for a few seconds with her fist still raised to knock before she took a step back and cleared her throat.

“You were yelling.” She explained sheepishly.

“Oh.” Zuko rubbed at his face, feeling less rested now than he had when he went to sleep. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

She shook her head, biting at her lower lip. The small gesture made Zuko’s heart clench as the desire to kiss her again rose up inside him. He clenched his jaw and forced himself to calm his racing heart. 

“I was just worried about you,” she admitted. “You… you were calling out my name.” 

“Oh.” He should feel embarrassed, he knew, but after the night before when he’d done all but say the words  _ I love you,  _ it felt so insignificant. “Sorry.”

“No, I just…” She hesitated before her deep blue eyes met his, that light, that strength that he admired so much shining through. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He shrugged.

“I mean, with your mom, and going back to the Fire Nation today, and… and what happened last night?” Her cheeks flushed a deep pink.

He held her gaze steadily for a moment, watching as she searched his face, her expression one of genuine concern.

“I’m really okay, Katara.” He sighed. “I’ve experienced worse.”

Well, maybe not worse than the bitterness of the heartbreak, but he didn’t want to burden her with that and make her feel guilty for not wanting what he wanted.

Before she could answer, a bright voice interrupted them.

“Oh, good!” Tinley beamed at them as she approached, nearly skipping as she emerged from around the corner of the hallway. “You two are already awake!”

The small girl came to a bouncing halt. “Mom said to come get you so you can eat breakfast and then you can continue on your way.”

“Thanks, Tinley.” Zuko mumbled. “We’ll grab our things.”

“Mom said we’ll load up your belongings.” Tinley laughed. “Come on, she said you two aren’t allowed to refuse breakfast.”

With that, she began off down the hallway in the direction she had come from, her signature bouncy steps leading the way as Zuko and Katara fell into step behind her.

Zuko was sure to keep enough distance that they didn’t accidentally brush shoulders when turning corners.

\---

“Good morning, Fire Lord Zuko and Master Katara.”

Norbu stood as Tinley basically dragged the two of them into the dining hall. She looked exactly the same as she had the day before, her robes immaculate, every hair perfectly slicked into place, and Zuko suddenly felt very disheveled.

“Please, help yourselves to food and we can discuss the logistics of getting you on your way.”

He wasn’t hungry - in fact, he felt a little sick from the lack of sleep and emotional rollercoaster of the last few days - but, out of politeness, he took a small portion of the rice and sweet vegetable stew that was set out on the table for them and sat down on the cushions that were laid out on the floor.

Once both of them had settled down and taken a few bites of food, Norbu sat before them, her back impossibly straight as she regarded them out of her steady grey eyes.

“It is my understanding, based on yesterday, that you would like to return to the Fire Nation immediately, and stop the search for your mother, Princess Ursa?”

A jolt ran through him at the sound of his mother’s name - it was something he hadn’t heard in so long, he’d forgotten that people even knew it.

He nodded, steeling himself to answer despite his desire to find his mother. “Yes, that’s correct.”

“May I inquire as to why the sudden change of plans, after having come so far already?”

He felt both Norbu’s and Katara’s gazes burning into his skin and resisted the urge to shiver at their intensity. “We don’t know where exactly my mother is, and the information we have is only good enough to get us to a general area where she may or may not have passed through. Due to our respective duties and the current state of the world, we can’t spend weeks traveling around searching for her so we have to return home- return to the Fire Nation.” 

Norbu seemed to consider him for a moment before she leaned forward. “Would you still continue on your journey if we could take you directly to your mother?”

He swallowed, his brows furrowing as he considered the implication. “You know where she is?”

Norbu nodded. “We do, and we can take you to her today if you choose.”

He heard Katara’s sharp inhale of breath beside him, felt her blue eyes fix on his face, could still see Norbu in front of him, watching him, but it suddenly felt like he was submerged in syrup, unable to move or breathe or even think.

“Zuko?”

The voice was distorted, muffled, reaching his ears as if from across a great distance.

“Zuko?” The voice repeated. “Are you alright?”

Katara’s hand on his arm, cool and gentle as always, finally snapped him back to the present with a painful pop of his ears and a rush of the world around him as his brain finally caught up to what Norbu had said. He turned to look at Katara, met her bright blue eyes with his blazing gold, feeling that familiar twisting in his stomach and turned to look at the airbender once again.

“Why… why didn’t you tell me yesterday?”

Norbu bowed her head slightly. “You took us by surprise by requesting we take you directly back to the Fire Nation. Our council had to discuss exactly how we wished to proceed.”

Anger flashed through him and he stood, dislodging the bowl he had held in his hands and sending it crashing to the ground beside him. 

“You hid information about my mother from me because you had to  _ discuss  _ it?” He snapped, glaring at the airbender, who had remained seated and was watching him coolly.

“Fire Lord Zuko, I know you are not aware of how our culture functions, but given how knowledge of this sort can affect the state of the world, we deemed it necessary to discuss how we were going to handle your sudden change of heart.” Norbu said, her voice calm.

“No!” He shouted, clenching his fists by his side, his vision suddenly blurring from what he was surprised to find were tears. “My mother is a citizen of the  _ Fire Nation, _ not the Air Nomads, and as such, you had no right to hide her whereabouts from me when you knew my mission was to find her!”

Norbu stood, her full height suddenly seeming imposing despite Zuko’s own height. “Would you have said the same thing if it was Ozai who had come looking for her?”

“I am not my father!” He was shaking now, barely able to keep himself from storming out of the room. 

“Zuko.”

He wheeled on Katara at the sound of her voice, eyes blazing as he thought about everything that had happened between them, the nightmares that permeated his dreams.

“Don’t, Katara. Just don’t. You don’t get to tell me how to feel right now when you can’t even tell the truth about your own feelings.” He swallowed hard, fighting to stay in control, fighting to stop the tears from breaking through. He could already feel that his body temperature had soared at the outburst of emotion he felt. 

“I know what you said the other day.” He saw the flash of first confusion, then realization, then pain, cross her beautiful face and he swallowed again, no longer caring that Norbu was witness to this. “You said you loved me, you kissed me, and then you said you didn’t want to be with me. And I can accept that, I respect that that is your decision, but messing with my emotions because you can’t be honest about your own is something that I can’t accept. I would never do that to someone I loved. I would never do that to you.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath, saw her eyes widen as they glistened with unshed tears, and turned to face Norbu once more, taking a deep, shaking breath as he fought to remain in control of himself.

“I would like you to take us to my mother.” He said, his voice suddenly surprisingly calm, even to his own ears.

Norbu nodded, and, before either she or Katara could say anything else, he turned and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We couldn't have our two lovebirds have a happy ending quite yet, could we? (The answer is no. In case that wasn't clear)
> 
> I was a little nervous about writing Angry Zuko so I'd love to hear your thoughts on this whole development. And also, how do you think Katara is going to react to everything he just said?
> 
> As always, thank you to all who read and support this story. Y'all are the best. <3
> 
> ALSO, if you are interested in reading more of my writing, I started the fanfiction I mentioned last chapter. Sparks (of Summer) is part 1 in a 4-part fic series and there are currently 2 chapters posted! Please check it out if you like good angsty fics!


	21. XXI

She could feel Norbu’s gaze, heavy and judgmental, resting on her as she stared after Zuko, even as the door that slammed shut behind him blocked him from her view. Her eyes were hot and puffy and she barely registered her tears until she raised a hand to her face and realized her cheeks were wet.

The worst part about him yelling, about the way he’d looked at her, his eyes full of hurt and pain that  _ she  _ had caused, was that he was right. She didn’t have any right to try to control his emotions, even if her intentions had simply been to help him calm down. 

And he  _ knew.  _ He  _ knew  _ what she had said, and now everything was just so much worse, because what she had said then was more true than what she had said the previous night.

She  _ wanted  _ to be with him. It was terrifying how much she wanted it, how much her lips ached for his kiss, her skin for his burning touch. Telling him that she didn’t want to be with him was the hardest thing she’d ever done because of how blatantly untrue it was, but she wasn’t good enough for him. Even if he wasn’t the Fire Lord, he was still too good for her, and it was better to break his heart now than drag it out, to let him see her and be repulsed, to have him realize how deep the damage went - not just physically, but emotionally too.

She swallowed thickly and finally dropped her gaze from the door, feeling as though her entire world had just crumbled in front of her.

“Come with me, Master Katara,” Norbu’s soft voice reached her ears. “I believe what I have to show you will provide some amount of comfort.”

Reluctantly, Katara nodded, dragging her feet as she followed Norbu out of the dining room and through the corridors. Despite herself, she found herself looking for Zuko around every corner, hoping he would come back.

“Master Katara,” Norbu said, pausing outside what looked like an exterior door in the back of the temple. “May I introduce you to the faster transportation that we promised you and the Fire Lord?”

The monk pushed the door open and allowed Katara to step through.

_ Appa.  _

That was her first thought as her jaw dropped at the sight of the huge, fluffy bison who had turned its bright brown eyes on her. But it wasn’t Appa - he was countless miles away with Aang. And this bison was bigger, its horns a little rougher, its eyes just slightly a different shape, its fur a slightly different shade of cream.

The animal grunted and padded over to her, somehow nearly silent despite its size, and she just stared as it sniffed her, then grunted again and licked her.

“I thought… we all thought that Appa was the last one.” Katara said, dumbfounded. She placed her hand on the bison’s head and scratched, eliciting a contented growl from deep within its belly.

Norbu was smiling as she reached up and pet the creature behind its ear. “How do you think we escaped Sozin’s slaughter without our bison?”

Katara just blinked. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it, really. It was such a shock that you survived at all.”

Norbu nodded in understanding. “Kalsang is my bison,” she said, and at the sound of its name, the bison let out a low growl and nudged closer to the airbender, almost knocking Katara over in the process. “We’ll be taking her today, once Fire Lord Zuko is ready to depart.”

Her heart clenched uncomfortably at the sound of Zuko’s name and she looked down, her hand slowing in its petting of Kalsang. 

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?” 

“Only he knows the answer to that question.” Norbu said softly. “But consider what you’ve forgiven  _ him _ for.”

Katara opened her mouth to respond but the door opened revealing a beaming Tinley and a scowling Zuko whose sour expression nearly disappeared at the sight of the gigantic bison that stood in front of Katara and Norbu. 

“Fire Lord Zuko,” Norbu nodded in greeting. “We will be taking my bison Kalsang to your mother’s today. Are you ready?”

Kalsang eyed Zuko for a moment as he approached, but upon sniffing him once, licked him from head to toe and covered him in a layer of slime, just like Appa had when Zuko had first shown up on their doorstep.

The memory hurt.

“Ugh, why am I always the one that gets slobbered on?” Zuko frowned, wiping away the slime from his face. 

Norbu chuckled. “Take it as a compliment, Fire Lord. These creatures trample people they don’t like.”

“I think I’d prefer that at this point.” He grumbled, his eyes flicking up towards Katara for a split second before looking away. “Let’s go.”

She swallowed, feeling her heart break yet again as he purposely avoided her, knowing that it was all her fault, knowing that he had every right to be angry and upset with her. Knowing that it was for the best.

\---

The sensation of flying on a bison again was such a relief after so long either riding or walking on foot. The heavy wave of nostalgia that had flooded Katara’s body as they rose into the air was only marred by the fact that it was Norbu who sat at Kalsang’s head, guiding her to their destination, and that it was just her and Zuko sitting in the saddle. 

Several feet apart.

She kept glancing at Zuko, wondering what she could say to him that would make up for what had happened. No words came to mind. And, really, would  _ she  _ forgive him if he had been the one to do that to  _ her?  _ Norbu had seemed to imply that she would, but she wasn’t so sure. 

Hours passed in the awkward silence, and eventually she turned her attention to the clouds passing by below and around them as they traversed the Earth Kingdom, headed towards Zuko’s mother and the end of their journey together.

She wondered what that would mean now that everything had fallen apart. Maybe she’d go back to the South Pole after all and risk whatever political responsibilities she may end up with. Zuko probably wouldn’t want her to stay in the Fire Nation now, and the comfort of her family would, maybe, soothe her own wounds. The thought of her father’s strong arms wrapped around her, of Sokka’s obnoxious laughter and incessant teasing, Gran Gran’s delicious cooking, made her throat tighten and her eyes burn with unshed tears. 

She missed them, and now, more than ever, she ached to have them with her. At the same time, she didn’t know what she would do if she returned home. Help rebuild, she guessed, but that would only take so long with a team of expert waterbenders, and then what? 

She didn’t know, and the tears fell as the hurt and guilt and uncertainty swirled in her stomach and she leaned on the saddle’s edge and stared down, unseeing, at the world passing by below them.

\---

Grey swirls turned to an impenetrable mist. She stood before it, surrounded by it, staring into it, held in place by it. It was heavy and damp, the cold soaking deep into her bones as she stood there, unable to move.

A haunting, wicked laugh echoed all around her, bouncing off the mist and reflecting back upon itself. It was impossibly loud in her ears to the point where it was almost painful; she clasped her hands over her ears, trying to block out the disturbing sound, but if anything the laughter just grew louder, echoing inside her head as she squeezed her eyes shut and collapsed to her knees. 

“Look at me.”

The words sent chills down her spine even as she opened her eyes, meeting the dark, hateful eyes of the man standing before her. Strands of grey hair fell in front of his face, his mouth turned down in a heavy frown.

As she looked at him, his shirt suddenly became soaked with first rain, pelting down against him from nowhere, the droplets invisible until they reached him, and then with blood, stemming from the center of his abdomen. The icicle she had pierced him with was invisible, but she didn’t need it to know exactly what was happening. Only this time, Yon Rha was standing before her as he died, and she was kneeling before him, unable to look away from him.

“You’re a stupid girl.” He continued, his words wet with the blood that was filling his mouth. “You thought killing me would end things. You think hurting Zuko will fix things.” He laughed, spraying blood into the air, onto her face, and pointed. “Well look over there,  _ sweetie,  _ and tell me what you see.”

She looked. Zuko stood there, dressed in his formal Fire Lord robes, a faceless woman by his side. And there  _ she  _ was, arm in arm with a faceless man, and she could see the unhappiness on her and Zuko’s faces, the world weariness that came with growing old. And Zuko’s golden eyes, fixed on her, and her eyes fixed on him as they passed each other and hesitated before they both moved on in opposite directions. 

The scene disappeared, replaced by Zuko, middle-aged with grey in his hair and lines on his face, sitting in his study in the Fire Nation Palace and staring down at a scroll that held his neat handwriting. 

“I’m sorry, Katara,” he mumbled to himself, and his voice was the same as it had always been, raspy and deep. 

And then suddenly she was looking at herself, dressed in polar bear furs and sitting in a house in what she assumed to be the South Pole, and looking just as old as Zuko. And she was holding a scroll and crying, her fingers running over the signature at the bottom. 

_ Zuko’s  _ signature.

“I’m sorry too, Zuko,” she choked out.

“Whatever you do,” a voice interrupted, and Katara felt her blood turn to ice as she spun, motionless, to face the new voice.

“You can’t keep trying to save him.” Said Hama.

Her mouth was dry as the image of Zuko throwing himself in front of lighting, catching it for her, appeared before her. She watched as he shuddered and twitched and crashed to the ground in slow motion, heard him cry out, heard Azula’s maniacal laughter echo from all around her. 

_ “Katara?” _

Katara felt tears prick at her eyes. “I have to protect him,” she managed. 

_ “Katara?” _

Hama laughed cruelly. “From what? This?”

And suddenly she saw herself just as she had in the mirror the other day, her scar dark and twisted against her skin, the mark above her heart a twisted knot of scar tissue. 

“You’re selfish, Katara,” the old woman continued, voice dripping with malice. “You only care about yourself.”

_ “Katara?” _

“No I don’t!” Katara sobbed. “I-”

“You didn’t kill me for anyone but yourself.” Yon Rha said.

“I-”

“You’re afraid.” Hama spat. “You’re weak, and you’re afraid, and you’re selfish.”

“Katara!” 

She opened her eyes and suddenly Hama was gone, and Yon Rha was gone, and the grey mist surrounding her was gone, replaced by clouds and cool air and a blurry image of a familiar, scarred face.

Her heart was thundering in her chest and as she sat up and rubbed her eyes, she was half-aware of a blanket sliding off her and into her lap. But she felt herself begin to shake with the remnants of the dream and she tucked her knees up to her chest and buried her head in between them, not wanting Zuko to see the tears that were trickling down her cheeks as her body was racked with silent sobs. 

“We’re… almost there.” 

Zuko’s words were hesitant, and she could feel his gaze on her, but he didn’t reach out to comfort her like he would have a few days ago. She just nodded in return, raising her head and wiping her cheeks quickly before turning to gaze out as Kalsang began her descent and they inched closer and closer to the end of their journey.

\---

Katara could tell that Zuko was nervous. His eyes were darting around even before they slid to the ground from Kalsang’s saddle, and she could sense that his heart was racing, his muscles taut. Normally, she would reach out, place a hand on his arm, let him know that he wasn’t alone. But she didn’t think she could do that now. 

“Just down that road is the village of Penseng,” Norbu explained, pointing down a dirt path that disappeared into the trees. “And just down that path, about a ten minute walk away, is where your mother lives.” She pointed to a different path.

Zuko stared down the path, his eyes wide, and said nothing.

“Thank you, Elder Norbu.” Katara bowed to the monk. 

“I will leave you to it,” Norbu bowed back. “Kalsang and I will remain here for the night and until noon tomorrow. Otherwise, just send a letter and we will pick you up and take you home to the Fire Nation whenever you are ready.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath to try to steady her breathing as she shouldered her pack. Every step that they took now would bring them closer to the end, closer to when they would have to figure out exactly what to do now that their journey was over and their friendship at stake.

“Come on Zuko,” she murmured. 

He blinked, glanced at her, his gaze lingering on her face for a moment, before he shouldered his pack as well and stepped off down the path that Norbu had shown them. 

The silence that hung between them was heavy with anxiety. Katara felt uneasy, glancing around at the trees that surrounded them, but there was nothing but the sounds of the forest and their own footsteps. 

The flashbacks to the dream she had had ran through her head in an endless cycle.

_ You’re selfish. _

She closed her eyes and took a breath. 

_ You can’t keep trying to save him. _

A twig snapped underneath her foot and she jumped, her hands automatically going to the waterskin at her hip.

“Are you alright?” 

His sun-colored eyes were fixed on her, and as she raised her own eyes to meet them, she saw the familiar look of concern that she had become so familiar with over the past few weeks. The look that had been there for months now. 

Even after everything, he still cared about her.

“I… I’m just…” She stammered, unsure how to put her thoughts into words. “I don’t…”

Before she could figure out what to say, however, they emerged from the trees and found themselves at the edge of a small farm. Two small pastures and a large barn decorated the clearing. A few animals - some ostrich horses, a rooster-pig and some hen-pigs, and a bear-dog glanced their way. The bear-dog stood, watching them warily, but didn’t growl or try to approach them. A house, tucked away near the other end of the forest, had smoke rising from the chimney and a light flickering in the window.

She heard Zuko’s sharp inhale as they both realized that this was it. This was where his mother was.

This was the end of the road.

It only took a minute to cross the property and reach the front door of the house. Katara glanced at Zuko, whose eyes were once again wide and staring as they both paused at the door. He seemed frozen, as if he wasn’t able to raise his hand and knock.

She reached out. His arm was warm to the touch and he started, glancing down at her hand before looking at her, locking eyes with her for just a moment.

“It’s okay, Zuko.” She smiled softly at him, feeling her stomach lurch with all kinds of emotions. 

He nodded. “Thanks, Katara. I-”

“Can I help you?”

They both jumped and turned to face the man who had opened the door silently and was now standing in the doorway, arms crossed, a heavy frown on his face.

“I, uh…” Zuko stammered, then cleared his throat. “We’re looking for a woman named Ursa. We were told she lives here.”

The man narrowed his eyes - grey eyes, Katara noticed - and regarded both of them with an icy stare. “I’m not sure I’ve heard of anybody by that name.”

Katara’s heart sank, her brows furrowing in confusion - had they been lied to by Norbu and the other monks?

“And who are you two, anyway?” The man added. “You don’t look like you’re from around here.”

“We aren’t.” Zuko continued. “I’m… I’m Zuko, and this is Katara.”

“We’re looking for-” Katara began, but was interrupted as a voice called from within the house.

“Who is it, honey?”

She felt Zuko stiffen beside her, looked up to see his jaw tighten, his eyes go blank.

“Just two kids,” the man called back. “They’re looking for someone named Ursa.”

There was a pause, then, “... two kids? Who are they?”

The man shrugged, as if the woman he was speaking to could see him. “A girl and a boy. Think the boy said his name was  _ Zuko  _ or somethi-”

There was a scuffling noise and then, suddenly, a woman appeared in the doorway beside the man, a tea cup and dish towel still clutched in her hands.

Katara’s body went stiff at the sight of her, her heart skipping a beat as the imprint of blue flames flashed before her eyes, as the echo of laughter rang in her ears. The woman standing before them had long, sleek black hair, a long oval face, amber eyes. She looked like Azula. 

_ No,  _ she realized.  _ Azula looks like  _ her.

This wasn’t Azula. The softness of her face, the gentleness in her eyes, the hair just beginning to turn grey in places, the simple clothes she wore on her body. 

No. This wasn’t Azula, but her  _ mother _ who stood before them.

_ Zuko’s  _ mother.

“M-om.” 

The single word that escaped Zuko’s throat sent chills down Katara’s spine as she glanced between Zuko and Ursa, her heart racing in her chest.

The tea cup fell from Ursa’s fingers and shattered on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update! Poor little lovebirds :( 
> 
> But they've found Ursa! How exciting! Who wants to know how Zuko is reacting to everything? Probably all of you but you'll have to wait. Such is the way of the world. 
> 
> Also, interestingly, this chapter has been written for almost a week and I *WAITED* to post it, so maybe I'm gaining some self-control??? We'll see. Anyway. Chapter 22 is ALSO already written. (wow Neva, so prepared!) but I'm still not going to post it until next week. (sorry)
> 
> Thank you everyone <3


	22. XXII

His mother stood before him, looking almost exactly as he remembered her. Her hair was different, her clothes simpler, but it was still her. Unmistakably, undeniably _her._

“M-om.” He managed, his throat thick with emotion, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

Something fell from her fingers and shattered on the floor, but he barely noticed. Suddenly his mother was no longer in the doorway, but directly in front of him, staring up at him.

Staring _up_ at him? When had he outgrown her?

“Zuko?” She whispered, her eyes searching his face, lingering on his scar as she raised a hesitant hand. “Is that really you?”

He nodded, feeling the first of the tears escape and trickle down his cheeks. “It’s really me, Mom.”

“Oh my… Agni…” Ursa said, and before Zuko had time to react, she had pulled him into a fierce embrace.

She still smelled the same, her arms felt the same, and before he knew it he was just holding her tightly to him and sobbing as the reality that she was _alive,_ she was _here,_ she was _holding him_ sank in.

It felt like an eternity that they stayed there, and yet when they finally broke apart, it felt like it hadn’t been enough time. Like it would _never_ be enough time.

But she was looking at him again, and this time her eyes were focused solely on his scar. She raised a hand again, and moved to place it on his cheek.

He caught it before her fingers grazed the rough skin, glancing at Katara for a split second before looking down at the floor between them.

“How?”

The single word cut through Zuko’s heart like a knife. He knew she already had an idea what had happened. She had been married to Ozai, after all. So when he raised his gaze to meet hers again, he wasn’t surprised to see the anger burning deep in her eyes. 

“I… I’ll explain in a little while.” He said, glancing at Katara and the man who had opened the door. “Mom, this is Katara. She helped me find you.”

Ursa turned to face Katara, and Zuko watched as Katara bowed respectfully.

“Princess Ursa,” she said. “It’s an honor to finally meet you.”

Ursa smiled and pulled Katara into a hug just like she’d done to Zuko.

“Thank you,” she managed. “Thank you for bringing my son to me.”

The man in the doorway cleared his throat. “Perhaps we should invite our guests in for some tea?”

Ursa released Katara, who looked taken aback and slightly flushed from the show of affection, and nodded, her eyes shining with tears. “Yes, yes. Please, come in. I’ll make tea, and I can heat up some food too if you’re hungry.”

The man stepped aside and allowed first Ursa, then Katara, then Zuko inside, and then closed the door behind them. 

The house was small but comfortable. A table with four chairs was set up by the largest window and on the opposite side to the window was the kitchen. Comfortable lounge chairs were set up by the door, and a set of stairs led to a second floor. 

As Zuko sat down at the table, Katara next to him, the man across from them, and Ursa bustled off to the kitchen, he tried to imagine his mother living here for the past six years. After growing up with her in the Fire Nation palace, spending countless hours in the Royal Gardens and looking up at the stars, it was strange to think that this had become her life.

“I’m Rabten, by the way.” The man said as he considered the two of them. “And sorry about all the suspicion. Given who Ursa is, we were dreading the day when someone would come looking for her. Never thought it’d be her son and his girlfriend though.”

Zuko felt his body heat rise and he risked a quick glance at Katara before he looked down at his clasped hands, remembering the night before, remembering the fire of their kiss, the softness of her skin. Remembering the painful rejection, the featherlight brush of her lips against his as if in goodbye.

“We, uh-”

“He’s not-”

“She’s not-”

“We aren’t dating.” Katara finally clarified, clearing her throat. “Just… just friends.”

Rabten eyed them with one eyebrow raised, but he didn’t comment as Ursa returned from the kitchen and passed cups of tea to everyone at the table before settling down next to him.

“So,” Ursa said, fixing her eyes on Zuko and taking a sip of tea - it was ginseng, Iroh’s favorite, and Zuko felt another wave of emotion roll over him. “How did you two find me? How did you end up together? Were the rumors about you traveling with the Avatar true?”

Zuko chuckled slightly, hoping to relieve some of his nerves, and sipped at his tea. “Yes, the rumors were true. But the rest is a very long story.”

Katara nodded beside him, and he found himself watching her hands as she raised her tea cup, drank, and set it back down.

“Well,” Ursa sighed. “We have time.”

Zuko nodded, looking back up at his mother. He still couldn’t believe that she was sitting in front of him, plain as day. 

“We met in the South Pole.”

“I thought you were a waterbender?” Ursa interrupted, her amber eyes fixing on Katara.

Katara flushed. “Yes… I’m the last one from my tribe, actually. I trained Aang- the Avatar. Zuko attacked my village looking for him, and-”

“You _attacked_ her village?” 

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tightly. “It was while I was banished, and I was looking for the Avatar-”

“I still can’t believe that Ozai banished you.” Ursa scowled. “If I ever get my hands on that man, I swear he’ll regret ever having laid eyes on me.”

Zuko frowned, wondering how much his mother knew about his life after she had left. Surely, if she had been secretly keeping tabs on them, then she would’ve let him know, somehow, that she was still alive. 

“Anyway,” he sighed. “I met Katara in the South Pole looking for the Avatar. And after I found him, her and her brother joined Aang and I ended up chasing them all over the world.”

“Literally.” Katara added, smiling slightly. “He managed to infiltrate the Northern Water Tribe somehow, and almost managed to capture Aang again.”

And so the story unfolded, each of them stepping in at various points to tell their side of the story. Katara watched him intently as he told the part about living in the Earth Kingdom as refugees, making their way to Ba Sing Se in hopes of surviving the war there, and Zuko listened carefully in turn as Katara told of their journey through the Si Wong Desert, their successful destruction of Azula’s drill, and their adventures with the Dai Lee. 

When it came to the crystal catacombs, Zuko hesitated, and so did Katara. He could remember their exchange like it had been yesterday - the yelling, the accusations, the raw emotions rolling off both of them in waves. And the desire, unfamiliar and terrifying, to open up to this girl, his enemy. And he could still feel her fingers on his scar - the first and only person besides himself to touch it since the bandages came off - and hear the soft words, the offer to heal it. Heal _him._

And then came the guilt at his betrayal, the disappointment in himself that he had felt so deeply even as he and Azula sailed back towards the Fire Nation, victorious. The beginning of his realization that the Fire Nation was wrong, the war was wrong, his _father_ was wrong.

Between the two of them, they managed to get through it, skirting around the more intimate details and emotions and focusing on the big picture.

“So after the eclipse, Zuko showed up at the Western Air Temple where we were hiding and offered to join us and teach Aang.” Katara said, letting out a long exhale. “And then we won.”

Zuko glanced at her, but he didn’t elaborate any more on the story. His emotions were running too high for him to be comfortable going into any more detail about his life with the Gaang anyway, and everything that had happened during the final battle and since was just too raw.

_You said you loved me, you kissed me, and then you said you didn’t want to be with me._

His words echoed in his head and he shut his eyes for a moment, feeling sick and guilty. He was still upset with Katara, still angry at her for messing with his emotions like that, but he hated yelling. He hated how it made him feel, how it made others feel. 

“That is… quite the story.” Ursa said finally, looking at the two of them curiously. “And how did you two end up together to find me?”

Zuko winced as he felt Katara stiffen beside him. “We…”

“I was injured in the final battle.” Katara swallowed. “And during my recovery, we got information about you, and… well, it just sort of worked out that we would go together.”

Ursa nodded, satisfied, then fixed her eyes on Zuko. “I still… I can’t believe you’re here, Zuko.” She murmured. “You’ve grown up so much. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

Zuko looked down and suddenly it felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Why… why _did_ you leave, Mom?” He looked back up, and his eyes burned with tears. “You left me and Azula with _him.”_

His mother swallowed and wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t want to. I tried to take you with me. Ozai wouldn’t let me, and I didn’t have enough time to come up with a plan to sneak away with you.”

She reached across the table and placed her hand over his, and Zuko closed his eyes for a moment, relishing in her touch.

“He promised he wouldn’t hurt you.” Ursa continued, her voice tight. “I should have known he lied.”

“What did he do?” Katara’s question, so innocent, was jarring to his ears.

He opened his eyes and looked at her, the woman he had fallen in love with, and felt a mixture of frustration and adoration rise inside him. 

Agni, how could he ever let her go now? How could he ever find someone who made him half as happy as she did? Someone who was anywhere near her equal?

“He burned me for speaking out of turn.” He said, and he watched as her eyes flashed with horrified realization. 

“I… I thought… I thought it was an accident.” She murmured, her hand lifting a few inches, as if to touch him, before settling back down as she looked away. “I’m sorry.”

Zuko shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”

“Well,” Rabten said, breaking the long silence that he had maintained throughout the night. “It’s late. Perhaps we should all get some rest and continue catching up in the morning.”

Even as he spoke, Zuko felt the exhaustion of the day catch up to him. He nodded in agreement and stood up, his chair scraping against the flood floor.

“I’ll show you to your rooms,” Ursa said, leading the way up the stairs. 

Zuko allowed Katara to walk ahead of him, then brought up the rear, every step requiring a herculean effort. His legs felt heavy, his body stiff, his mind overworked. 

Katara disappeared into the first room upon Ursa’s instructions, and then Ursa was embracing him once more, stroking the back of his head and squeezing him so tight he could barely breathe.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, then pulled away and held him out at arm’s length. “Now, get some rest, and we can talk more tomorrow.”

With that, she disappeared back down the stairs and Zuko entered his room, too exhausted to even kick off his boots before collapsing onto the bed. 

The mattress was soft, the sheets warm and smooth against his skin, but despite the comfort, he found himself thinking back to those trees that he and Katara had curled up against, with her body pressed against his, her head tucked into the crook of his shoulder. More than anything, he wished that she was there beside him.

He groaned, covering his face with his hands as the memory of the kiss came back to him. He was still so confused, so hurt that she would kiss him like that and then turn around and just…

“Zuko?” 

The soft voice accompanied a quiet knock on the door and he sat up, blinking away the worst of the exhaustion and fixing his gaze on the door.

“What?” The single word came out harsher than he intended, but he let it hang in the air between them.

The door opened slowly, as if Katara was hesitating, and then there she was, framed in the doorway, her hair curtaining her face, her eyes shining.

“I… I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?” 

He knew he was being difficult on purpose, but the sight of her there in her rumpled dress, illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window, made his stomach twist, his heart clench. He wanted to kiss her again, because their one kiss would never be enough for him now.

But he just sat there and watched her, fighting the exhaustion that weighed on his body.

She looked down. “For everything.”

He looked away, swallowing. “I’ve been hurt by enough people, Katara.”

“I know.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, I know, but…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I am in love with you. I want to be with you. You kissed me and then turned away from me.”

He heard the sharp inhale of breath from the door at his words and he felt slightly sick, his heart racing as he realized that that was the first time he had spoken those words to her. He raised his gaze to meet hers, saw the hesitation in them.

“I…” She began, then stopped. Silently, she moved further into the room and shut the door behind her before turning to face Zuko again. “I’m sorry, Zuko.”

Any small hope he had allowed himself to feel was shattered at her words and he turned his head away from her. 

“You deserve someone whole, someone who can give you everything.”

“Don’t tell me what I _deserve,_ Katara.” He snapped. “My father, my sister, half the people I’ve ever met have told me I _deserved_ what I got, that I _deserved_ to be marked forever, that I _deserved_ to be banished. This isn’t about what I deserve!” 

He was vaguely aware that she had moved closer to him, standing just out of his sight. “I’m not saying that at all, Zuko.”

“You might as well be.” He growled, finally looking up at her again. “You aren’t being honest with me, Katara. I’ve been lied to my whole life. I can’t… I _trust_ you. You’re the first person I trusted - truly trusted - apart from my uncle. But you aren’t telling me the truth about why you don’t want to be with me.”

Her eyes flashed with hurt and realization and she looked down, biting at her lip as she crossed her arms over her belly. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” She took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of losing you. Of not being enough. Of being too damaged, or too… too ugly, or-”

He stood then, moving so they were only inches apart. Fire was burning in his belly, rising higher the more he stared at her.

“I don’t think you’re too damaged, or not enough. And I definitely don’t think you’re ugly, Katara.” He swallowed, his hand twitching as if to touch her, but it remained by his side.

She was silent for a moment, staring up at him, searching his face. “If you could go back in time, and save me without getting a scar… would you?”

He blinked, taken aback by the question. And he was slightly surprised to find that his answer was automatic. “No. I wouldn’t.”

And then he remembered seeing her lying on the cobblestones beside him, her side black and red and her clothes burned away, could hear Uulana’s voice in his head.

_Her injury is severe. I’m not sure she’ll survive._

He could see her tucked beneath the blankets in the overly large bed in the palace, heard her steady, shallow breaths, felt the coolness of her skin as he had held her hand in his, as he watched her face and prayed to Agni that she would wake up.

Something clicked in his head.

“Is this about your injury?” He murmured. “Your scar?”

She blinked, a few tears escaping her eyes and running down her cheeks, and then shook her head, looking away from him.

Somehow he didn’t fully believe her.

“You know I don’t care about that, right?” 

She shook her head and hastily wiped the tears from her face. “It’s not about that!”

“Then what, Katara?” His voice rose, he could feel the tightness in his throat as the fire raged in his belly. “Why won’t you just tell me?”

“I don’t think there’s any way for us to have a happy ending.” She said, and her voice was suddenly stronger than it had been throughout their conversation. “And I love you too much to lose you, so if we can’t be together, I still want to be your friend.”

Agni, his heart could only take so much. 

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

“If this is about the Fire Sages, I-”

“What happens if we get together right now, Zuko?” She interrupted. 

He blinked, slightly confused, but even as he opened his mouth to speak, she continued.

“You said the Fire Sages were pressuring you to marry. So, let’s assume they and the Fire Nation accept me. Then we get married. Then the pressure for heirs comes, and then what happens if… if I can’t have any? Or if we realize that we were too young to make this decision and end up as two completely different people than we are now? What if we grow to resent each other, but we’re stuck because we made a decision when we were still kids just barely on the winning side of the war?”

The tension that he had been holding in his body, the anger, the fire inside him… it all just disappeared as he stared at her. He felt very heavy, his chest tight, as if he had been buried alive and was struggling to breathe.

“I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, Katara.” He said, his voice flat and drained. “But falling in love with you wasn’t one of them, and if you think it was, then maybe you’re right. Maybe there is no happy ending.”

He turned away from her then, laying down on the bed and closing his eyes, forcing himself to breathe, to ignore the heartache growing louder in his chest. 

“Goodnight, Katara.”

“Zuko, I’m sor-”

“I’m tired, Katara.” He exhaled, not opening his eyes. “I’m done.”

“Okay.” She sucked in a breath and he heard her pad over to the door and pull it open. “Goodnight, Zuko.”

The door shut, and she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is Chapter 22! I am really excited to hear what you guys think! <3


	23. XXIII

The lightning flashed through the sky as it always did, headed directly for her heart, crackling in slow motion as her eyes widened in horrified realization. She had rewatched this memory almost every night since that day. She knew exactly what would happen next.

Except this time there was no shout from Zuko, no familiar figure in red and gold jumping in front of the lightning to save her.

Confused, her eyes searched for him and found him standing there, watching as the lightning coursed towards her with an expression of resignation. And then his eyes met hers and the rest of the world froze, the lightning hanging in the air, Azula’s twisted grin stuck on her face, her cackle cut off mid-sound.

“I’m done, Katara.” Zuko said, and his voice was tired even as his words cut deep into her heart. 

The lightning struck her in the chest and she was flung backwards with the force of the impact. And as she burned from the inside out, she saw Zuko turning away, hunched over. 

Defeated.

\---

She remained in bed for hours after waking, her entire body shaking with the remnants of the nightmare. She wrapped the blankets tightly around her, closing her eyes and trying to imagine Zuko’s arms around her, comforting her, but that only made her heart ache more.

_ I’m tired, Katara. I’m done. _

A sob escaped her lips and she buried her face deeper into the pillows, wishing, not for the first time, that she wasn’t so broken and wishing that she was strong enough to face the challenges that being with Zuko would bring.

_ You’re weak, and you’re afraid, and you’re selfish. _

“I’m not,” she sobbed, clutching at the blankets and pillows as if they would protect her from the voices inside her head. 

She knew the words were a lie even as she spoke them, and that only served to make her feel even worse.

When, finally, her body stopped shaking and the tears stopped falling, she just felt numb, staring unfocused up at the ceiling and listening to the sounds of the house at night, waiting for it to be an appropriate time to get out of bed.

\---

The grey dawn had just begun to spread across the sky when she slipped out of her bedroom and made her way downstairs, hoping she didn’t look as bad as she felt and knowing that that was unlikely.

“Katara!” Ursa looked up from the stove as Katara approached the table. “You’re up early.”

Katara just nodded as she sat down at the table and rested her head in her hands. There was no use in pretending she wasn’t exhausted. 

Ursa sat down across from her, plonking a cup of steaming lavender tea in front of her. 

“What’s wrong?”

Katara glanced up, met the soft amber eyes - soft and so easily readable, just like Zuko’s, she realized - and swallowed, straightening up slightly as she pulled the cup of tea towards her and stared down at the steam curling off the liquid. 

Part of her wanted to confess everything, to finally say everything that was on her mind, every emotion she felt, to take comfort in this woman’s arms, but this was Zuko’s mother, not her own. She had no obligation to hear all of Katara’s problems.

“Just a bad dream.” She shrugged. At least it wasn’t a lie.

She could feel Ursa’s regarding her carefully, watching as she took a sip of the lavender tea and placed her cup back down on the table.

“You’ve been through a lot.”

It wasn’t really a question, but Katara raised her eyes to meet Ursa’s and nodded slowly. There was little use in hiding that fact; the highlights from the story she and Zuko had told the previous night were enough to fill a lifetime. 

“The outcome of the war should not have been put on such young shoulders.” Ursa sighed. “It should never have been yours and Zuko’s burdens to bear.”

“Well, it was Aang who defeated Ozai.” Katara corrected.

“Do you think he would have won if you and Zuko hadn’t been by his side?”

She opened her mouth to respond, but paused, the question having struck a nerve. She had never considered that Aang might not have succeeded without them. It was his destiny, after all.

“I’m not undermining the Avatar’s role in the end of the war,” she continued, “only pointing out that you and my son played equally important roles.”

Katara looked down at her tea again and swallowed. “Well, Zuko’s the Fire Lord now. And I’m… I’m exactly where I was before I found Aang.”

“It didn’t sound like it when you told your story last night.”

She snorted. “I have nowhere to go but back to the South Pole. I’m not important anymore.”

“You’re important to my son,” Ursa commented. “I can tell how close you two are.”

If she hadn’t cried herself out earlier that morning, she would be fighting back tears. As it was, her eyes burned hot and she took a sip of tea to hide her expression. 

“Maybe I was.”  _ But I rejected him. _

__ _ I’m weak, and afraid, and selfish. _

__ “Katara,” she said, and she was smiling knowingly at her. “Don’t let fear or doubt get in the way of your happiness.”

Before Katara could respond, there were footsteps on the stairs and both of them straightened up from where they had been leaning across the table. Katara took another sip of tea, glancing quickly over as Zuko appeared at the bottom of the stairs. His hair was unkempt, his face drawn with exhaustion and the raw emotions from the night before. 

Guilt gnawed at her and she looked down at the table even as Ursa greeted her son with a cheerful, “Good morning” before returning to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, waving off their half-hearted offers to help.

“Are you okay?” 

His voice startled her and she looked up, glancing around the room, but Ursa was gone and it was just the two of them. His eyes were fixed on her and she knew he could see the puffiness of her cheeks, the red rims of her eyes. He knew she wasn’t okay, and despite everything, he still cared.

“I had a nightmare.” She swallowed.

“Me too.”

“Will they ever go away?”

His hesitation gave her the answer, though not the one she had hoped for. But the words that left his mouth were not what she expected him to say.

“Mine go away when I’m with you.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly unable to look away from his face. She found herself searching the familiar features, the dark scar, the frown lines on the bridge of his nose and the corners of his mouth, the lips that always looked so good when twisted up into a smile, that had felt so good against hers. The golden eyes that had captured her heart and now held her in their intense gaze. 

“Zuko, last night I-”

He blinked, and somehow the spell was broken. “Don’t worry about it. I get it.”

“No, I-”

Ursa reentered carrying a tray with rice and a beef stew, and Katara stopped mid-sentence, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. The aroma that wafted over from the stew made Katara’s stomach rumble obnoxiously and she suddenly realized that she was starving.

“Please, eat as much as you like.” Ursa smiled, passing them each a bowl and gesturing for them to help themselves to the food.

“Smells delicious, dear,” Rabten’s voice echoed across from the door as he entered the house, stomping on the woven mat before crossing over to the table and sitting down next to Ursa.

Katara glanced at Zuko before looking back over at the couple before them. “So,” she said hesitantly. “How long… when did you two meet?”

“Oh, right,” Ursa laughed. “I forgot we never really explained last night. We met in the city of Gyatse when I was running away from the Fire Nation. He and his sister helped me for a while, and things just sort of went from there. We moved out here, to Penseng, and got married a few months later.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Ursa frowned, looking at her son with a sympathetic, slightly worried expression. “I should have told you when you first arrived. I know this must be weird for you-”

“No, no…” Zuko cleared his throat. “It’s fine. I guess I just… hadn’t really thought about it. I thought you were dead until a few months ago, and even after father told me what had really happened, I didn’t really let myself think about the possibility of you being alive because I was afraid it was just another of his lies.”

A heavy silence followed his words, interrupted by the occasional tap of chopsticks against the bowls as they all focused on their food for a moment.

“So,” Katara finally said, the awkwardness too much for her taste. “You’re from Gyatse, then?”

Rabten nodded. “Born and raised.”

“Are you an airbender then?”

Rabten and Ursa exchanged a glance, their eyes wide, and Katara raised her eyebrow, realizing that she and Zuko hadn’t mentioned  _ how  _ they had finally found Ursa.

“What… what do you know about Gyatse?” Rabten finally asked.

Katara glanced at Zuko, briefly meeting his gaze with an amused smile. 

“Well, Norbu was the one who actually brought us here,” Zuko explained. “On her bison.”

Ursa and Rabten both looked taken aback by this. “So… You know.”

Katara nodded. 

“Well,” Rabten exhaled, puffing out his cheeks. “I guess there’s no point in hiding it anymore.” With that, he spun his wrist in a circle, creating a mini tornado in the palm of his hand for a moment before he clenched his fist and picked up his chopsticks once more.

Ursa rolled her eyes, but Katara noticed the smile twitching at her lips. She shuddered as another face flashed before her mind’s eye - a similar face, a similar smile, only more twisted.

The atmosphere quickly turned somber when Ursa spoke next, however, and Katara dropped her gaze to the table, suddenly disinterested in her food.

“You never said what happened to Azula. Is she… was she killed?”

She felt Zuko stiffen beside her, felt him glance at her, but she didn’t look up. 

“No.” Zuko said, as though the word was difficult to get out. “But she isn’t exactly… she’s not all there, anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Ursa’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“She went crazy, Mom.” Zuko’s voice broke. “She tried too hard to be perfect for our fa- for Ozai. And it broke her.” He took a shaky breath. “She challenged me to an Agni Kai, and… she broke the rules, and we all ended up hurt.”

Blue flames.

Lightning.

A wicked, unhinged laughter echoing in her ears.

A scream. Her own, wrenched from her throat as Zuko crashed to the ground.

“Excuse me.” She managed, almost sending her chair flying backwards as she stood violently and raced out of the front door before anyone could stop her.

The fresh, cold autumn air hit her flushed skin and sent a shock shuddering down her entire body and into her bones. It felt good, though, helped ground her. She wasn’t burning, she wasn’t watching Zuko burn. She was here, and she was alive, and she was cold.

Cold was good.

The bear-dog she had seen the previous day was lounging near the fence near a small herd of koala sheep that she hadn’t noticed before - perhaps they had been in the barn - and she started walking towards it, slightly cautiously.

The bear-dog glanced lazily at her, its big brown eyes half closed, looking as though it hadn’t a care in the world. Its tail rose and fell a few times, thumping against the dirt.

Taking that as a good sign, she continued her approach and bent down to pat the creature’s head. At her touch, it closed its eyes and increased its tail-thumping, and Katara felt a smile tug at her mouth, felt the worst of the flashbacks melt away as her fingers rubbed at soft brown fur and the animal rolled onto its back for a belly-rub.

“He likes you.”

Rabten’s voice made her jump and she half-stood as she turned to look at him, earning a whine of protest as the bear-dog nudged at her hand for more pets. Despite her time with Aang, she never ceased to be surprised at how silent airbenders could be.

“His name is Tadao. He protects the koala sheep. Well, and everything else. But not much will mess with an ostrich horse.” He chuckled.

Katara took a breath to steady her breathing after the surprise of Rabten’s appearance, turning back to the bear-dog.

“Hi Tadao,” she murmured, and Tadao instantly thumped his tail even louder against the dirt, his mouth open and tongue lolling as he panted happily.

“I’m just gonna be in the barn there if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Rabten.” Katara murmured, still focused on Tadao. She wasn’t ready to go back inside, despite the fact that the cold air was still biting into her skin, cutting through her dress and beginning to chill her to the bone.

The thought of going back inside and talking about Azula made her feel sick. With guilt, anger, fear, she didn’t know. Maybe a mix of all three. But out here, with Tadao’s happy pants and tail wags, she felt a bit better. 

She was freezing, now, shivers racing along her spine as the cold soaked into her bones. It had been a long time since she had experienced cold, and she wished for her thick polar furs and sealskin boots. 

And she wished for  _ his  _ warmth.

_ Don’t let fear or doubt get in the way of your happiness. _

Was it happiness she felt when she was with him, or just security and warmth? Did she ache to touch him, to be near him, because she loved him for who he was, or what he gave to her? She had become dependent on him, on his heat and his soft touch throughout their time together, even back in the Fire Nation. Every time she woke, she had to see him to truly believe that her nightmares were just that, nightmares, and that he wasn’t dead on the cobblestones of the courtyard.

But when she closed her eyes, those moments seemed to fade, replaced by other things: the way he smiled at her over their campfires, the way he had held her on the Fire Nation ship as they started their journey to the Earth Kingdom, the warm touch of his hand on hers, the way it had felt when she had woken up in his arms in the forest. Warm and safe and secure.

And happy.

“Are you alright?”

This time she’d sensed his approach, but his voice still cut through her heart like a knife. She didn’t need to look up to know it was Zuko who stood nearby, but she did anyway, locking eyes with him for a moment.

“I’m… I’m okay.” She exhaled, glad that for once it wasn’t a complete lie. “Better now that I’ve made friends with Tadao.”

She saw the beginnings of a smile twitch at the corners of Zuko’s mouth as he closed the distance between them and held out his hand for Tadao to sniff. The bear-dog licked his fingers immediately and Zuko drew back, letting out a disgusted noise as he wiped the slobber off on his shirt. 

“Why do animals always slobber on  _ me?”  _ He muttered, reaching out to pet Tadao anyway.

Katara couldn’t help but laugh, remembering how both Appa and Kalsang had covered him in slime, and how even Momo had been a fan of licking his cheek.

“There’s obviously something about you that just makes you likable.” She paused, a slight smirk gracing her lips. “And lickable.”

He scowled at her, but his expression quickly relaxed. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

She nodded. “Are you?”

He glanced at her, looked away, his hand stilling for a moment in Tadao’s fur. “I think so.”

She took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to say. “I… I want to apologize for last night.”

He shook his head. “Don’t. It’s fine. I’m not going to try to force you into a decision you don’t want to make. It’s your life, too.”

“Zuko.” She murmured, reaching out and threading her fingers in between his, shivering slightly at the heat of his skin. Her heart was racing in her chest, and she could feel his pulse, rapid and unsteady as he turned his gaze to meet hers. 

_ You’re weak, and you’re afraid, and you’re selfish. _

_ I’m not. _

__ _ Don’t let fear or doubt get in the way of your happiness. _

__ _ I won’t. _

“I mean, I… I’m scared.”

He blinked at her, shifting his body so he was facing her more directly, his eyes searching her face.

“I’m scared,” she continued, inhaling shakily and dropping her gaze for a moment as she tried to gather the courage to say what she needed to say. “I have nightmares, and every time I think about  _ her, _ I just… I’m so afraid that I’ll never be normal again, that what happened has changed me, that the things I’ve done have made me cruel and sad and wrong, and when I’m with you…”

“Katara, if you’re just going to say you don’t want to be with me again-”

“I’m not.” She squeezed his hand, silently pleading with him to understand. “I’m trying to say… I… You make me feel safe, Zuko. And I don’t know why I didn’t recognize this before, because it’s so obvious to me now, but… you make me  _ happy,  _ Zuko. And with everything that’s happened, I didn’t know if that was still possible.”

Golden suns burned into her face as he just stared at her, and maybe she was imagining it but the heat from his hand seemed to have intensified.

“So I’m sorry for last night. And the night before. I was scared and stupid, and I hurt you and I am so sorry.” She could feel her body shaking now, and she wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the anxiety. “I’m still scared.” Tears burned in her eyes and she forced herself to swallow. “But I’m not sorry that I kissed you, and I’m not sorry that I told you I love you.”

He blinked. “You’re not?”

She shook her head, biting at her lower lip. “No, I’m not. You needed to know how I felt - how I  _ feel -  _ but that doesn’t mean I’m not still terrified of it.”

She was shaking, and she didn’t think it was from the cold anymore - his heat had enveloped her just like it always did. Her heart was thundering in her chest; she wasn’t sure what Zuko would expect from her now. She had wanted to explain, but would it be enough for him to forgive her?

“I…” Zuko began, but paused as a shadow loomed over them.

Both of them looked up, scrambling to their feet in surprise as the giant sky bison circled the air above them once before swooping in effortlessly for a landing.

“Appa?” Katara frowned, recognizing the bison’s creamy fur and dark eyes as those of Aang’s faithful companion.

“Aang?” Zuko questioned simultaneously.

The familiar lean figure of the airbender jumped down from Appa’s head, regarding them with a solemn expression.

“Toph…?” Katara murmured, noticing the messy black hair and green headband peeking out over the saddle on Appa’s back.

“Hey guys,” Aang said, his grey eyes darting between them, his hands picking nervously at his yellow robes. “You need to get back to the Fire Nation immediately.”

Katara’s heart dropped like a stone as dread settled over her, even as she heard Zuko’s strained question.

“What happened?”

“Iroh’s been hurt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah, Katara, you poor injured soul. 
> 
> Let me know what you're excited for coming up! The meat of the story is here, people! We made it!   
> Thanks for all your support <3
> 
> Also with this comes the end of the buffer of chapters I have written, but I also finished my finals today and am officially on vacation! I will try to continue my Friday updates, but I do have a lot of driving in the next few days so I'm not sure how well that will work, at least for this next week (plus it's Christmas), so I'd say probably plan on two weeks (sorry!)


	24. XXIV

He knew before the words left Aang’s mouth. He knew it before he felt the blood rush from his face, the heaviness in his body at the implication.

Iroh was hurt. Badly enough that Aang had somehow managed to find them and tell them that they had to return to the Fire Nation immediately. 

A soft hand reached out, touched his arm. He blinked, looked up, met her gaze.

“Zuko,” she said, her voice so soft and achingly familiar. “I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

He swallowed tightly, fighting the impulse to turn away from her, to give in to the swirling mess of anger and fear that he felt rising within him. He couldn’t handle this, not now, not when his heart was already so confused and torn with everything that had happened between him and Katara over the past few days. 

“You don’t know that,” he muttered, clenching his fists by his side as he looked away from her.

He could feel Aang’s gaze, heavy upon him, but he refused to look at the monk either.

“It…” The younger boy began, then hesitated. “I’m sure it’s nothing  _ too  _ bad. Iroh’s tough.”

Toph piped up for the first time, still leaning over Appa’s saddle. “If there’s one thing I know about Uncle Iroh, it’s that he’s one tough old man. I doubt anything could  _ really  _ hurt him.” She grinned, though Zuko was pretty sure he saw the worry in her eyes too. “He probably tripped on a teapot and stubbed his toe or something.”

Zuko heard the words, but they didn’t process. They were not comforting. Iroh would never have allowed Zuko to be recalled from such an important mission if he were not seriously injured. 

Or dead.

_ That  _ thought made Zuko turn away, breaking Katara’s grip on his arm. The farmhouse - his  _ mother’s  _ house - seemed so small and distant now, as though he were already miles away, returning to his life of politics and assassination attempts.

His mother. He had just found her, finally reunited with her after years of thinking her dead, murdered at his father’s orders. Now he had to leave after less than a day. 

Tears burned at his eyes as frustration and fear bubbled inside him, threatening to shatter him from the inside. He felt so much like the kid he had been when his father banished him, sent him on his impossible mission to capture the Avatar. He felt helpless, torn between two people he loved.

“Zuko?” 

Katara, again, her voice low and concerned and heartbreaking. He closed his eyes.

“I’ll go get our things.” He managed.

“Zuko, wait.” Katara said, and suddenly she was beside him again, though he had already taken several steps towards the farmhouse. “Remember what A said. About your mom.”

Zuko frowned. Their conversation with the mysterious A seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had changed since then, he almost believed it was. But even so, Katara’s voice seemed filled with warning.

“What about it?” He asked, glancing at her. He couldn’t remember everything their strange contact had said - he’d only really focused on the information that had led him across the sea to Jun, and from there, to Gyatse and his mother.

“She said Ozai’s followers might try to find her, if they managed to get similar information about her whereabouts.” Her voice was quiet, concerned. “Now that we know she’s really here, it’s possible that Ozai’s people can find her too. They may have even followed us here - we already know that someone knows which road we were traveling along when we were headed to Gyatse.”

Despite himself, he shuddered at the memory of the arrow striking Katara in the chest, the shock and pain on her face as she stumbled and fell, the fear in her eyes as she collapsed. The cry of the archer as he fell, blackened from Zuko’s flame. The discovery that he was a Yuyan Archer, loyal to the Fire Nation. The words that Katara mumbled as the blackness of the poison and the pain consumed her.

_ I love you.  _

He closed his eyes again, fighting the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. It was too much. Everything that had happened was too much. And Katara was so close, so frustratingly close, and yet so far, her words, her doubt echoing in his head.

He was scared - terrified. For Iroh, for his mother. For himself, and Katara, and the mess they had gotten themselves into. Agni, he was so scared. His whole body began to shake, the first tears slipping down his cheeks.

He didn’t know what to do.

“Guys,” Aang’s voice broke into his thoughts, sounding apologetic but somehow accusatory at the same time. “Sorry, but… we really need to get going.”

“Give us a minute, Aang,” Katara frowned, and then Zuko felt her eyes fall back on him. He ignored her.

“Zuko,” she whispered. “We can take her back with us. We can protect her.”

He shook his head, stepping forward towards the farmhouse once again. “She won’t come.” He was sure of that much, at least. While he had spent his banishment dreaming of returning to the Fire Nation, he knew his mother had not. Her only regrets had been leaving him and Azula behind.

Before Katara could argue or question him further, the door to the house opened and Ursa stepped out, her eyes falling on the bison and airbender behind them and flashing with a hint of surprise before darkening again as realization set in. 

“Something’s happened, hasn’t it?” She asked, her face looking more worn than ever.

Zuko’s stomach clenched and he nodded, tightening his jaw. “Uncle Iroh’s been hurt. We don’t know anything else.” He paused, seeing the flash of pain in his mother’s eyes. “And it’s possible that you’re in danger. Ozai might have sent people to follow us, or may have gotten his hands on the information we used to find you.”

This time, anger and hatred flashed in Ursa’s eyes. “Can that man not leave me to live in peace?” 

Zuko looked down, feeling shame and guilt and too many other emotions to name. 

“I won’t ask you to come back with me,” he began, looking up to meet her familiar amber gaze. “But I do ask that you at least go to Gyatse. The airbenders can protect you - at least until I figure out what’s going on.”

Ursa pursed her lips, studying his face, his scar, before glancing at Katara for a moment. “And how long do you think that will be?”

Zuko shook his head. “I don’t know. Weeks. Months. I don’t know what exactly is going on, so I can’t say.”

Ursa narrowed her eyes. “We can’t just abandon the farm for months at a time, Zuko. But we’ll be okay. Rabten is skilled, and I have my own tricks.” She looked down at the rough boards of the porch. “We’ve been expecting something like this for years, to be honest.”

Zuko felt desperation rise inside him as he stepped forward, so close he could embrace his mother, but his hands remained at his sides, awkward. “Mom, please,” his voice shook. “I can’t lose you. I need you to be safe.” 

She reached out and placed her hands on his upper arms, forcing him to look at her, meet her soft amber gaze. “Zuko,” she said, and her voice was strong and brave, and it sounded so much like the voice she had used when she woke him up to say goodbye that he felt more tears well in his eyes. “We will be fine. We’ve managed just fine for this long. There’s no way Ozai takes away my home again.”

He couldn’t speak, could barely see through the haze of wetness in his eyes. A year ago, he would’ve been embarrassed that he was crying in front of other people, but now he didn’t care. He felt his mother wrap her arms around him, felt her familiar warmth envelope him, and he tucked his head into her shoulder, his own arms finding their way around her body. He felt more than saw Katara pass them and enter the house, presumably to get their things and allow them some privacy.

“I just got you back,” Zuko choked out, his words muffled against the collar of his mother’s shirt.

“You’ll always have me with you, Zuko,” she said, stroking his hair like she used to when he was a child. “After all these years, you found me. You found yourself. We’ll visit, and you’re always welcome here too.”

He nodded, tightening his grip on her for a moment before pulling away. 

His mother looked so sad, staring at him, her amber eyes lingering on his scar. “Give Iroh and Azula my love,” she murmured. “And tell that bastard Ozai that if I ever see him, whatever the Avatar did to him will be nothing compared to what I will.”

Despite himself, Zuko smiled at the flash of fierceness in his mother’s eyes. “I will.”

“And, before I forget,” she continued, fishing in her pocket and pulling something out, “I want you to have this.”

He held out his hand, felt the small, smooth object land on his palm. His brows furrowed as he opened his fingers and looked at it; a small, disk-shaped stone, smooth and cool to the touch. Two colors swirled in it, forming a yin and yang of ocean blue and fiery red.

His chest felt suddenly tight, as if he couldn’t breathe, his muscles rigid and his breath ragged as he stared at it. 

“Mom,” he started.

“I know you two said you aren’t together,” Ursa interrupted. “And maybe you really aren’t, but that thing isn’t doing me any good sitting around collecting dust. And, for the record, I don’t think you could do any better than her.”

Heat flared in his face and he looked up, meeting her gaze for a moment before looking away, embarrassed. “Mom, it’s not like that. She- … I- ...”

Ursa smiled softly. “Just take it, Zuko. Like I said, I don’t need it. And I think, maybe one day,  _ you will.” _

He swallowed, looked back down at the stone in his hand. Red and blue. Fire and water. Him… and Katara. 

“What is it?”

“An element stone,” she explained. “They’re most common in their pure forms, but I was in the market and I saw that one and it’s just… so unique and rare. I knew I had to get it, but I didn’t know why. Now I do.”

Zuko shook his head. Everything that had happened between him and Katara swirled in his mind’s eye, and, despite everything, a small bloom of hope blossomed in his chest. He could picture it now, proposing to her with a necklace carved from this stone, a royal wedding in the Fire Nation palace with all their friends cheering for them and the members of his council sneering and grumbling off to the side. They would visit the Southern Water Tribe and participate in the celebrations there, too. Katara would be crowned Fire Lady, would be the first foreigner to take that title, would sit in with him on meetings and get things done. They would have children, three at least. Everything bad that had happened to them would be forgotten, buried in the past.

They would be happy.

He closed his fingers around the stone as Katara reappeared in the doorway, carrying their two packs. The sight of her weary face, the dark bags beneath her eyes, the frizzy tangle of her hair, made the images from earlier vanish from his mind. 

She was scared, she had said. And who could blame her, after everything that she had been through, everything she had done? And he knew he could never ask her to stay with him, away from her family, forever. He was surprised she had stayed so long already with so much danger surrounding him at every corner. 

“Katara,” Ursa said, turning to the waterbender with her arms outstretched. 

Zuko swallowed and backed away a few steps as he watched his mother embrace Katara, saw the expression on Katara’s face turn to a mix of pain and joy as she returned the gesture; doubtless she was thinking about her own mother, and suddenly he felt guilty all over again.

“You two…” his mother said, as Katara stepped up beside Zuko, the packs slung over her shoulders. “You be safe, alright?”

Zuko nodded. “You too.”

She smiled at him, her eyes flicking briefly to Katara beside him before returning to fix on him. “I will be.”

He turned away before any more tears could fall, afraid that if he postponed any longer, he would refuse to leave, though he knew that wasn’t about to happen. Although he loved his mother dearly, he had to get back to Uncle, make sure he was alright. The anxiety of not knowing what had happened and if he was okay or not was already driving him crazy. 

He felt Aang’s eyes burning into him and Katara as they made their way over to Appa. He frowned at the younger boy, recognizing the jealousy still burning in his grey eyes. Clearly he still harbored feelings for Katara, still hadn’t accepted that she wasn’t his. But he said nothing as first Katara, then Zuko clambered up into the bison’s saddle and settled their packs down beside the supplies already tucked into a corner.

“So,” Toph grinned at them, her arms crossed over her chest, legs stretched out in front of her, taking up an amazing amount of space despite her small size. “How has your trip been so far?”

Zuko grimaced, felt Katara flinch beside him. “Not great, actually.”

Toph’s grin faded as Aang settled on Appa’s head and the bison took off with a lurch. Zuko watched as his mother’s farm faded away, his eyes locked on his mother as her figure grew smaller and smaller until finally it disappeared from view.

“What happened?” Toph asked, once her face became a little less green. Apparently she had never gotten used to flying. “Why did you even leave the Fire Nation in the first place?”

“It’s… complicated.” Katara sighed, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

Zuko ached to hold her, shield her from the chill air around them, but he knew it wasn’t his place. He wasn’t sure how close she would want to be with him, given their friends’ presence. Especially since one of them was Aang.

“They said you went off on some sort of important mission.” The young airbender said, moving from Appa’s head to the saddle and sitting down close to Toph, his eyes flicking between Zuko and Katara.

“We went to find my mother.” 

Both of them looked surprised. 

“I thought she was dead?” Aang said, half questioningly. 

He shrugged. “My father told me what happened when I confronted him during the eclipse.”

“You never said anything.” The boy sounded hurt, but Toph just looked contemplative.

“It wasn’t relevant.”

“But you told Katara?”

Zuko closed his eyes, feeling Katara tense at the accusatory words. 

“He only told me after the war was over and I was recovering in the Fire Nation.” She glared. “And besides, it’s Zuko’s choice who he tells and when.”

Aang opened his mouth but Toph whacked his arm before he could say anything and the airbender turned a glare on her, rubbing his arm and grumbling.

A slightly uncomfortable silence fell over them for a few minutes as the world passed by below them in a blur of trees, many of them with leaves of golds and reds and browns as the season had finally changed fully from summer to autumn.

“How did you find us?” Katara finally asked.

Aang shrugged. “Well, we got word that Iroh had been hurt, and the letter just said we could find you guys somewhere around Penseng. And then Appa was determined to stop at that farm, and I saw Katara.”

Zuko frowned, suspicion mixing with all the other emotions he had swirling around inside. “Who sent the letter?”

“I’m not sure. It had the White Lotus seal on it though, so it must be from someone Iroh knows.”

He exchanged a glance with Katara, knew she was thinking exactly what he was. No one but Iroh had known any details of their trip. Except A. 

Katara shivered beside him and he instinctively moved to wrap his arm around her shoulder, forgetting for a moment that Aang and Toph were there, forgetting everything that had happened the previous night. He remembered just as his arm fell around her, but before he could move away, she was leaning into his touch, pressing up against him. 

He knew it was just because he was warm, because he was familiar and maybe because she thought of him as safe, but he couldn’t help that his heart skipped a beat in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. 

Aang’s eyes burned into them from where he sat next to Toph across the saddle, but he said nothing. Zuko didn’t think he would remain silent forever, though, and though he had nothing to feel guilty about - he and Katara weren’t even together, and even if they were, she had never been with Aang in the first place - he avoided looking at the young Avatar.

\---

They landed in the port town of Dauoling as the last remnants of orange slipped below the horizon, leaving the sky a mess of purple and dark blue. Not much had changed since he and Katara had last set foot there, though the breeze that came off the ocean was distinctly colder than it had been previously.

At some point during the trip, Katara had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Aang had returned to Appa’s head to direct him, and Toph had remained mercifully silent for the most part, only sneaking him and Katara knowing grins every once in a while.

As Appa landed, Katara stirred, looking around blearily for a few moments before seeming to realize where they were. She met Zuko’s gaze for just a moment before moving to gather their packs, leaving the space by his side oddly empty.

“It’s just like old times!” Aang said cheerfully as he and Toph slid off Appa and waited for Zuko and Katara to do the same with the packs. 

“Yeah.” Katara smiled tightly, sliding down beside him, her pack over her shoulder. “Just like old times.”

Their camp was set up in minutes, with the fire easily supplied by a quick blast of flame from Aang’s fist. Zuko nodded approvingly; Aang had been a fast learner, albeit an easily distracted one. His firebending was not what Zuko would consider quite  _ mastered,  _ but it had come close enough in their time on Ember Island that he had held the advantage over Ozai in the end.

“Hey Aang,” Katara mumbled, setting aside her half-full bowl of rice and vegetables that he and Toph - mostly him - had prepared. “Can we… Can we talk?”

Zuko saw Aang’s grey eyes, wide and so full of youth, fix on her blue ones, felt the pang that he’d felt back when he’d thought they were together.

“Sure.”

They stood and walked off. He watched them go, ignoring his own bowl of food. His thoughts were full of Katara. Of her gentle touch back in Ba Sing Se. Of when she’d hugged him on Ember Island, forgiving him for something he didn’t deserve to be forgiven for. Of Azula’s lightning, and sitting by her bedside for days, afraid she’d die. Of their dance. Their kiss. Her tear-filled refusal to be with him. 

“So, what’s been going on with you two?” Toph’s question snapped him back to attention. “You seem  _ awfully  _ close.”

She was grinning at him and he swallowed, shifting his gaze away from her even though he knew she couldn’t see him.

“Nothing.”

“Oh Sparky,” she shook her head. “You should know better than to lie to me by now.”

He huffed, smoke trailing out of his nostrils as he glared into the dark where Katara and Aang had disappeared. “We aren’t… it’s nothing.” 

It was Toph’s turn to snort. “It’s pretty clear to me that you both have feelings for each other. And I can’t even  _ see.”  _

Zuko let out a slight chuckle at that, reaching into his pocket and feeling for the smooth, round stone that his mother had given him. “It’s complicated.”

The earthbender sighed. “It always is.”

He turned his attention to the fire, flexing his wrist to make sure the flames didn’t die. He wondered what his uncle would say about what had happened between him and Katara. What advice would he have to give about the situation that Zuko had stumbled into?

Would Iroh even be alive to say it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! I know it's been over a month and I feel so bad. I wasn't productive AT ALL over break. School literally started yesterday and I'm already back on the productive streak of procrastinating my actual work with writing, so... here it is finally!
> 
> I'm sorry it isn't a more interesting chapter, but I write what my brain decides is supposed to happen and I guess making you guys suffer worrying about Iroh **EVEN LONGER** is what my brain wants.
> 
> <3 thanks for sticking around and continuing to follow this despite my horrendously unpredictable updates. I love all of you!


	25. XXV

“What do you want to talk about?”

It was Aang who broke the awkward silence that had followed them as they made their way out of earshot of the others. The darkness had pressed in around them as they ventured further away from the fire, so Aang had lit a small flame in his palm to provide them enough light to see by. 

Katara glanced at him, suddenly unsure what exactly she planned on saying. She chewed on her lip, glancing back towards the fire, then back towards the boy she’d spent most of the past year protecting, mentoring, taking care of.

“Aang, last time… when we last spoke, you…” She hesitated. She was still hurt by his words, but she also didn’t want to risk him blowing up again if she said the wrong thing.

His eyes reflected back the orange flame that flickered in his palm, tinging the grey with gold, and she felt a pang as she was reminded of Zuko.

“What you said was really hurtful, Aang.” She finally said, exhaling shakily.

He looked down, guilt flashing in his expression, but his words took her by surprise. “You chose him over me.”

“What?”

Aang looked up, his brows furrowed as he met her gaze. “Zuko. You chose him over me.”

It was Katara’s turn to frown, confusion and anger bubbling together deep in her stomach. She crossed her arms over her chest, her nostrils flaring slightly as she regarded Aang. Her intention had been to make up with him, begin mending the wounds they had caused each other the last time they’d seen each other, but this was proving to be more difficult than she had hoped.

“No, I didn’t.”

“I’m not blind, Katara.” Aang scowled. “And Toph  _ is, _ but even she can see it.”

A flush, anger mixed with embarrassment, crept over her cheeks. “We aren’t- that’s not even relevant, Aang!”

“Yes it is!” He stomped his foot, like a child throwing a tantrum, and Katara closed her eyes, inhaling deeply to steady herself. “You told me no, but you went off and got together with him!”

The memory of her and Zuko’s kiss burned into her mind, the sensation of his lips on hers, his hands holding her so tightly, like he was afraid of letting her go. Waking up next to him in the forest, tucked against him, feeling like the world couldn’t touch her so long as they just stayed there forever. The slow walks through the palace gardens, the softness of his hands in hers. 

“I didn’t tell you no because I wanted to be with Zuko.” She opened her eyes, fixing Aang with the firmest expression she could muster.

He scoffed and shook his head, but Katara continued before he could say anything.

“I told you no because of all the reasons I said last time; you are in love with a version of me that doesn’t exist, and I don’t love you the way you want me to.”

She noticed, for the first time, that there were tears in his eyes. 

“What did I do wrong?” He sniffed. “I’m the Avatar, I saved the world, I thought… you always took care of me.”

She sighed. “Exactly, Aang. I always took care of you. That’s not… that’s not a relationship. At least, not the kind that I want to be in.”

He was silent for a long time, but when he spoke again, he sounded more resigned than angry. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

He hesitated a moment. “Are we still friends?”

The last vestiges of anger faded and she uncrossed her arms, her expression softening. “Of course we are, Aang.”

He smiled sheepishly at her. “Can I tell you a secret?”

She smiled back. “Sure.”

The young airbender’s cheeks flushed and he glanced back towards the fire where they had left Zuko and Toph.

“I think I might like Toph.”

Katara blinked, a little taken aback, then she grinned. “That’s awesome.”

“Really?” Aang looked at her, eyes wide, seeking her approval. 

“Yeah,” Katara nodded. “You two would be cute together.”

He flushed, a grin spreading across his face. “She’s pretty cool.”

A shiver ran down her spine, and she realized just how cold it was away from the fire and Zuko’s familiar heat. Without having to discuss it, they both turned back the way they had come, the light from Aang’s flame still lighting their path. 

“She is.”

Aang nodded, seemingly lost in thought. “I’m sorry about being jealous of Zuko. He’s pretty cool, too.”

Katara focused her gaze straight ahead, though her heart sped up against her will. “He is.” Her gaze fell to the ground. “We really aren’t together, though.”

“He wants you to be.”

She felt tears burning in her eyes. Maybe he did, before she’d messed everything up. The way he’d kissed her had proved that much. But his words echoed in her head.

_ I’m tired, Katara. I’m done. _

“I’m not so sure.”

Aang laughed. “Katara, if I’ve learned one thing about Zuko, it’s that he wears his heart on his sleeve.”

She smiled at that, but she didn’t respond; they were within earshot of their companions now. Regardless of how she felt, or how Zuko felt, she had created a rift between them that had to be fixed, and though she had tried to begin that process back at his mother’s farm, they’d been interrupted. And now they had more pressing matters to attend to: Iroh.

She had to admit, she was worried. About Iroh, of course, but she was also worried that they were going to find themselves walking into a trap the next day when they arrived at the Fire Nation Palace. She had guessed, and she assumed Zuko had as well, that it had been A who had sent the letter to Aang. Only she and Iroh had known any details of their trip. But that wasn’t any less concerning. After the assassination attempt, she wasn’t so sure that A was trustworthy. Afterall, who else knew about their trip and approximate location?

Still, she knew it was pointless to try to talk Zuko out of returning. Iroh had practically raised him after his mother’s disappearance, had willingly accompanied him during his long banishment, and had given him the tools he needed to break free of his father’s influence and become his own man. And, if Iroh really was hurt, Katara would be able to help. 

Besides, Zuko didn’t need more on his plate to worry about; he already had the weight of the world on his shoulders, had to say goodbye to the mother he’d finally found after so many years of thinking her dead. She wasn’t about to tell him about her concerns, but if anyone thought she’d let him out of her sight once they returned to the Fire Nation, they were sorely mistaken.

Zuko was watching her as she and Aang returned to the circle of warmth and light around the fire; his eyes, always golden, seemed to burn into her as the flickering flames danced across his irises. 

“Hey,” she murmured, sitting down beside him as Aang settled close to Toph.

“Hey.”

Toph yawned suddenly, stretching her arms and legs out exaggeratedly. “Well, I’m beat. Goodnight.”

With that, she nudged Aang with her elbow - not gently - and stood up. She walked a few paces until she was outside the ring of flickering firelight and standing right next to Appa, who had been dozing with Momo curled up on one of his furry legs, and created an earth tent large enough for the four of them to fit comfortably together. One side had a space large enough for them to enter, and the other was pressed against Appa’s side.

Katara smiled, knowing that Appa’s body heat, combined with the four of them sleeping together, would make sure no one froze that night.

Aang stood as well. “I’m pretty tired too,” he muttered, then followed Toph into the earth tent, leaving Katara and Zuko alone by the fire.

A few minutes of silence passed between them, interrupted only by Appa’s soft snores and the crackling of the wood burning in the fire.

“You doing okay?” She asked, finally.

She watched as his eyes flickered over to where their friends had disappeared from view in the tent, then dropped down to stare into the flames. 

“I guess.”

Katara swallowed, then slipped her hand into his, squeezing gently, like she’d done so many times during their strolls in the gardens. It was a comfort to her, too, when he started but didn’t pull away. 

“Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out.” She smiled. “I’m two-zero on saving people from fatal injuries; no matter how bad Iroh is, I’ll fix him. I promise.”

He squeezed her hand tighter, drawing it closer to him, his eyes searching her face. She felt heat burn in her cheeks under his intense gaze, but she didn’t look away.

She was done running.

“What if it’s already too late, Katara?”

She shook her head, feeling the heat of tears in her eyes. “It won’t be.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Zuko.” She squeezed his hand tighter, clasping it with both of hers. “We’ll be there tomorrow. We can’t do anything until then. Worrying will just make you feel worse.”

His eyes burned into her, flickering gold and orange in the firelight. “I just feel so helpless. Like when you were unconscious, and I couldn’t do anything to help you.” He dropped his gaze to their entwined hands. “And I hate feeling helpless. I’ve felt helpless my whole life.”

“You  _ aren’t  _ helpless.” She said firmly. “Some things are out of your control - that’s just how the world works. But you aren’t helpless. You’ve done so much, just in the past few months. Without you, we wouldn’t have won the war. You took control of your own destiny and look at where you are now.”

“Leaving my mother behind, the target of assassins across the world, with an uncle who might be dead or dying.” He snorted. “I’m surprised people aren’t jumping over themselves to take my place.”

Katara huffed and shook her head. “You’re the  _ Fire Lord. _ You helped save the world. You have  _ us-” _ she gestured between herself and the tent “-and things will settle down soon.”

He sighed, his gaze drifting to the fire. It was flickering out now, the wood they had gathered running out. It wouldn’t be long before the flames died completely.

“We should get some sleep.”

She nodded and they stood, still holding hands as they made their way into the tent, careful not to disturb the others. Toph was already snoring - loudly - and Aang was curled up with Momo by his side, both of them apparently asleep.

Neither of them spoke as they settled down on their own bedrolls - extras that Toph and Aang had luckily had left over from their times traveling with all six of their group - and it was as if a silent understanding passed between them as Zuko wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled into him, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder and her arm draped over his torso.

The sense of safety and warmth, the familiar smell of woodsmoke and spices, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, lulled Katara into a deep, dreamless sleep within minutes.

\---

The sun hadn’t even risen when Katara woke, but she felt more rested than usual. Rested, and warm, and comfortable. So, for just a moment, she remained still, just soaking in the sensation, the sounds of breathing, the smell of Appa’s fur and the familiarity of being part of a group. Just like old times.

It wasn’t long before the others stirred, and it was without speaking that they all packed up their things. Toph removed the earth tent, and they all clambered onto Appa’s saddle, Aang at his head. No one was in the mood for breakfast or conversation; they’d been able to dampen their concern for Iroh yesterday, but now that they would be arriving to see what had happened later that day, anxiety was almost pulsing in the air between them.

Katara sat beside Zuko, her shoulder pressed against his, their hands locked together between them. He didn’t need to speak for her to know exactly how he felt. She was acutely aware of his pulse, both through their physical contact and the way she could sense the blood rushing through his veins. 

She was aware of her own heartbeat, fluttering too quickly in her chest. Scenarios kept running through her head: them arriving at the palace only to be accosted by guards turned traitor, them walking through the corridors on their way to see Iroh only for an assassin to ambush them, slice Zuko’s throat before they had a chance to react, the mysterious A laughing beneath her dark hood, hidden away in the shadows. 

But she would be ready. She wasn’t going to let Zuko get hurt. Not again. 

\---

They flew non-stop through the whole day, watching the ocean pass by below them as the sky changed from grey to blue to tinged orange. No one really spoke, and even though all of them had to be hungry, they barely ate. Katara forced down some dried meat and fruit, coaxed Zuko to do the same, but even that small amount made her feel sick.

It was just as the last vestiges of the sunset were fading from the sky that Appa began his descent towards the volcanic island that housed Caldera City and the Fire Nation Royal Palace. All of them grew more tense, Zuko especially. Katara could barely feel her fingers, he was squeezing her hand so tight, but she squeezed back to comfort him, let him know she was with him no matter what.

The captain of the guard, a middle-aged man with a close-cropped beard and soft brown eyes named Hayato, was waiting in the courtyard as Appa landed on the cobblestones with a loud groan. Katara knew the bison had to be exhausted from flying so far so fast, and even as she hurried to scramble down, she gave him an appreciative pat.

“Fire Lord Zuko,” the captain said, bowing respectfully. “We were relieved to hear of your return.”

“Where is my uncle?” Zuko asked, fists clenched by his sides, jaw tight.

Katara stood beside him while Toph and Aang hovered to the side, as though unsure what their parts were in this new development. Katara, for her part, kept glancing around at the rooftops surrounding them, noting every slight movement that could spell life or death for Zuko. Or herself.

“In his private quarters.” Captain Hayato said, seemingly not offended that Zuko had not bothered with a greeting. “I would be happy to escort you to him.”

Zuko nodded, striding off towards the side entrance to the palace before the captain even had a chance to finish his sentence. Katara followed, jogging a few steps to catch up to him, unwilling to be left behind in case of an attack.

“What happened?”

The captain’s eyes flickered to Katara before he replied. “I’m sure General Iroh will be able to provide more details, but he was attacked when out and about in the city.”

“He’s awake?” Zuko’s voice was so raspy that she barely heard the words.

Captain Hayato nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Katara almost felt a physical weight lifted off her shoulders as she let out a shaky breath. So, not only was Iroh  _ alive  _ and  _ awake, _ but he hadn’t been attacked in the palace. The likelihood of this being a trap was lessening, though she was still tense and ready, eyes darting around the corridors as Captain Hayato led the way towards the royal wing. 

She heard Zuko’s sigh of relief as well, felt him relax a bit beside her, but his pace remained swift, his long legs taking half the number of steps that Katara was forced to take in order to stay by his side.

“Here we are,” Captain Hayato said finally, stopping by a set of doors guarded by two other members of the Royal Guard. 

The two guards stepped aside as Zuko approached the door, Katara at his heels, and opened the doors for him. Katara followed Zuko into the room, muscles tense and ready, but she relaxed at the sight that greeted them upon entering. The doors shut behind them, and they were left alone but for a familiar figure sitting up in his massive bed and cradling a cup of steaming tea in his hands.

“Uncle!” Zuko exclaimed, the relief in his voice so strong Katara almost felt like she could reach out and touch it. 

She watched as Zuko practically leapt across the room to embrace his uncle, nearly causing the older man to spill the tea in his lap. 

“My nephew,” Iroh replied, wrapping one arm - the one  _ not  _ holding the tea - around Zuko and returning the embrace. “What are you doing here?”

Katara frowned slightly at that, though it wasn’t impossible that Iroh hadn’t known that A had contacted them to bring them back. Though, that begged the question of how A had even known about Iroh’s attack.

“Aang and Toph came to find us - they got a letter saying you’d been hurt and where we could be found.” Zuko explained, finally releasing his uncle, but sitting on the edge of the bed, as if afraid to stray too far from him.

Iroh frowned, eyes flicking between his nephew and Katara. “But, no one knew where you were.”

Katara folded her arms across her chest. “Apparently someone did. I think it was that A person.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Zuko huffed. “What happened, Uncle?”

Iroh furrowed his brows - Katara was sure he thought it  _ did  _ matter - but patted his nephew on the upper arm and allowed a smile to replace his frown.

“Well,” he began, letting out a breath. “I was tired of being cooped up here - as you know, I’ve never really been one for palace life - so I went out into the city for some tea and a walk. After the tea, I started feeling tired, so I started heading back here when I was ambushed.”

Katara moved over to one of the large chairs in the room, pulling it over so she was sitting closer to Iroh’s bed, and rested her hand on her chin, absorbing the information that Iroh was providing them.

“This man… well, he looked not-quite Fire Nation.” With that, he looked at Katara, meeting her gaze pointedly.

Katara frowned. “What do you mean?”

The sadness that filled Iroh’s eyes sent a shudder through her whole body. “I mean, he looks part Water Tribe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so since it took me so long to update last time, I decided to treat you all to a second update! 
> 
> Super excited to see what you guys think of this chapter - I really struggled with the direction I wanted to take it, but I'm also really happy with what I decided.
> 
> As always, I love all of you for the support you've shown me in writing this story <3
> 
> (Side note: I am participating in the ZK Big Bang event that will be going on until June(?) so updates may be a bit inconsistent (as if they were consistent before lmao) as that goes on. Also, I got a grand idea for another fic, so I will have 3 that I will be actively working on (but I can't post my BB fic as I go, so y'all will have to wait to read that). Sorry in advance!)


	26. XXVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter does cover some darker topics - the implications of war, of female prisoners and male guards. Nothing is described in detail.

Zuko could sense Katara tense up beside him, even as he did the same. The implications of what his uncle had just said were vast and not at all pleasant to consider.

“What do you mean,  _ part- _ Water Tribe?” Katara’s voice was tight, barely audible.

Uncle Iroh sighed heavily and set his cup of tea down on the bedside table. “Perhaps you had better see for yourself.” His amber gaze drifted from Zuko to Katara and back again. “Both of you.”

“He was captured?” Zuko managed.

Iroh nodded. “He’s being held in the prison tower. I figured it would be the safest place, since the guards there have all been thoroughly vetted given their other prisoner.”

His father. 

Heat rose through his body at the thought of being in the same building as his father again, but before it overcame him, cool fingers slipped into his own. He glanced sideways at Katara, meeting her steady blue gaze. Whatever they were doing, whatever they were about to learn or who they were about to face, he wasn’t alone, and a sense of determined calm settled over him as he gently squeezed her hand in acknowledgment. 

Despite being in relatively good condition, Iroh was under strict instructions - set out by Uulana, no doubt - not to get out of bed, so Zuko and Katara made their way to the prison alone. Or, as alone as they could be with the pair of guards walking directly behind them. Zuko had considered dismissing them, but whoever had attacked Iroh had managed to catch him, an experienced general and Dragon of the West, off guard. He didn’t want to take chances, especially with Katara by his side.

The tower loomed before them in the darkness of late dusk. Somehow it was even more depressing than it had been when he had taken to secretly visiting Iroh after returning from Ba Sing Se. The lack of moonlight didn’t help, and the blue-grey sky cast dark shadows across the drab stone.

The coolness of the stone settled into his bones immediately upon walking through the door; it had been built to hold firebenders and slowly leech their strength from them. How Iroh had ever managed to escape, he had no idea.

Guards snapped to attention at his appearance, their eyes flicking over him and Katara as they made their way down to the cell Iroh had told them was his attacker’s. It was deep inside the tower, on the fourth floor. The torches on the wall and the reinforced, barred window provided the only light.

The man’s back was to the wall across from them, a thin blanket wrapped around his shoulders. As the door to the cell shut behind them, leaving just Zuko and Katara in the room, separated by the bars that held the man in his cage, he raised his head just slightly.

Zuko inhaled sharply, struck by the man’s strange appearance. He had the straight black hair, cut to his shoulders, and pale skin of a typical Fire Nation citizen, but his nose was wider, his cheekbones higher, his jaw thicker.

And his eyes were blue.

“I must be important if the Fire Lord and his Water Tribe whore have come to see me.” The man growled, a cruel smirk twisting his features as his brows furrowed. 

“How dare you address her like that?” He shouted, taking a step forward as his fists clenched with rage by his sides. He was shaking with fury, feeling his inner fire flare with it, with the desire to release his emotions in a burst of flames.

The man spat at the ground, his blue eyes turning on Katara, burning with an intense hatred. “How could you possibly turn your back on your people and join the enemy after all they did to you - to  _ us?”  _

“Zuko is  _ not  _ the enemy!” Katara’s voice was icy, and Zuko was convinced that the temperature of the room dropped several degrees as she spoke. “He  _ ended  _ the war. He’s done nothing to hurt you.”

“His grandfather is responsible for the destruction of the Southern Water Tribe.” The man continued, thick brows furrowed darkly. “Or were you never told about the systematic imprisonment of the Southern waterbenders?”

He felt her tense up again, and he wondered if she was thinking about the old woman she’d told him about - the one who had taught her bloodbending. He knew she didn’t like to remember her or what she’d made her do.

“Zuko isn’t his father or grandfather.”

“Do you want to know what happened to all the waterbenders they rounded up?”

Zuko froze, suddenly realizing that he himself had no idea what had happened to them. The history of the raids on the Southern Water Tribe had been a brief lesson in his education; he knew it had been years ago, before Ozai had even been born, but he had never been told what had happened to them after their capture. 

He’d never thought to ask.

“I know they were kept in cages, away from water, unless they were chained up to drink.” Katara crossed her arms, as if to protect herself. “And I know that a woman named Hama escaped.”

The man laughed, but his voice was hoarse and bitter. “Cages were only the half of it, sweetheart.” His eyes burned into her, and Zuko felt a fierce desire to smack the man, make him stop looking at Katara like she was a helpless piece of meat. “The guards were men. Men whose only assignment was to guard the waterbenders. Separated from their wives, with no fear of repercussions because no one gave a fuck what happened to the prisoners. What do you think they did to the women,  _ Princess Katara?” _

“Don’t call me that.”

“You’re avoiding the question.” The man smirked.

Zuko felt sick as the man’s words sank in. Images, unwanted and horrible, flashed in his mind’s eye, and he quickly shoved them away.

“It’s how you were born, isn’t it?” Katara’s voice was barely a whisper, but her words sent another wave of horror through Zuko, turning his blood to ice.

The man’s appearance. Part Fire Nation. Part Water Tribe. Middle-aged. Old enough to have been…

“For one so smart, you’d think you’d have chosen to associate yourself with better company.”

“Zuko wasn’t even born when all that happened.” Katara said, but her voice was still low, as though the horrific implications were still processing within her mind.

The man scoffed. “It’s in his blood. And yet you parade around with him, willingly giving yourself to him whenever he wants. Or does he command you, too, Princess?”

Zuko felt the fire burning in his cheeks, hatred roiling inside him. “Enough!” His voice echoed off the stone walls, immediately replaced by a deafening silence, broken only by his heaving breaths. “Katara is here of her own free will, as my friend and trusted advisor. She is  _ not  _ my whore or anything of the sort.”

The man laughed, a harsh barking sound that did not contain an ounce of humor. “Your defense of her is honorable, I suppose.”

“I said  _ enough.”  _ Zuko growled, stepping forward so he was mere inches from the bars that made up the man’s cell. “We are here to discuss my uncle’s attack, nothing else.”

Blue eyes pierced into him. “You know what they did to my mother, Katara?” 

“Tell us why you attacked Iroh. Who do you work for? What are your plans? What’s your name?” Katara frowned, stepping up beside Zuko.

His gaze drifted away from Zuko’s to look at Katara once again. “That woman that escaped, Hama, left everyone else behind. Her power was great enough to have saved everyone, but she  _ left us all.  _ And then when news of her escape reached the Fire Lord, Azulon decided it was too dangerous to keep the waterbenders locked up. Now that one had escaped, he guessed the others would try to follow. So one night, the guards ripped me and all the other non-bending children away from our mothers and set the building on fire.

We were held and forced to watch as the fire consumed everything, as our mothers’ screams filled the air. The children that had been left behind because they were either waterbenders or too young to know screamed too. They were the first to go, but it felt like hours, staring at the orange flames as everyone was burned alive.”

He was going to be sick, he knew it. He’d always known his family was a family of monsters. He’d learned of the atrocities they committed; the raids themselves had been bad enough. The destruction of the airbenders - though they had survived in secret - had been Sozin’s legacy to uphold, and Azulon had followed through by ordering the murder of helpless men, women, and children that we already at his mercy.

“You, of all people, should understand, Katara.” The man continued. “You’ve experienced firsthand the horrors of the Fire Nation. And yet you’ve become a traitor to your people. To your mother. What was her name? Kya?”

Zuko’s eyes widened and he turned his gaze to see that Katara’s face was open in shock as she stared at the man in the cell before them.

“How… how do you know that?”

The man grinned, showing his yellowing teeth. “I know that she was killed during the final raid on your tribe. I know you were there when it happened. Tell me, Katara… do you still see the flames and hear her screams when you close your eyes?”

Before Zuko could react, Katara had whipped around and made her way across the room to the door. It slammed shut behind her and he turned back to the man, his entire body shaking with hatred and anger. 

“Tell me why you attacked my uncle.”

The man folded his arms across his chest, looking at him with an expression of utter contempt on his face. “I have nothing to gain from telling you anything.”

Zuko grit his teeth. “I  _ will _ find out, one way or another.”

He chuckled. “Not before it’s too late.”

\---

Katara wasn’t in the hallway outside the prison cell, nor was she waiting outside the tower. The guards stationed at the entrance told him that she had run towards the palace, but that she had disappeared before they were able to catch up to her. 

Muttering under his breath about how incompetent the guards were, he took off running towards the palace. He had a feeling he knew where she had gone, so his feet carried him unconsciously as he tried to process everything the man had told them. 

He spotted her exactly where he expected her to be, tucked against the tree that sat by the turtleduck pond. Her arms were resting on her knees, her chin on her arms, and she was staring blankly at the water as it rippled in the cool autumn breeze. Wet streaks glistened on her cheeks.

His heart broke for her as he approached. He walked slowly, giving her the opportunity to tell him to leave, but she was silent, not even acknowledging his presence until he sat beside her, his hands on his knees, and then she only sighed and closed her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Katara.”

What else was he supposed to say?

“I can’t believe… everything that happened…” She took a shaky breath. “Was that all true, what he said about the captured waterbenders?”

Zuko frowned and looked at the water. “I don’t know. I… I wouldn’t put it past my grandfather to do something like that.”

She nodded, then fell silent. Zuko wanted so badly to reach out to her, wrap her in his arms, hold her until whatever memories had ahold of her disappeared forever.

“He knew about my mother.”

He looked at her again, studying her face, the way the breeze rustled wisps of her hair, brought the scent of autumn to his nostrils. 

“I’ve never told anyone that I watched her die.” Her voice was barely audible, just a whisper. “How did he know about that, Zuko?”

She turned to look at him then, and the sadness and desperation in her face made his heart break entirely. His throat was tight, too tight to speak, but he opened up his arms and, as she fell into him, wrapped them firmly around her, determined to keep her safe, protect her from even her own memories even though he knew that was impossible. 

His hands found her hair, gently stroking it as she sobbed quietly into his chest, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I don’t know, Katara.” He murmured. “I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.”

\---

Even with Katara curled up beside him, her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder, Zuko couldn’t get to sleep. His mind was too full of information and threats and mysteries to settle down, despite the exhaustion he felt in his muscles and bones. It wasn’t too difficult to figure out  _ why  _ the man had attacked Iroh - he clearly hated the royal family - but it was much harder to try to determine how the man had had the opportunity to attack him so successfully. And the chances of him being a lone attacker were slim, given the state of the nation and the world. But as to who exactly he was working with, there was no way he could figure that out without the man admitting it. His final warning echoed in his head: _Not before it's too late._

And then there was A, the mysterious woman who had sent Zuko and Katara on their journey to find Ursa. The journey during which they had nearly been killed, and had conveniently placed them out of the country for the attack on Iroh. And the letter that had summoned them back had not been signed, but bore all the other marks of it being from her - White Lotus seal and everything.

He could tell from Katara’s uneven breathing and constant fidgeting that she was finding it difficult to sleep too, and it didn’t take a genius to know why. His heart ached for her, for everything she had just learned, for what that man had made her relive  _ again.  _ He felt guilty too, even more so now, for dragging her along with him on his journey to find his mother. Find the person that Katara would never be able to get back. The person who, he now knew, she had watched be murdered in front of her. 

“Zuko?”

Her whisper was so quiet he was sure he had imagined it until she lifted her head slightly off his shoulder to look at him. Despite himself, despite everything, he couldn’t help the breath that caught in his throat at the sight of her, illuminated by the barest moonlight, her bright eyes seemingly glowing in the darkness, the dark waves of her hair falling in messy curtains around her dark face.

She was breathtaking.

He swallowed. “Yeah?”

“Why haven’t you asked me about Hama or my mother since I told you about them?”

He blinked, the question taking him by surprise. “I guess… I just thought you’d tell me if you wanted to. Whatever you kept to yourself was something you didn’t want me to know, and I didn’t want to intrude on that.”

She almost smiled, but her expression was still sad. “I watched my mother die, and the whole time, I had the ability to save her, to tell Yon Rha that it was me he was looking for, to have him take me instead.”

“Kat-”

“I could have saved her, Zuko, and I didn’t.” She took a shaky breath. “I didn’t because I was scared and selfish.”

“You were a kid, Katara.”

“I was old enough to know.”

“No, Katara. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. Your mother loved you so much she died to protect you, and I can’t imagine that I’m speaking out of turn when I say she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”

She blinked, but instead of arguing further, she said, “I turned Hama in, too.”

“She was hurting innocent people.”

“She was a victim too.”

Zuko sighed. “That doesn’t give her the right to hurt innocent people.”

There was a long pause as she just stared at him, and he stared back, and he wanted to reach out and touch her and hold her until she stopped doubting herself.

“Zuko?”

“Yeah?”

“I killed Yon Rha.”

“You did.”

“Then why do you love me?”

In any other situation, he was sure his cheeks would’ve flushed, he would’ve avoided her gaze, avoided the question. But in the darkness, with her warmth so close, her blue eyes staring directly into his, he didn’t feel afraid at all. His heart was beating in his chest, loud and strong and faster than normal, but he didn’t care that she could probably feel it through the hand she had placed there to prop herself up. 

He raised a hand and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers trail along the skin of her jaw before resting his hand along her cheek, his thumb gently caressing her cheekbone.

“For no reason, and every reason, Katara.” He murmured, his gaze trailing down to her lips before looking back up at her eyes. “Because you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I admire your strength and determination and your kindness. And because no matter what happens, I will always love you.”

A few tears escaped her eyes and he brushed them away with his thumb. “I know you’re scared, Katara, and I would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do, but I won’t hide my feelings.”

“You know I love you too, Zuko.” Her voice was slightly husky, as though her throat was constricted. “I was just thinking about what that man said. That I was a traitor to my people, that I was your… your…” She swallowed. “That I’m at your command. And I know I’m not. And I want to make sure you know that whatever I do, whatever happens, I am making my own decisions.”

He blinked, his heart skipping a beat in his chest. “Katara-”

Her lips pressing against his own silenced whatever he had been about to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, a lot happened in this chapter. It kind of took an unexpected turn, but I'm pretty excited with how it turned out.
> 
> And Behold! The Second Zutara Kiss! *mwah* you are welcome!!!
> 
> <3 Thanks for your continued patience and support, everyone!


	27. XXVII

This kiss was nothing like the one they had shared in Gyatse. Whereas that kiss had been full of desperation, of uncertainty and longing, and fueled by their mutual trauma, this kiss was softer, deeper, fueled by her desire not to just not lose him, but to actively be by his side. She was done running, done hiding, done denying that her heart belonged to him, that he had captured it long ago, finally ready to admit that he shouldn’t have needed to take a lightning bolt for her for her to realize how she felt, how  _ he _ felt.

His heat seemed to be all around her as their lips moved together; she could taste cinnamon on his lips, felt the soft pressure of his hands as they caressed her face, moved down her arms and the sides of her body. She shuddered at his touch, as his hand smoothed over the fabric of her tunic that kept her scar hidden away from the world, as he sat up, pulling her towards him until she was straddling him, their torsos pressed together as his arms wrapped around her, holding her close, as their mouths still danced.

She could barely think, her entire world consumed by the man with fire in his veins, the one who didn’t seem to mind that her own were filled with ice. His initial moment of protest before she kissed him was long forgotten; she could feel his heartbeat, thundering in his chest, felt her own heartbeat racing to match as her fingers wound themselves in his hair, pulling him ever closer.

There was no conscious decision in her brain that made her hands move further down, catching at the fabric of his shirt, tugging at it as she lifted her hands up, feeling the heated skin and muscles of his abdomen, releasing the shirt to focus on that instead, moving upwards and-

He broke the kiss and pulled his shirt off just as her fingers reached the rough skin outlining the scar she had forgotten was there. With the shirt gone, her eyes fell, her breath catching in her throat as she saw, for the first time, the starburst spread of rough, dark scar tissue, a permanent reminder of the lightning he had taken for her.

“Katara?”

She could see it all again, the electric blue lightning arcing across the sky towards her as she stood, helplessly frozen in place, Zuko yelling as he dove in front of it, trying to redirect it, failing because he hadn’t been prepared, collapsing to the ground, dying. 

“Katara?”

His voice sounded far away as she stared at the scar, her fingers twitching slightly as she moved slowly, so slowly, towards the center of the burn, the place where the lightning had electrified him from the inside out, as she remembered the desperation she’d felt trying to get to him to heal him, the hopelessness she felt as her own lifeforce faded away as she’d finally reached him.

“I can… I can heal it, I...” she murmured, tears suddenly blurring her vision. This was  _ her  _ fault. If she hadn’t run out to where Azula could see her, if she had been faster and he’d never had to sacrifice himself for her, or maybe if she hadn’t let herself get hit, if she’d gotten to him faster, he wouldn’t have this scar at all.

“It’s a scar,” Zuko’s voice, familiar, raspy, full of the gentleness that she’d never have guessed was part of the angry fire prince who’d invaded her village so long ago. “It can’t be healed.”

His words transported her further back, to an underground cavern filled with green crystals, to an equal playing field where she was first introduced to the Zuko whom she’d come to love. He’d said those same words to her back then when she’d offered to heal the scar on his face, the one that marked him as the banished prince, the one she’d come to learn was inflicted by his own father as punishment for daring to care about his own people.

She’d failed him then, and she didn’t have any spirit water left to try now and this scar was all  _ her  _ fault and-

His fingers slid gently beneath her chin and lifted her head so that she was forced to look at him and meet his gaze. His golden eyes seemed to almost glow in the darkness, one of them smaller than the other, squinting as a result of the scar.

“Even if it could,” he rasped, moving so that his hand cradled her cheek, “I wouldn’t want it to be.”

She blinked, a few tears escaping her eyes and trickling down her cheeks. “Why not?”

He smiled, that soft smile she knew he saved just for her. “Because it reminds me of what I’ve done. Of how far I’ve come. Both my scars do.” His thumb rubbed away the wetness from her cheek. “I used to think my scar defined me, that I’d never be anything but the banished, dishonored prince. You were the first person besides my uncle who made me believe that maybe that wasn’t true. You were my enemy, you had every right to hate me and tell me I deserved what I’d had done to me.” 

Katara swallowed as Zuko paused. She raised a hand to touch his cheek, her fingers gently tracing the outline of the scar on his face, remembering the first time she’d touched it, knowing he was thinking about the same thing.

“But you didn’t.” He continued, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You offered to help me instead. You helped me believe that things could be different. And this other scar, it reminds me of that. That things are different. That the world is different. That I’m different. And I wouldn’t want to change that.”

She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply. She could feel herself shaking as memories of blue flames and the excruciating pain returned to her; her scar hadn’t hurt in a long time, but the phantom pain flashed along her right side once more and she let out a choked sob.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, letting her hand fall from his cheek to his bare shoulder, soaking in the warmth from his skin even as she trembled. “I thought… I thought I was better, that I was ready, but I-”

“There’s no need to apologize, Katara.” Zuko’s warm, strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her into him so that she was nestled in the crook of his shoulder. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

As Zuko shifted so that he was laying down once more, Katara adjusted herself too, wrapping an arm around his torso as she settled down along his side. Her fingers rested on the scar on his chest and she closed her eyes, trying not to picture him nearly dead on the cobblestones of the courtyard, trying to instead picture him as he was: tall, strong, proud of all he’d experienced and overcome.

She wasn’t ashamed of her scar, she realized. If she had to do it all over again, she knew she wouldn’t hesitate. But that didn’t mean the memories associated with it weren’t still too painful to overcome just yet.

“I’ll still be here, Katara,” Zuko murmured, his voice sleepy as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Whenever you’re ready, no matter how long it takes, I’ll still be here.”

A tear escaped her as she closed her eyes and squeezed him in response, afraid that her throat was too tight to speak.

\---

She woke wrapped up in him, her legs and arms tangled around his, her head resting on his chest. She could smell him, the scent of spice and woodsmoke that he always carried with him, could hear the gentle thudding of his heart as his chest rose and fell with the rhythm of sleep. 

Her cheeks flushed as she thought about the night before, as her fingers began to trace the lines of his chest automatically, running along the edge of the starburst scar that Azula’s lightning had burned into him. The scar she hadn’t seen until last night.

In the daylight, it looked less strange. There were no weird, dark shadows cast across it. The flesh didn’t look as dark and dead as it had before, though it was still rough to the touch as her fingertips danced across the surface.

Zuko shifted beneath her, inhaling sharply as he woke. Katara raised her head, blinking at him with a soft smile on her lips as he looked up at her sleepily. 

“Good morning,” he murmured, the soft smile that she loved so much gracing his lips.

“Hey,” she managed. Her face still felt puffy and raw from the emotions of the night before, but she forced those memories away. She was happy right now, waking up next to Zuko again, free from the nightmares that always haunted her. 

Zuko’s smile widened and he shifted slightly, propping himself up as he brushed back some hair from her face. “So, am I allowed to tell you how beautiful I think you are now?”

She flushed and sat up, scrunching up her face at him. “Only when we’re alone.”

“That’s no fun,” he pouted.

She looked away, suddenly feeling very exposed as guilt started to well up inside her again. “I mean, things are still complicated, Zuko. It’s probably best if no one knows about…” She gestured vaguely between them. “... any of this.”

“Right.” His voice was sharper, his smile disappearing from his face. “So people can just go on believing whatever lies and rumors are being spread about us instead of knowing the truth and the Fire Sages can keep pestering me to pick a wife.”

His words sent memories flashing before her eyes: the man in the prison tower, part Fire Nation and part Water Tribe, calling her Zuko’s whore, a traitor to her people. If he thought that, how many others did too? 

But things  _ were  _ complicated. They still had no idea who had sent the assassin after them on their trip, or who had organized the attack on Iroh, or why, or what was coming next. They hadn’t figured out who A was, or why she had helped them - or even  _ if  _ she had helped them. It was possible she had been the one to send the Yuyan Archer after them. 

Given all the instability in the Fire Nation, publicly announcing that the Fire Lord was dating a waterbender, something the traditionalists were sure to protest, seemed like it would just add fuel to the fire. But before Katara could even open her mouth to respond, to say any of this, there was a knock at the door.

“My Lord?” A voice called out, muffled by the thick wood. “Your council meeting is in an hour. Shall I assist you in getting ready?”

Zuko tossed the blankets aside and slid out of bed on the opposite side to where Katara was still sitting. 

“No, thank you.” 

Katara watched as he stomped over to his wardrobe and flung it open, examining the rows of nearly identical red and black and gold robes that hung there. 

“Zuko,” she tried, standing up and taking a hesitant step forward. “I just meant… not forever, just for now. Until things settle down.”

He was silent for a moment, and when he spoke, he didn’t turn around. “You should go get ready, Katara.”

She frowned, crossing her arms. “Zuko.” Her voice was firm, commanding. She wasn’t going to back down, not this time. “I want to be with you. I  _ am  _ with you. I just think we should keep things quiet until we figure the whole current situation out. I mean, there’s someone out there trying to take out you and your family, we haven’t figured out who A is, I haven’t even told my family about… any of this.”

Zuko sighed and turned around, crossing his own arms over his chest, though he appeared more resigned than defensive. “You’re right.”

She couldn’t help but smirk slightly at that. “I usually am.”

He snorted, a slight smile returning to his face. “You really should get ready, though. If we want to sort this all out, you should be there.”

“I’ll see you in an hour, Fire Lord.” She grinned.

He grimaced, though his eyes sparkled as he watched her. “Don’t call me that.”

\---

An hour later, after bathing, detangling her hair, and dressing in her favorite style of blue tunic and pants, she found herself outside the council chamber. She’d never been inside it before, never having had an official position to warrant a seat at the table and too busy recovering from her near-death experience to muster the energy required to participate. Even now, after everything she’d been through, it felt strange to be invited to the meeting; before she and Zuko left to find Ursa, she’d accepted a position as a consultant for the education minister. She was sure then that many of the councilmen would protest her involvement, and she was just as sure of that now.

“Master Katara, I presume.”

Katara turned at the unfamiliar voice, coming face-to-face with a middle-aged man with honey-colored eyes, his black hair swept neatly into a topknot. He was dressed in the fine robes that marked nobility or someone of importance within the court, but he displayed none of the other trappings of wealth that Katara had spotted on many of the councilmen that she had seen entering and leaving the palace during her recovery. 

Her lack of recognition must have been obvious because the man smiled and inclined his head. “Apologies, I have not introduced myself. I am Minister Ren. I handle the treasury and work closely with the Ministers of Trade.”

“Oh,” Katara said, inclining her head slightly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Ren grinned. “You look distinctively Water Tribe today.”

Katara’s stomach churned slightly - with dislike or anxiety, she wasn’t sure - but she straightened to her full height. “Well, in case you weren’t aware, I  _ am  _ Water Tribe.”

Minister Ren nodded. “Yes, of course. I am aware. I meant no disrespect, only that it is a bold choice to mark yourself as so clearly foreign while you are here, working for the Fire Lord.”

“I work  _ with  _ Fire Lord Zuko, not for him.” She narrowed her eyes. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Of course, of course.” Minister Ren moved past her and entered the council chamber, just as Zuko came around the corner.

Katara was relieved to see him - while she wasn’t afraid of any of the councilmen, subtle politics were certainly not her forte, and she felt a bit put off by Ren’s words. 

All eyes were on them as they entered. The councilmen were all standing by their chairs, save for the two empty ones by the head of the table and - Katara frowned - one empty one about midway down. She guessed by Zuko’s slight tensing that he noticed too.

“Where is Health Minister Aika?” Zuko asked the room, glancing from each councilman to the next. All of them looked confused, as clueless to her whereabouts as Zuko and Katara were.

“My Lord,” one of them finally spoke, though his voice was hesitant. “The letter in front of you was delivered just moments ago. Perhaps it is from her?”

Katara dropped her gaze to the table in front of Zuko’s chair. There was a scroll there, very plain, and sealed with a single blob of wax. Her heart skipped a beat as she noticed the familiar seal pressed into the wax.

Zuko sat. Everyone else followed suit. He reached for the scroll and carefully unsealed it as he spoke. “What is the status of the investigation into my uncle’s attack?”

Captain Hayato stood and cleared his throat. “The prisoner has been interrogated, but he refuses to give any information besides what we already know; that he is half Water Tribe, and his name is Cupun. My men have been gathering intel on him, but his life has been mostly on the streets and he has few documents to create a good picture of his life.” 

Zuko unfurled the scroll. “So he has given no reason for the attack beyond blind hatred for my family?”

“Yes, that is correct, sir.”

Katara watched as Zuko scanned the scroll’s contents, saw the flash of anger in his eyes, felt her throat tighten. Something was wrong.

“What about his story, about the waterbenders that were captured and executed under Azulon’s orders?”

Captain Hayato shifted uncomfortably. “My Lord, we… did find evidence that would suggest his claims are true.”

Zuko lowered the scroll so that he could look directly at the Captain of the Guard. “What evidence?”

“Documents that describe a prison of that nature, detailing the location and set-up. Names and dates of captured waterbenders.”

Katara closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the true horror of the man’s story sink in. It was true. The waterbenders of her tribe had been captured, beaten, tortured,  _ raped.  _ And then they had been burned alive for the actions of one woman who had dared to escape.

“And…” Hayato continued, his voice faltering slightly. “We found the order for the destruction of the prison and any waterbenders still contained within it.”

Zuko passed her the scroll and she inhaled deeply as she unfurled it, scanning the characters that had been scrawled across it. 

“ _ I have information about Health Minister Aika’s disappearance and the attack on your uncle. Meet me in the same place as before tonight at sunset. Tell no one. Not even Iroh. No one can be trusted. _

__ _ -A” _

“What about the order, Captain Hayato?” 

Katara could hear the frown in Zuko’s voice, sense the tension in the air. She rerolled the scroll and replaced the wax as best she could, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. What could A mean, don’t tell Iroh? Iroh was Grand Master of the White Lotus, perhaps the  _ one person  _ that they could trust within the palace. Surely A was mistaken?

“It wasn’t signed by Azulon, my Lord.”

“My father, then.” The bitterness was clear in Zuko’s voice, as though he had suspected all along that his father had been involved in heinous acts even before his reign as Fire Lord.

But something didn’t match up. The prisoner, Cupun, was about the same age as Ozai, which would have meant Ozai was still a child at the time of the waterbenders’ deaths, too young to be giving orders of any kind, let alone death sentences.

“No, Fire Lord Zuko.” Hayato finally managed, swallowing thickly. “It was your uncle, Iroh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about a plot twist????
> 
> What do you think it all means? Is Iroh really a bad guy? Is A right that he can't be trusted? 
> 
> I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this chapter!!! Things are heating up in the plot department.
> 
> ON A DIFFERENT NOTE: Last chapter actually marked this story being my longest story I've ever written, overtaking Scar Tissue by a few hundred words. Posting this chapter solidifies that by a lot! I am so excited to have come this far, and still have so far to go!
> 
> ON A DIFFERENT, DIFFERENT NOTE: If you follow me on Tumblr, you might have been clued into this, but I am planning a sequel to this story!!!! YES! A SEQUEL. I already have it outlined (which is crazy because I never outline things) and I am sooooo excited to start writing it once this one has been wrapped up (but we've still got a ways to go, folks). 
> 
> Thank you as always <3


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